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| Source: searchwallpaper.org |
I believe in saying it like it is not because I want to be right all the time - I've learnt to keep my mouth shut - but because I have a duty to myself to be real, to not allow others to believe they can use and abuse me, intentional or not.
I just love myself too much to allow that to happen.
I just love myself too much to allow that to happen.
It has taken me so long to get here knowing all the while inside what I needed to be free and be me yet constantly putting myself after everyone else - a holdover from childhood abuse - to allow anyone, particularly a man who says he loves me disrespect me by not keeping his word.
Does that sound old fashioned to you? If so, then so be it. I recognise that my way of thinking, seeing things is not typical but since I've lived with her and grown up with her and have gotten to know her over these past 54 years, I'm going to keep her.
I am who I am even though most of the time I don't know who the heck that is.
I cannot and will not give in to bribery - those compliments that strike to the core of who you are as a woman, that stroke you - and while you're saying ahhh, wow in appreciation you get shat on soon after by the same person turning their back on you because they know they fucked up by not keeping their word and are angry... at you (in this case, me).
How stupid, childish and irresponsible can a person be for heaven's sake!
I find that so intolerable, the puerility of it all and I wonder, this soon-to-be 50 year old with some endearing qualities when he assumes his manhood, why do women in this country put up with this kind of shit.
I even asked him months ago what he thought the three women he had lived with for seven years each thought of him and his unacceptable attitude. He smiled, chuckled admitted the frequent periods of rage on their part "... but they didn't do anything" meaning they did not physically attack him but the relationships ended, didn't they...
I am just very grateful that I don't live with this fascinating fucked up creature.
It is shocking to realise that this brilliant incredibly intuitive man, having refused to live at home from the time he was ten years old - yet kept being pulled back into his family circle - grew up on the streets living that code of right is might with other louts like himself, doesn't know what you mean when you say "you disrespected me".
Isn't that sad? Isn't that frightening?
Even though his mother managed to keep that special child in school although he did not graduate, that question underlines his illiteracy and others like him.
So how do you respond when the normal social behaviour we take for granted is a foreign language to the person or persons with whom you're interacting? I was so taken aback by the question that I responded with a question of my own "do you understand what the word respect means".
As far as he was concerned when I tell him off in public or make him wait or do not respond when he shouts or tell him bluntly what I think about his behaviour, I show him no respect. Yet, if he adopts a similar attitude it's okay.
Do you see something cock-eyed with this picture?
Living in a homeless shelter is fascinating for it's life experiences as I get to meet all these peoples that seem to come from another planet.
This man freely spends what he makes, does not have a bank account, was wealthy once but was also a well-known criminal who now works closely with the police. Interesting, eh. His grandparents have made him "wealthy" in prime property in both Trinidad and Tobago and he is admittedly proud of his status.
His well-built 4-bedroom concrete house exists on a expensive lot of land in the city of Port of Spain, was raided and stripped by known cokeheads when he was in remand yard (prison) for three months awaiting trial for a crime for which he was found not guilty.
When you consider his background, you would think he would want a lawyer but he eschewed a court-appointed one, argued his own case in court and won. That is amazing all by itself and says a lot about the individual.
I have seen and heard this man in casual, friendly conversation with one of the cocaine addicts who admitted to ripping the guts out of his house, leaving just the bare walls and the roof.
Everyone I know would be hopping mad and would have ensured that that fella and his accomplices faced charges and ended up in jail!
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| Source: flowerloving.com |
Isn't that sad? Isn't that frightening?
Even though his mother managed to keep that special child in school although he did not graduate, that question underlines his illiteracy and others like him.
So how do you respond when the normal social behaviour we take for granted is a foreign language to the person or persons with whom you're interacting? I was so taken aback by the question that I responded with a question of my own "do you understand what the word respect means".
As far as he was concerned when I tell him off in public or make him wait or do not respond when he shouts or tell him bluntly what I think about his behaviour, I show him no respect. Yet, if he adopts a similar attitude it's okay.
Do you see something cock-eyed with this picture?
Living in a homeless shelter is fascinating for it's life experiences as I get to meet all these peoples that seem to come from another planet.
However, there's a deeper issue here when you consider the resident population in this 7-storey building from the drug addicts, alcoholics, homosexuals ostracized (really obscene but small minds = island country), the physically abused, estranged couples, psychiatric outpatients, the undiagnosed mentally ill, and this man, Ferguson the defacto manager/leader, and it's this, how does one effectively communicate with such persons when they live by this seemingly twisted code of respect which bears little relation to what the rest of us know and live by?
This man freely spends what he makes, does not have a bank account, was wealthy once but was also a well-known criminal who now works closely with the police. Interesting, eh. His grandparents have made him "wealthy" in prime property in both Trinidad and Tobago and he is admittedly proud of his status.
His well-built 4-bedroom concrete house exists on a expensive lot of land in the city of Port of Spain, was raided and stripped by known cokeheads when he was in remand yard (prison) for three months awaiting trial for a crime for which he was found not guilty.
When you consider his background, you would think he would want a lawyer but he eschewed a court-appointed one, argued his own case in court and won. That is amazing all by itself and says a lot about the individual.
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| Source: mysmartshop |
Everyone I know would be hopping mad and would have ensured that that fella and his accomplices faced charges and ended up in jail!
So you see, what he is and represents does not really tell us anything about who he is and I strongly suspect the same goes for many in this Centre although they may not all be as complex as this man.
Life here is a work in progress, communication is key and I am working out the kinks in the "respect zone" at this Centre for the socially displaced (CSDP) to enable me to understand what rules these individual minds.
I think the journey will enable me to get to know my Self even more. Isn't that what life's about though?
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