The Most Fulfilling Road - Listen to Yourself and Be Fearless



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Listen to yourself and be fearless in your actions. Nothing comes easy because we get in our own way. I heard someone say that a long time ago and from my experiences I know it's true.

I woke with the blazing thought in my head I am the captain of my ship, I am the master of my soul and nobody is going to stand in my way to hinder me in pursuing my desires, whatever they turn out to be!

I feel powerful and ALIVE and I am only 55 years young this 2014. Nobody on this planet can take this feeling away from me and the same goes for you.

Live your life as you see fit and follow your own beat. It is NOT easier said than done. It's a matter of doing, facing down all challengers whoever they may be - family, friends, lovers, neighbours - mowing down all obstacles whatever they happen to be and as I have learned, it's the petty shit that comes of most as excuses for their supposed concern. People just don't like change. It's too scary.

Listen here, the most fulfilling road is the one you choose.

You were not put on the planet to please anybody except yourself. That sounds selfish to some but what the heck. If you don't get up and get what you want, I guarantee you nobody is gonna come and give it to you.

It doesn't matter how you start or what you do, just get up and do it. There's no better time than right now, today!

YOU are unique! They broke the mould when they made you, and me. It is time to embrace your Self, drop the mask, step out, step up, be real and make a change every day. Do something you've never dared before and use the energy from your self-righteous anger to power you through the crowd of naysayers (well, we just don't do that) who want you to remain like them.

Stop playing small. It doesn't become you and only serves to make comfortable those who are too afraid to be.

Here's a reminder of who you really are.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

DailyOM's  Madisyn Taylor wrote this brilliant piece about being fearless as you follow that inner voice within to find the path that makes you feel fulfilled.. Empower yourself. Go into that silence and listen. You always know what's right for you.

The Most Fulfilling Road
Finding Your Next Step in Life by Madisyn Taylor


It is when you are willing to listen to yourself and be fearless that figuring out your next step becomes easy. 

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There are many ways to discover what the next step on your life path should be. If you are someone who seeks to satisfy your soul, it is vital that you make this inquiry.



Often, your inner voice will counsel you that it’s time for a change, and it is very important to trust yourself because only you know what is best for you. Personal growth always results when you let yourself expand beyond the farthest borders of what your life has been so far.

When figuring out what your next step will be, you may want to review your life experiences. The choices you’ve made and the dreams you’ve held onto can give you an idea of what you don’t want to do anymore and what you might like to do next. It is also a good idea to think about creative ways you can use your skills and satisfy your passions.

Visualizing your perfect future and making a list of ways to manifest that future can help you choose a logical next step that’s in harmony with your desires. Meditation, journal writing, taking a class, and other creative activities may inspire you and provide insight regarding the next step in life that will bring you the most satisfaction.

It is when you are willing to listen to yourself and be fearless that figuring out your next step becomes easy. Beneath the fear and hesitation and uncertainty lies your inner knowing that always knows which step you need to take next.

If you can allow the taking of your next step to be as easy as putting one foot in front of the next, you’ll notice that your next step is always the one that is right in front of you. All you have to do is put one foot forward and on the ground.
Our lives are made up of a complex network of pathways that we can use to move from one phase of life to the next. For some of us, our paths are wide, smooth, and clearly marked. Many people, however, find that they have a difficult time figuring out where they need to go next.

Determining which “next step” will land you on the most direct route to fulfillment and the realization of your life purpose may not seem easy.

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Hidden Emotions Hurt the Heart

Hidden Emotions Hurt the Heart 
by Dr Christian Northrup

 

One of my Facebook friends was asking me for advice for her sister, who has hypertension (high blood pressure). I didn’t suggest a statin or a blood pressure lowering medication, as the first choice. I explained that, while there are factors like high blood pressure or a stressful lifestyle which contribute to hypertension, sometimes the root cause is deep emotional tension from the past.

In the Wisdom of Menopause (2012), I write about the experience of my colleague Annemarie Colbin, Ph.D., a pioneer in the whole foods movement and founder of the Natural Gourmet Cooking School in New York City. Annemarie—who has eaten a mostly vegan, organic diet for decades—was diagnosed with hypertension “out of the blue” in the second half of her life.

Annemarie had read about the work of Samuel J. Mann, M.D., professor of Clinical Medicine at the Hypertension Center of the New York Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center. Dr. Mann has seen thousands of patients with high blood pressure over the years. In his book Healing Hypertension: A Revolutionary New Approach (Wiley 1999), he notes that, over the years, he has observed a pattern which doesn’t fit the common view of hypertension as being stress-related. He wrote, “Even patients with severe hypertension did not seem more emotionally distressed than others. If anything, they seemed less distressed.”

It appeared that their high blood pressure was more related to avoiding one’s feelings than to addressing them. Mann came to the conclusion that old, unhealed, repressed traumas were the major culprit in his patients’ high blood pressure. I agree it is our hidden emotions—the ones we don’t feel—that lead to hypertension and many other so-called “unexplained” disorders.

In any case, Annemarie Colbin found herself suddenly grappling with episodes of extreme high blood pressure (sometimes as high as 220/110), along with insomnia. Rather than giving in to the typical treatment, which would mean taking drugs for the rest of her life, she went to see Dr. Mann. She was encouraged to look into any hidden emotions she might be harboring. It didn’t take her long to figure out that her problem stemmed from what I call an “energetic imprint” of trauma from her childhood.

When Annemarie was a child, age 2–5, she spent three years in Hungary during WWII. She lived there with her mother, her father having been forced into a labor camp. She and her mother spent many nights in cellars and basements with 30–40 strangers, hiding from bombs and grenades. She said that she had no memory of this at all. But one day she took a walk and found herself just “waiting.” For what, she didn’t know.

Then she remembered her mother telling her about one of the times they stayed in a basement. Her mother had been summoned upstairs by the occupying soldiers for a party and had to leave her alone in the basement with strangers, none of whom cared about her. She suddenly felt profound terror that her mother might not come back. She said, “I remember knowing that I would die if she did not return. I had no home, no family, no friends, nothing. Just the two of us. I think I must have stayed awake all night waiting for my mother. And now—in my sleepless nights—I was reliving it.”

After this revelation (when walking), Annemarie says, “I lay in the grass, on the safe ground, and shook and cried, feeling and releasing that old terror. After a while of shaking and crying, I calmed down, got up, and went home, feeling strangely relieved. Then I checked my blood pressure. It had gone down to 137/82 in one hour.” Over the next several months as she cleared out additional, old emotional baggage, her blood pressure eventually stabilized at a normal level.

We are living in a time when the light is getting much brighter. And because of this it is much more difficult to hold on to our inner darkness—our old, unhealed pain and terror. Failure to release those old dark emotions, and release them fully, increases our chances for becoming ill—whether that’s high blood pressure or something else. We’ve been taught to be very afraid of our tears, our rage, our grief. But these are NOT the problem. Keeping them bottled up is.

For some of you, just reading this will bring up the emotions that require releasing. Others may need the help of a skilled therapist or bodyworker. Regardless, here is an affirmation to help you release what needs to come up and out—if anything!

Divine Beloved, please change me into someone who can easily release any dark emotions that I may be holding—even if I don’t know about it. Help me to feel and then to release everything that needs to come up. I am safe and all is well.

After you practice this a bit, please leave me a comment here or on my Facebook page and tell me about your experience. For more encouragement, listen to Flourish on February 27, 2013, when I’ll be helping listeners through this important process.

NOTE: Flourish is an internet radio programme on HayHouseRadio and past episodes can be found in their archives.

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2 Ways to Exorcise Your Fearful Thoughts and Feelings

I am a voracious reader  and I find messages in books that help me deal with difficulties What the night knows is one such book.
in my life at any point in time and Dean Koontz's

I've been agonizing for weeks, terrified, worried sick really of never finding another job and I am 54 now and jobless since 2012 and under-employed since 2010. On top of that, I met a man, loved something special in him only to discover that he was an abusive alcoholic who I want out of my life, and to cap it all I live in a homeless shelter.

"So be as a child. Put aside pride and vanity. Have the humility of a child who is weak and knows his weakness. Admit fear in the face of the void. Admit ignorance in the presence of the unknowable. A child believes in mysteries within mysteries and seeks wonder, which should be easy considering that here in this year, this very moment, John was adrift in a sea of mystery, in a storm of wonder. What the heart knows, the mind has forgotten and what the heart knows is the truth. ~Koontz's Calvino

My fear reached its peak and caused me to sit up all night on the balcony wracked with the pain of my negative thoughts.

These powerful, negative feelings only give rise to negative results because we feed those beliefs that
bring us down and we begin living in the hell we created.

Worse, we invited that thing that we don't want into our lives, "nothing's ever going to work for me", "he might as well kill me, I don't care anymore" type of shit. That's where I was.

I stayed up supping all night into early morning on the words of Koontz's characters and gained a lot of insight into my own fears.

This is not a book review. Yes, it's got a psychological thrill but even more important and significant to me, it focuses on the innate strength and intuitive knowing of children and how they hold up the world, theirs and ours.

The book was superb, the best I've read in this genre in a few years. Children and adults overcome their fears in their own unique ways, fight for the right to live and love like any adult and are wise beyond their years.

One of the boys now grown reflects on a 20-year old fear that burdened him: "But he figured that if he worried excessively about the feather and what it implied, he might be inviting something into his life that he would regret. Someone once said that if you painted the devil on the walls often enought, you got the devil on the stairs, his footsteps approaching."

I was reminded to face what you fear - FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real - with the utter conviction that it cannot harm you ever. No matter if you are shaking as if you have ague, deal with it and free yourself.

Nothing and no one can harm you unless you believe they can. It means you gave away your power by focusing on the other person instead of yourself and what you want! In these situation, be kind to yourself and have compassion for yourself.

In other words, stop beating yourself up!

After the weight of 20 years apprehension has lifted , Calvino says, "In my work Mr Dugley, I've seen that good usually triumphs. But I've also seen that evil never dies. it's always wise to remain vigilant."

2 ways to exorcise your fearful thoughts and feelings:

1- Write a letter

Don't want to or can't face your monster, imagined or real life events, make some quiet time for yourself then sit down write him or her a no-holds barred letter. Write down every single thing you think and feel about that person to exorcise those demonic thoughts and feelings.

Burn the letter afterward and move on with your new, free life.

2- Face the mirror

Stand in front of the mirror and imagine that beast - mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, friend, neighbour, lover, husband, or colleague - is standing right there in front of you, in the flesh and let rip. Bare your goddam soul as you never have before. Let it all come out.

When you're done, it's done. Go treat yourself to something that makes you feel good and let that be the end of it all.

These two exercises are powerful, cathartic and emotionally freeing. It's just another way of removing emotional blockages and works on anything that disturbs your equilibrium. The letter is particularly powerful and could be one way of opening the door for a much needed discussion.


 "In this world of ours, there's always a chance that a day of fire will come, but there is nothing to be gained by extending an invitation to the arsonist, no matter how persistently he hints that he would like to have one." Koontz's Dugley

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Failure - Speak or Read the Word - How Does It Make You Feel?

Failure is part of the human existence, unfortunately. We all think it and live it, some more than others but overuse that dastardly word. It stresses us out to the max. It connotes fear, negativity, promotes ill feelings and makes us sick.

We are afraid of it and draw it to us as our best friend then try to fight it because it repulses us.

Once you get into a funk you start thinking of everything that is not right, in other words, failure and that negativity can and does take over unless you make a concerted effort to consciously step out of that space and think good thoughts.

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure. ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

The problem is, and I know this for myself, is that when you think of one little thing that went wrong we blow it out of proportion then memories of other unconnected happenings big and small come tumbling out and we end up beating ourselves up.
Failure should not be in our lives at all, it has no place there. We are not here to fail but most of us have grown up with that idea. 
Madisyn Taylor of DailyOM has written a superb piece about Failure and it is such a significant and important topic it must be read. She talks about the way fear rules our consciousness when the all encompassing word is used.

We human beings must find a  way to short-circuit negativity, for our own good and the well-being of the whole.

Read the article, open yourself up to the truth of the message her words, do the work needed on yourself and then banish that word, as she suggests, from your dictionary, no matter how long it takes. It's worth it.

Failure ~ Madisyn Taylor

All you have to do is speak or read the word failure and see how it makes you feel.

The word failure puts forward a very simplistic way of thinking that allows for only two possibilities: failure or success. Few things in the universe are black and white, yet much of our language reads as if they are.

The word failure signifies a paradigm in which all subtlety is lost.

When we regard something we have done, or ourselves, as a failure, we lose our ability to see the truth, which is no doubt considerably more complex. In addition, we hurt ourselves. All you have to do is speak or read the word failure and see how it makes you feel.

At some point, the word may not have been so loaded with the weight of negativity, and it simply referred to something that did not go according to plan.

Unfortunately, in our culture it is often used very negatively, such as when a person is labeled a failure, even though it is impossible for something as vast and subtle as a human being to be reduced in such a way.

It also acts as a deterrent, scaring us from taking risks for fear of failure. It has somehow come to represent the worst possible outcome.

Failure is a word so burdened with fearful and unconscious energy that we can all benefit from consciously examining our use of it, because the language we use influences the way we think and feel.

Next time you feel like a failure or fear failure, know that you are under the influence of an outmoded way of perceiving the world. When the world failure comes up, it’s a call for us to apply a more enlightened consciousness to the matter at hand. When you are consciously aware of the word and its baggage you will not fall victim to its darkness.

In your own use of language, you may choose to stop using the word failure altogether. This might encourage you to articulate more clearly the truth of the situation, opening your mind to subtleties and possibilities the word failure would never have allowed.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ― Winston Churchill

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CHARACTER COUNTS - The Boys Down At The Stable, A Lesson

What happens when we step up into the life that we want to live only to discover that people who we thought supported us, don't?

Here's one of those stories and the response from the files of Bob Proctor...

Many years ago a young lady who was attending a seminar shared an interesting story with me.

Apparently she and two or three of her girlfriends went and tried out for a place in a stage play. She got the starring role while her girlfriends were not even picked for the supporting cast.  

Opening night she said she was really excited but afterwards became very disappointed when her girlfriends never came out and supported her. She was explaining the situation to an elderly friend of her fathers named Hap. He wrote her a letter and she gave me a copy with her permission to share it with others. Read it carefully and think.

Dear Ann,

Once upon a time there was a fellow by the name of Al Capp who wrote a comic strip called "L'il Abner."  

Many years ago he had some characters in his strip who lived in a town near Dogpatch. They were the town bums, the n'er do wells, the failures whose whole aim in life was to pass judgement on others.  

Their criticism and ridicule became so vehement that in time the rest of the people in the town became acutely conscious of it. "The boys down at the stable," as they were called because that's where they spent most of their time, soon set the social standards of the town.  

Nobody could do anything without their sanction.

Because they lived within the structure of their crummy little world, they would laugh and point their fingers at anyone and everyone who tried to be better than they were.  

As a result the people feared the ridicule of the boys down at the stable so much that they stopped trying. Soon everybody became bums and the town died.

In every social structure, Ann, whether it be family, town, county or state, there are "The boys down at the stable." They are the jealous ones.  They are too scared to try something different. They show their ignorance by laughing at those who do.  

Learn to recognize them Ann, for what they are. Don't let them hurt you. It takes a certain amount of toughness to succeed. One has to rise above those who would tear you down so that they can laugh and say, "I told you so!"

There are too many of us who love you and want you to make it. I could put myself at the top of the list. You aren't going to fall flat on your face as they would have you. You are going to do a superb job.  

Remember this show is only a small step in the direction of greater things you will do, many of which are beyond your wildest dreams. All you have to do is want to. One of the things I like about you best is that you always give it hell for try.

The show will be a success because of you and others like you who try. There are only winners in the cast. The losers are gathered down at the stable laughing and hoping for your failure.  

If we could dig down deep inside them, I'm sure we'd find they want to win also, but are too scared to try, and they attempt to cover up their own failures as human beings by laughing at others.  

In a sense I'm sorry for them. Their guilt must make them very unhappy people.

Much love,
Hap

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Even Though I'm Afraid EFT Script

The Emotional Freedom Technique was developed by Gary Craig, now retired.

It is an effective, non-invasive technique in which you use your fingers to tap on acupuncture points on your face and in the more advanced part, on your fingers, while talking out a particular problem that makes you feel bad.

Sounds simple and it is but there's a catch. EFT tapping is like a knock and answer setup. Someone knocks at the door (that's you tapping) and you answer by asking "who's there?". The unsuspected, underlying emotions that arise from tapping is the (who's there) question.

If you are not prepared to take responsibility for any feelings that arise from the EFT tapping - which brings up the root cause of your emotional problem - don't start. You should Learn EFT and how it could benefit you. 

An extremely useful EFT tapping script on fear and worry from EFT Expert Brad Yates. Try it at your own risk.

EFT Tapping Transcription: Fear and Worry
Side of the Hand:

Even though I'm afraid, I choose to love and accept myself.

Even though I'm afraid, I choose to love and forgive me.

Even though I'm afraid…

Even though I feel anxious and I'm worried, and it is not comfortable, I choose to dissolve these emotions.

And even though I'm afraid, I choose to deeply and completely

Love, accept and forgive myself

And all the people in my life who taught me to be so afraid.

Eyebrow (EB): All this fear

Side of the Eye (SE): all this fear

Under the Eye (UE): all this fear

Under the Nose (UN): I choose to release it.

Chin (CH): I choose to remove it.

Collarbone (CB): This anxiety

Under Arm (UA): This worry

Top of the head (TH): They do not help me.



EB: But part of me thinks they are beneficial to me.

SE: One part of me thinks I need to fear.

UE: Part of me thinks it necessary to worry.

UN: What if I am not worried,

UM: something unpleasant will happen.

CB: All this fear that something unpleasant is going to happen

UA: If I'm not afraid.

TH: If I'm not worried.



EB: But this fear is really uncomfortable.

SE: So the mere fact that I’m experiencing this

UE: means that something unpleasant is already happening.

UN: This is perhaps why Roosevelt said:

UM: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'

CB: And I spend a lot of time

UA: afraid of fear.

TH: being afraid of being afraid.



EB: imagining circumstances

SE: Which will cause anxiety.

UE: I get anxious just thinking.

UN: My fear is largely

UM: My anxiety is largely

CB: My concern is largely

UA: aroused by something that does not even happen.

TH: The threat exists only in my imagination.



EB: And if my experience is real

SE: If there are things I could or should fear,

UE: I choose to recognize them.

UN: I am able to handle these situations.

UM: to cope,

CB: or avoid,

UA: even if I choose not to be afraid.

TH: I release myself from all this fear that weighs on me.



EB: I'm free of this unpleasant anxiety.

SE: I release all my anxiety.

UE: releasing it at a cellular level.

UN: I release myself from any physical symptom.

UM: My heart can beat in a regular rhythm.

CB: My breathing is calm and relaxed.

UA: I can be calm and confident.

TH: because I can cope with life.



EB: I release any fear accumulated over the years.

SE: I accept that part of myself

UE: who needs to be afraid.

UN: It strives to protect me.

UM: it listens to the words that I heard.

CB: it saw things that I have experienced.

UA: I eliminate any fear that relates to my past.

TH: All the fear I felt



EB: and I decided to keep.

SE: And all the fear that others told me to feel.

UE: I do not need

UN: to feel their fear.

UM: To take care of me.

CL: I removed all my doubts about it.

UA: I eliminate my need to be afraid.

TH: I allow myself to relax.



EB: I allow myself to relax.

SE: I can relax.

UE: I allow myself to be calm and confident.

UN: I allow my body to calm down and choose trust.

UM: I allow myself permission to believe

CB: In everything I choose to believe,

UA: and all that I want to believe.

TH: Including myself.



EB: I choose to feel calm and confident.

SE: allowing myself to feel calm and confidence.

UE: I relax and breathe easily

UN: knowing that I can cope with life

UM: I can handle the situations that present themselves to me

CB: And make good decisions.

UA: I feel calm and sure of myself,

TH: In body, mind and spirit.


Take a deep breath… and a drink of water.

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Tune Into Your Intuitive Wisdom and Release Irrational Fears

By tuning into our intuitive wisdom, we can release irrational fears and take greater control over our lives. The source of our feelings can often be vague, which can leave us feeling uncertain about our choices.

If we simply take the time to get connected with our intuition, we gain a better understanding of ourselves and our emotions. If we discover that our fears are justified, we can use that knowledge to make wiser choices for ourselves, and if we discover that our feelings are caused by irrational fears, we can work through them and release them.

The end result is that we feel much more in control of our emotions and our lives. By seeking a greater understanding of your emotions today, you will gain the freedom of confidence in every interaction. DailyOm

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Revealing Your Feelings To Achieve Reconciliation Instead Assigning Blame

Image by catlovers via FlickrIt is so easy to blame others for our distress particularly when our relationships are rocky. But you know what, it is up to each of us individuals to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions. Keeping in mind always that it is your negative thoughts which create your negative emotions and your actions!

Talk to those with whom you have issues as it is your reaction – and I am not saying anything is wrong with that because I'm in the same boat too – that exacerbated the already contentious situation.

If the relationship matters to you keep on trying and remember always to say "I feel...". This clearly shows that you are talking about yourself and you are not assigning blame or pointing fingers to the other person regardless of their part in the scenario.

If you cannot get through to the person then you can write them a letter. Just pour your heart out and express your feelings and send it in the mail.

There are times however when nothing you do or say will make a difference because of the mindset of person or persons. When that is the case, let it go and start working on yourself and trust that all will be well. I have been living this for the past year with my birth mother, sister and brother in law so consider me an "expert" in this area.

When you change as you will because you must grow into who you are, your evolution on the inside will exude an energy which will positively affect those with whom you interact. What must fall by the wayside is inevitable and when family members are the so-called culprits it is time to let go of that "guilt" in particular and move on.

And take it from me a family is not a mother, father, children etc.  A family is a group of people who love, support and lift up each other - never putting them down.

One of the easiest ways to ease distress related to our relationships is to share our feelings with our loved ones. Though we may fear the intensity of our emotional response is out of proportion or that the people we care about will reject us for our vulnerability, expressing our feelings in an ambiguous manner will seldom help us solve the issues weighing on our hearts.

When we are willing to reveal our pain to family and friends, they can then address our concerns openly. The hurt we feel becomes a catalyst that inspires healing through honest and intense discussion. And our forthright manner further reassures our loved ones that our goal in revealing our feelings is to achieve reconciliation rather than to assign blame. You will feel more secure in your relationships today when you resolve to share your pain with the people you care about. —DailyOM

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30 False Beliefs from My Fabulous Life Metamorphic Trip

Image by Thomas Hawk

Are you afraid of being kind, showing tenderness and caring? It does not make you weak; I can attest to that. 

For years growing up, I abhored showing any kind of emotion. I did not realise it was because my good nature was always abused.

Anger was okay. I needed the outlet anyway to deal with the dysfunctional environment in which I grew up.

That blockage stayed with me for decades. Obligation, responsibility and pay back have always been the watch words in the family house. It replaced love and caring.

Because of this dysfunction, I thought romantic movies were sappy and fake, which they were, but my judgement applied to real life as well. Love did not exist. Screwed up, I certainly was.  

Openly showing kindness spelt weakness of the worse sort. Any kind of giving was out of the question! 

Yet, I gave of myself unstintingly to everyone. It was natural but bizarrely I never considered that. If someone is in difficulty, it is normal for me to offer my assistance whether I like the person or not. That is what human beings do.

I have been told that I am kind, that I have a kind heart, but I find that hard to accept because it is still in me that being called kind is equated with being weak! Stupid, I know.

My point is that I did not know what to believe about myself. Actually, I did not know my Self at all. 

I understood decades later that those feelings were linked to my mother forcing me to give up whatever I owned (including my too small clothing) to my younger siblings whenever they demanded it. She said it was to "keep the peace".

It set up a pattern in later years where all they had to say was "I want that" — something of mine and I would automatically give it because I felt I had no choice in the matter.

This woman set me up for a life of deprivation with the message "you do not have the right to succeed". How can anyone do that to a child? She was obviously coming from a place of painful lack herself.

She has no generosity of spirit. Everything is a payback and as she grows older, gives less and less, hoards more and more, demands more and manipulates her children to get it.

She does not like anyone, not even herself.

She is a bottomless pit of need which is a shame because she has a pleasant, child-like quality about her which attracts people to her. I think that comes from her lack of emotional growth.

However, she is her own pity party; deliberately creating diseases and other ailments to get attention and starting her own emotional infernos to get a reaction (from yours truly). It is all she has now.

Nothing is ever her responsibility and in the four plus decades that I have known this woman, I have observed one significant change. She says thank you now. That is major!

She also helped me out financially in a significant way in 2010. I was shocked and grateful at the same time. I also understood later on that it was payback to me, on an energetic level. 

Image by Images by John 'K'For the first time in memory, my family helped me and for that I was prepared to give  selflessly in return.

All I asked in return was kindness, and understanding while I found my feet, on my return to the Caribbean.

Instead, they proceeded to rip my heart out.

They recognised you see that I had irrevocably changed in my twenty-four year absence. The new me had limits and that was not appreciated.

My mother was particularly incensed about that and decided to get her pound of flesh.

So, what false beliefs did this human embed in my psyche through this scarification process (emotionally and physically) that really pertained to her, and which I had absorbed and need to clear decades later?

1. I come first.
2. I am stupid.
3. You have a nobody.
4. Love does not exist.
5. I have no self-worth. 
6. I do not have enough. 
7. Getting money is hard.
8. Don't be stupid like me. 
9. Buy cheap and make do.
   
10. Only my feelings matter.
11. You must take care of me. 
12. You are no better than me.
13. Abundance is for high class people.
14. You must work hard for little reward.
15. You do not have the right to succeed.
    
16. I am not okay and neither will you be. 
17. It is normal to encounter difficulties in life.
18. I am not responsible for anything I do or say. 
19. You must do it all perfectly, no errors allowed.
20. Money is for scraping by; saving is for rich folk.
21. Denigration and moral self-immolation is normal.  
22. You do not have the right to have more than I did.
23. I knew nothing better and this is the best I can do.
24. You have to work hard for your money but it doesn't last.
25. Abundance is for other people, not me, and certainly not you. 
26. Do not admire what others have, you don't know how the got it. 
27. When I do anything for you, you must repay it in cash or in kind.
28. If you ever have more money than you need, you do not deserve it and must get rid of it.
29. It is my right to demand that you take care of me. That is why you received a minimum education. 
30. I am not responsible for anything I do or say and I will never apologise or acknowledge your feelings. 

It took me a long while to get here people and I guarantee you, I ain't going back there. I am naked now, scars showing and it's all good.

Although I knew a lot of this, this wonderful woman launched into a diatribe against me today during one of her vitriolic ego trips, and clarified everything I have written here.

I had to put it down for posterity immediately; the words just flowed. She is nothing but pain.

I used to think of her, her daughter and son-in-law as beasts; wild, ravaging animals throughout 2010 because they hurt me so bad. That, of course did me no good because I got it back in spades. That was the law of vibration at work people.

Now that is gone. Even though I still live in the same house, I rarely think of them even when I see them. They are just lost, confused and very, very small. 

It does not mean they don't tick me off at times; they do but I do not show it.

It does not mean that their deliberate wounding words and actions don't make my heart ache sometimes, they do; but I refuse to show that! 

Image by thenemrel No matter how choked up I get, I intend to be kind, and honest when I feel the need to express.

 

Meditation and EFT tapping help me a lot here. If you are interested, learn how to tap. 

And here's what I learned about my Self from all this which started off my new decade in 2011 just right:

I am love, confident, resourceful, 

generous, assertive and unstoppable. 

A beacon called to share my light and talents with the world, 

and to be real, generous and inspiring. 

(Thank you Chloe Taylor Brown!)

What a fabulous metamorphic trip I am on here. I am tripping out on love and life and it does not get any more fulfilling than this. I know it is going to get even better!

I am grateful to my mother in all her dysfunctional glory. Marian, I love you so much and thank you! I could not have made it here without you!

After all, life is about loving.

Technorati Tags: false beliefs, life is about loving, metamorphic trip, give selflessly

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Living, Lying, Authenticity and Fear

Image via Wikipedia

I thought I'd republish Marianne Williamson's Our Deepest Fear from a previous post Keeping the past alive means living a lie

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

 

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

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Is Fear of Change Making You Blow Smoke?

James M Lynch has another thought-provoking post Blowing Smoke but not exactly the way you think.

Are you a "but head" and do you know people who are? You know "yes, but ..."  That's what Lynch's latest post is about. The procrastination and refusals that start with ...I'm not sure... well, maybe but... although... conventional wisdom says... Here's how he puts it:

BUT -- this is a word I could just as well do without. It stops more projects before they even hit the planning stage than it creates. A rule I heard once encouraged us to replace the word but with the word "and". It became a way to suggest better planning than a discouragement and road block.

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