Giving: Are You Allowing Others To Fill Their Cup From Your Stream?

Giving by Khalil Gibran strikes a chord with me based on recent experiences and I intend to expand further on this topic in a separate post.  But I ask you now, do you allow others to fill their cup from your stream?

I have noticed that people put so much emphasis on giving particularly in these days of man-made difficulties. 

Yet, I get the feeling that individuals feel that they must. That's nonsense of course; it just ain't so! If you do not want to not even of yourself, it's alright; it's not a crime for heaven's sake! 

When you do give, do it from the heart and without forethought. Because giving in any other way cheapens you, negates the spiritual energy from the gift and diminishes the receiver's joy (unbeknowst to you, of course). Living a lie in any form is a waste of time and energy.

Now, check out my man of the moment, Khalil Gibran's Giving and sup on the message.

Giving

Then said a rich man, "Speak to us of Giving" and he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.  For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the over-prudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?  Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.  These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.  And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.  Though the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.

And is there aught you would withhold?  All you have shall some day be given;

Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.

You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving." 

The trees in your orchard say not so nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live; for to withhold is to perish.  Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.

And what dessert greater shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.  For in truth it is life that gives unto life – while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers - and you are all receivers - assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings; for to be over-mindful of your debt is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.

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Living in Amazement In The Here and Now

Are you living in amazement in the here and now? You should be. I am beginning to understand how essential that is to my soul's well-being.

I have "encountered" Mary Oliver's poem When Death Comes twice in one week and it knocked my socks off both times and stirred me up so much that it needs to be aired again and shared.  


Drs Cara Barker's How Alive Is Your Love and Judith Rich's Soulful Living: Why Is Cultivating The Soul So Painful exquisitely soulful articles beautifully highlight this poem and so, they are "must reads". Now, let the lady talk you through.

When Death Comes

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse


to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox


when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,


I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?


And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,


and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,


and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.


When it's over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.


When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.


I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument.


I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Related articles

• Dr. Cara Barker: What Alice And The Hatter Have To Teach Us (huffingtonpost.com)

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GOOD NEWS: Owning Your Words

For my good news weekend, the first thing I encountered was this thought-provoking article which talks about owning your own words. 

It is not about walking the talk; we know that is necessary in order to remain authentic to ourselves first and foremost.

No, this is more about expressing yourself deliberately with the right words which convey, unambiguously, the message that you intend to send. 

Sometimes, I flub it when I am not right in my skin like quite recently when I said to someone that "so and so said..." when in fact it was a powerful "sending" that I had captured from the person. So apologies were in order because the person had never actually said anything. 

Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. Abraham J. Heschel

Owning my words is what I strive to achieve every day which is why you must take control when under the influence of strong emotion and avoid recriminations and "throwing" words at others. Stop holding onto pent up feelings and deal with situations as they occur. 

This type of interaction is always nasty and words uttered can never ever be forgotten; not by anyone. And how about you - do you own your words?

In this vein, here is an inspirational excerpt from Bob Proctor's Insight of the Day. I hope you find it as wonderfully enlightening and thought-provoking as I do.

I thought about "owning my words."

They say that actions speak louder than words, but people tend to say things without really thinking.

Words build up or tear down.

Words inspire or insult.

The first words spoken have made lovers out of strangers.

The last words whispered may ease a mourners pain.

Words spoken in anger are often forgiven, but rarely forgotten.

"Just what I needed to hear!" means God spoke through you.

You are what you say and how you say it.

Matthew 12:37 "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

Dale Carnegie once said, "You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now.

How?

By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime."

Sometimes words are all we have when there's nothing we can do.

"I wish you enough!"

Bob Perks

Bob Perks is an inspirational author and speaker. Bob's new book I Wish You Enough has been published by Thomas Nelson Publishers. A collection of stories based on his Eight Wishes expressed below. Available through your favorite bookstore or online. Visit http://www.bobperks.com/

"I Wish You Enough!"

(c) 2001 Bob Perks
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

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My Journey of Enlightenment

My journey of enlightenment is inspired by James M Lynch's masterful "Think Exercise" in the chapter There Is Nothing Good or Bad But Thinking Makes It So, from his The Hamlet Secret: A Self-Directed (Shakespearean) Workbook for Living a Passionate, Joy-Filled Life

He suggests working through our shit, my word not his, by listing the bad things that happened to us (left a mark) and alongside each event, identify the good that came from it. 

This does not in any way negate the memory of pain and suffering; it is cathartic though and shines light in those dark places. An eighty-six year old said to me recently "there's no better antiseptic than sunshine". Make writing your "sunshine".

I was really excited to do this exercise because I have moved but wanted to explore events from autumn 2009 to see whether I sold myself a crock or not.  Here goes:

Physical and psychological abuse

The Bad Thing That Happened: Anally raped at three while my mother and so-called family were laughing and having fun just outside the open door, yet miles away in reality.

 

The Good That Came From It:  Learned to shield my Self from damage and became aware of my guardian angel.

The Bad Thing That Happened: Battering and psychological abuse.

The Good That Came From It:  I grew up. Forged a strong-willed and determined character; I became self-reliant and learned to live in my head.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Burning of my precious books.

The Good That Came From It:  Encouraged me to develop and use my imagination, and I learned to set clear goals and achieve them (like saving my daily school money to cater to my own needs).

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Giving away all of my "bits and bobs" to my younger siblings whenever they asked.  

The Good That Came From It:  Learned how to let go and not hold onto anything.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Rarely received Christmas or birthday (January) gifts.

The Good That Came From It:  I learned not to complain - Ha! Forgot that as an adult - and it encouraged me to depend on my own resources.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Molested at ten by my stepfather.

 

The Good That Came From It:  Learned to judge people by their deeds not their words, and I became a powerful and relentless person who is afraid of no one. 

I learned to develop my inner resources.

Death does not exist

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Death of my "fairy" grandmother. 

 

The Good That Came From It:  Her "departure" taught me that I will never die because death does not exist; only the body dies but the soul is eternal. 


I understood this instinctively when I saw her lying in her coffin when I was nine years old; I knew that it wasn't her and said so. She was long gone.

Don't have the right to succeed

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Denied going to college.

 

The Good That Came From It:  It fired me up with the desire to get my own house and be my own boss. Achieved at twenty-one.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Discovered that my sister had emptied my current account - one year's worth of mortgage payments - to pay her debts.

 

The Good That Came From It:  I was twenty-seven and living and working in New York City by then.  I learned to say "no" and "no more" to my family. It was also the beginning of my search for self-worth.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Mugged and had flashbacks for months.

 

The Good That Came From It:  From my family's demonstrable lack of reaction and concern, I finally understood that there was no going back for me.

Depression

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Suicidal depression.

 

The Good That Came From It:  Released the festering decades of rage; understood the childhood trauma and its resulting dysfunction which I had been reproducing as an adult. 

I dropped the masks, role-playing and stories; learned to honestly express my feelings and be authentic in my interaction with others; discovered I was a person of worth, and I had the right to dreams, love, happiness and prosperity. I also discovered my gift for writing.

Rehabilitation 

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Growth of a non-malignant mass the size of a Pomelo (Thai grapefruit) next to my left ovary which filled my womb.

 

The Good That Came From It:  It was the "delivery" after twelve months of gestation (psychotherapy). It revealed a secret wish I had in my twenties - the desire for a baby to love and nurture as I never was.

I reconnected on an emotional level with the little abused me who needed to be accepted, loved and absorbed; and understood how thoughts and emotions culminate in physical manifestations and illness.

My search for healing introduced me to the marvelous and previously unknown world of energy healing. After six months of thought, reflection, denial, understanding and acceptance, the growth shrunk out of existence.

The worth of material things

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Bankruptcy and threat of eviction.

 

The Good That Came From It:  It exposed the false belief that I did not have the right to succeed; that difficulties must be a constant companion because life is like that. What crap! 

It also reinforced a lesson learned long ago - after much resistance this time round - to let go of material things. I will always be me no matter what.

And I discovered affirmations, numerous meditation techniques of which Kevin Schoeninger's Core Technique is one of my absolute favourites, many effective and non-invasive healing techniques as described in Create emotional space within and reconnect with your Inner Being, and tons of teachers, far too numerous to list here.

End of this journey

Here ends my journey of enlightenment exercise folks – this crap is over and done with – and I am dancing out loud.

Now, I am actively working on expecting only the best and whatever else happens will be another adventure; not that I or you have any choice:)

James my man, I cannot thank you enough for "There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so".

Much love to ya! Give it up for the man folks and his The Hamlet Secret: (Shakespearean) Workbook. And really people, buy this amazing book!

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How "Free" Do You Think You Are, Really?

More food for thought this week. Something's working in me here, don't know what it is but I'm following it.

Perusing Khalil Gibran's marvelous works, I came across this chapter on Freedom which caused me to ask this question "out loud" – what is freedom to you and how free do you think you are, really.

I often wonder if I question my thoughts, words and deeds enough and do I do enough to be authentic which is pretty tough at times. I dislike going with the flow because down the road it's put up or shut up.

However, I do catch myself doing so sometimes or not saying what I really mean or leaving things unsaid to avoid a hassle. Know what I mean.

FREEDOM

And an orator said, "Speak to us of Freedom."

And he answered:

At the city gate and by your fireside I have seen you prostrate yourself and worship your own freedom.

Even as slaves humble themselves before a tyrant and praise him though he slays them.

Ay, in the grove of the temple and in the shadow of the citadel I have seen the freest among you wear their freedom as a yoke and a handcuff.

And my heart bled within me; for you can only be free when even the desire of seeking freedom becomes a harness to you, and when you cease to speak of freedom as a goal and a fulfillment.

You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief.

But rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound.

And how shall you rise beyond your days and nights unless you break the chains which you, at the dawn of your understanding, have fastened around your noon hour? 

In truth that which you call freedom is the strongest of these chains, though its links glitter in the sun and dazzle the eyes.

And what is it but fragments of your own self you would discard that you may become free?

If it is an unjust law you would abolish, that law was written with your own hand upon your own forehead.

You cannot erase it by burning your law books nor by washing the foreheads of your judges, though you pour the sea upon them.

And if it is a despot you would dethrone, see first that his throne erected within you is destroyed.

For how can a tyrant rule the free and the proud, but for a tyranny in their own freedom and a shame in their won pride?

And if it is a care you would cast off, that care has been chosen by you rather than imposed upon you.

And if it is a fear you would dispel, the seat of that fear is in your heart and not in the hand of the feared.

Verily all things move within your being in constant half embrace, the desired and the dreaded, the repugnant and the cherished, the pursued and that which you would escape.

These things move within you as lights and shadows in pairs that cling.

And when the shadow fades and is no more, the light that lingers becomes a shadow to another light.

And thus your freedom when it loses its fetters becomes itself the fetter of a greater freedom.

 

Now tell me if this isn't sublime! What's your interpretation and are you in agreement that your freedom is within you; that there is nothing to seek? So how free do you think you are, really, after reading this. 

It brings to mind Ed and Deb Shapiro's article Be the change you want to see in the world quoting Mahatma Gandhi, and their book as well Be the change; how meditation can transform you and the world.

Have a blessed day people!

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Is Your Life An Ocean or A Rock?

Food for thought this week is about how you look at life and deal with difficulties when they happen. Is your life an ocean or a rock?

Do you laugh and gambol like a child at play as the waves roll in wetting your feet and destroying your castle in the process? Or do you allow it to roll over you knowing that it will recede because it must?

Or are you one of those, like me, who was taught that life is a rock and you have to hammer away at it everyday to get what you want; in the process making everything so much harder? I know now that that was never true. How about you?

How do you react when those crashing waves seem to destroy everything you care about in one fell swoop?

The sublime Khalil Gibran – in Prophet talks about these Laws, natural and man-made, which govern our existence. Read on...

LAWS

Then a lawyer said, "But what of our Laws, master?" 

And he answered:

You delight in laying down laws;

Yet you delight more in breaking them.

Like children playing by the ocean who build sand towers with constancy and then destroy them with laughter.

But while you build your sand towers the ocean brings more sand to the shore.

And when you destroy them, the ocean laughs with you. Verily the ocean laughs always with the innocent.

But what of those to whom life is not an ocean, and man-made laws are not sand towers?

But to whom life is a rock, and the law a chisel with which they would carve it in their own likeness?

What of the cripple who hates dancers?

What of the ox who loves his yoke and deems the elk and deer of the forest stray and vagrant things?

What of the old serpent who cannot shed his skin, and calls all others naked and shameless?

And of him who comes early to the wedding feast, and when overfed and tired goes his way saying that all feasts are violation and all feasters law-breakers?

What shall I say of these save that they too stand in the sunlight, but with their backs to the sun?

They see only their shadows, and their shadows are their laws.

And what is the sun to them but a caster of shadows?

And what is it to acknowledge the laws but to stoop down and trace their shadows upon the earth?

But you who walk facing the sun, what images drawn on the earth can hold you?

You who travel with the wind, what weather vane shall direct your course?

What man's law shall bind you if you break your yoke but upon no man's prison door?

--

What laws shall you fear if you dance but stumble against no man's iron chains?

And who is he that shall bring you to judgment if you tear off your garment yet leave it in no man's path?

People of Orphalese, you can muffle the drum, and you can loosen the strings of the lyre, but who shall command the skylark not to sing?

So, were you able to answer "Is your life an ocean or a rock"?  And what tools do you use to deal with the vicissitudes of life? Do comment and let me know.

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Keeping the Past Alive Means Living A Lie: Stop Living in the Past

There are so many painful stories in the comments of my favourite news channel HuffPost Living  that boggle my mind and they make my own seem puny in comparison. All for the good too - it is a very humbling experience.

In this vein, Anne Naylor's Overcoming Powerlessness and Judith Rich's How to Know the Way of the Soul provide significant pointers to smooth your path by providing a balm to your soul, if you are ready to receive it. Be sure to delve into Huffpost Living at your leisure.

At the same time they also highlight the power, magnificence and resilience of humans beings when we allow ourselves to embody and manifest these intrinsic qualities. Marianne Williamson's Our Deepest Fear says it beautifully.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

When we find ourselves (loved ones included) in emotionally charged situations we allow it to suck us in and then we lose ourselves. The wonderfully inspirational Thich Nhat Hanh's comments provides some powerfully simple meditation techniques for stepping back from the brink, and so do Ed and Deb Shapiro. 

Because I have been there for decades, here's my take on living in the past.

Keeping the past alive

Means keeping the pain alive

And that means living a lie

Why would you want to cry 

More than you already have
Why would you

Continue to punish you

Living in the past is wrong
It's gone

It's impossible

Way too much trouble

Living in that bubble

Always out of sync

Creating a stink

When you come up for air

You smell fear

But no one's there

It's the smell you wear

Keeping the past alive

Is tradition gone wrong

It's swimming with knives

They cut you up constantly

Until the water's bloody
 

That's what living in the past

Says to me

The disrespect you face
In your own place

 Lack of respect for your own face

Means it's a race

Nobody wins

When you live in the past

Everybody's back of the class

Fighting change
Brings more pain

Change is scary

It happens daily

Sounds trite
But that's life

Hard knocks 
And your world rocks

Yeah, that sucks

No matter what you do

Expect victory

Whatever your story

Time heals
Though changes make you reel
Stay real

Even when you don't understand

And on your legs

You feel you cannot stand

Stop living in the past

Hold on to any solid ground

You've found

A good turn is coming round.

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How Life Is About L.O.V.E. and How We Live It

Good news weekend is how life is about love and how we live it! I love Khalil Gibran's stories and poems and I cannot believe I have not referenced any of his works on my beautiful blog. So making up for lost time, let him tell you what The Prophet says about Love.

L O V E

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love".

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. 

And with a great voice he said: 

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. 

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart" but rather, "I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Isn't that sublime?! Savour it and seek and awaken that love in your heart people; even for those who have done you terrible wrong. Why? Because when you find it and free it, you also free yourself.

When that happens, then, the love of the partner you may be seeking will find you. Bank on it.

Much love everybody.

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Your Attitude Determines How You Dance in the Rain

Continuing my good news weekend posts - this one is about facing up to life's challenges, the right way; your attitude determines how you dance in the rain. I call it dancing the dance of life.  

In one 24-hour period I encountered "dancing in the rain" three times... there is a message there for sure - and this one is the most significant of all from the marvelous (really!) Judith Rich's How to know the way of the soul

Dancing in the rain encourages us all to dance this dance when life's many challenges come our way. Sure, you can dance physically to work through your angst, anger and pain (it is fantastic) but talking out your problems, emptying your heart - because that is where the pain lies - with someone with whom you feel good is what is necessary. 

Pain, anger, sorrow, joy, laughter, peace and harmony all come from the same place. Khalil Gibran says it this way:

Joy and Sorrow

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow." 

And he answered, "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears."

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say "Joy is greater than sorrow" and others say "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.  Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. 

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Great day everyone. Now go out and dance that damn dance for all you are worth!

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