Living on the streets is definitely not living and that is where I ended up after being kicked out of the so-called family house with all my worldly belongings which fit into 2 travel bags.
I would not with this on my worst enemy if I have one.
When there is no on to call and you have exhausted all avenues from imposing on first time acquaintances, contacted all the shelters in towns and elsewhere, there is nowwhere left to go but the streets.
Sitting up sleeping in the city's bus terminal and leaving just before they kick you out is pitiful. Then trudging off and about with your designer bag and Macbook which got heavier by the hour makes you question the need for such an instrument and Internet and all the other stuff.
The moment came when abandoning it, my only contact with the outside world was mandatory; I could not eat it anyway.
Drifting about town with a bag of clothing, putting on an act in a city hotel just to be able to use the washroom to freshen up and feel human felt demeaning. I was fooling no one.
Those first little sojourns made me wonder how women dealt the feminine hygiene issues and the lack of water.
Heart palpitations every night from anxiety attacks were extremely painful. That pounding in your chest custs your breath and when you try to breathe your back and left side hurt so bad you wonder if breathing is mandatory.
At first, I used to wonder what woke me from my dozing because you do not really sleep - to sleep you have to be relaxed.
The worst of my time living on the streets which excludes being protected from gang rape by a security agent in my little calm corner behind a five-star hotel, was the superhuman effort to not allow the feeling of loss and devastation and resulting tears to fall.
Because I knew that once that dam was breached, I was finished.
Using a drain as your toilet at night only, the effort to keep clean and change my underwear even without a shower, constantly roaming the environs and starting to evaluate likely spots for a rest or sleep, eyeing every stranger that passed with suspicion as darkness fell, and eye-balling the blackened and dirty vagrants and wondering when I would become like them was all part of the street life.
I had already abandoned any pretence that someone would help me. That was no one.
Hunger does not set in until days later. I discovered like to bored youngsters we often observe that you can nurse a sugary drink all day especially when it is your only meal. The absence of resources and a solid meal does not occupy your mind right away.
You are initially consumed, as I was, by the emotional fallout like a nuclear blast that destroys all that is familiar and its attendant consequences.
It is a whole new world out there where we street people do not exist and those that prey upon us have all the power.
How did I end up using a terminal in a library? My very powerful smartphone's battery was on its last leg and I guess I had a kernel of faith left because I was planning to turn it off that particular day. I had no one to call and it seemed of no use to me and then it rang.
It was my brother calling to ask after my welfare. I told him about my new home and used my last few dollars to meet him in his old jalopy that could not travel far in the next town.
He fed me my first solid meal in a long time - I did not tell him that - and for the next 2.5 months that followed until I found a poorly paid but welcome job that put food on my table and he took me to Social Services who cover my room rental.
The kindness of strangers that came to my assistance since that fateful day mean more to me that my birth family ever could. They have taught me about the kindness of strangers.
Thank you Papy James for the lounge chair and the incredible succour and support from your family.
Thank you Kenneth and his family for feeding and sheltering me during those months and the restful green of the countryside which was a balm to my heart and soul.
And finally, thanks to Amber and her brother Johnny for the on again, off again job and the room, providing me with the space to find my feet as I take the baby steps on the road to a new life.
It's all good!
I woke feeling disturbed this morning. My new neighbour is a creep. But after my meditation and a fab Tibetan yoga session - it was hard because I haven't done it in months - I felt great because I am alive. I AM and that cancels the negativity and reinforces my positive energy. So this day I want to share my thought for today from Abraham-Hicks today...
