The Possibility of Redemption in You - Decide to forgive for your own sake

Temple-in-the-Sea flags, Waterloo, Trinidad

A lot of us do crazy shit sometimes and are hurtful and deliberately cruel to others for no other reason than we can. We gotta let it out - it is too strong to hold inside.

No one is beyond redemption. Everyone has a bright spark within. No person is 100 percent bad or 100 percent good although that may be difficult for many to accept, and usually only certain people can discern this. No, I am not saying let the serial killers, murderers and the like out of prison nor am I saying let's have a love fest.

For instance, there is a drug dealer in my neighbourhood who I found out paid two homeless men to clear away a little mountain of garbage and clean up the area after the non-renewal of the sanitation company's contract.

It was a thoughtful act but it still does not negate the fact that he deals death whenever he sells his product. So yeah, I still think he's a shite.

However, can I honestly say that my opinion has not shifted just a little bit? No, I can't.

When people hurt you, badly, you remember it. The deeper the pain the more significant the trauma felt and the longer you hold onto it. It festers, creates emotional sores which never scabs over because you keep picking at it.

You need to understand that the pain and rage become trusted partners over time as you keep re-living the event. If there were any pleasant memories associated with your abuser, they become over-shadowed and eventually obliterated by your feelings of animosity.

The first step to redemption is to stop drinking other people's poison. That is what hate is as said so eloquently by Nelson Mandela.

The day will come when you must decide to take a stand for our own sake and say stop, I can't take this anymore!

Either you face down the person, get professional help to deal with your feelings or find a non-invasive technique that works for you - to relieve the pain.

Hate makes you feel strong and invincible but a little piece of yourself dies every day the longer you live the past event or remain in the unbearable relationship, even though it may be only in your mind.

You see, the brain cannot differentiate between what you imagine and what is real. The more powerful the emotion, the more "live" and focussed the thought/imagination.

Decide right now to forgive for your own sake. Regardless of your experiences, you are not doing one damn thing to your abuser be they past or present.

Observe them honestly. Find something, just one little thing, which by the way could be their only redeeming quality, like a spark in the dark that lifts them out of the murky depths.

In times like these, do Byron Katie's The Work on your situation. The amazing clarity and wisdom you find in yourself (be very truthful) encourages you to go further. I posted Don't ever lose faith in yourself after my experiences.

Work at it and remember to love yourself. Whether you accept this or not, you come first. You are useless to yourself and anyone else without self-compassion.

There are many other effective and non-invasive techniques, some of which I talk about in Take the next turn into your new life. That is just a starter so go ahead and take charge, empower yourself.

You allowed your past to define you and because of that you remained trapped in limbo, surrounded by hate, shame, guilt, rage and fear. That is an explosive cocktail and a terrible burden to bear and it eventually destroys you.

When you decide to let go, more light than darkness will permeate your world. Tell yourself each day that you are worth it and know that regardless of what you have done in the past or what has been perpetrated upon you in the past, it is just that, the past.

It is what you are yet to achieve that counts. The future is not yet written; your actions determine that and it is certainly not etched in stone!

The possibility of redemption is in you!