4 Simple Ways to Communicate Effectively and Be Heard

Love might make the world go round but communication is what creates harmonious and lasting relationships which makes us go round the world together!

When I woke this morning these 4 simple ways to communicate effectively and be heard popped into my head. They are not original, however they are quite effective.

1 - Write down the points you want to discuss. It is an excellent way to keep yourself on topic, and ensures that you remember what you want to talk about especially when you are emotionally involved.

It is also useful when the other person tries to derail you so that you get caught up in their story. 

Choose the moment. For instance, the end of a stressful working day is a bad idea. She or he will be more receptive to what you have to say when they are relaxed.

2 - Always begin by saying "I feel...".  The person you are speaking with will relax and lower their guard because you are not accusing them.

This is particularly important because no one on this green earth is a mind reader. It is therefore your responsibility to speak up and explain how you feel and why.

"Acting out" solves nothing and worsens the situation. This in turn leads

to accusations, recriminations, bad feelings and break ups.

And remember:

• no one can hurt you unless you allow them to;
• no one can make you feel a particular way unless you want to;
• you are responsible for the way you think, feel and act. If this is particularly difficult for you, seek professional help to sort out your issues. I did it for a year and recommend psycho-therapy every change I get!

3 - Write a letter and mail it to the person concerned.  This is fantastic therapy and it is incredibly cathartic. It is particularly useful with people estranged from each other who:

• want to make peace; 
• clear up misunderstandings but cannot get past the emotional mine field; or 
• just get the shit off their chest before they choke. 

a) Share your feelings honestly in the letter and if it is a new relationship you want to create, go easy on the accusations and recriminations. Begging and pleading are self-defeating, limiting and shows a lack of self-respect.

b) Be prepared to accept the response, whatever it may be. If there is no reply, that is also a response.

c) This works even when you are living under the same roof and is a great ice-breaker but the close proximity could make it more stressful for you the writer. If that is the case, send the letter to the person's workplace, marked private and confidential.

This method is also therapeutic for children, particularly teenagers and adolescents who, habitually, are unable to express themselves as they might like.

d) Do not give the person advanced warning as you might be tempted to and do not hound them about it either. That could sabotage your efforts before the process has even begun.

However, you should definitely be planning - not rehearsing, that never works - what you want to say for the heart-to-heart talk.

This letter-writing method works because:

• you have given the person the space they need to read, absorb, think and reflect on the contents;
• there is no direct judgement or expectation which makes people defensive;
• it comes from a place of self-love; yes, this is how much you love yourself!
• you have lifted the emotional load off your chest and released the pressure which allows you to have a clear head; and more importantly
• written words carry tremendous power. Once they are read they cannot be unread and are recorded by the mind. And when emotions are involved the words leave an indelible impression on the reader who cannot ignore them.

4 - Listen when the other person is talking.  It is all very well to talk about talking but if you are not prepared to be present and listen to what the other person has to say, then it is a waste of everyone's time.

Just as it takes two to tango, it takes two people to communicate. For this to work you need:

• quiet time free of distractions - no PDAs, cell phones, children, radio or TV;
• compassion and understanding;
• clarity of thought and purpose no matter how nervous you feel; think about the outcome of this first of many discussions;
• a willingness to listen - I mean actively listen;
• the ability to keep your mouth shut while the other person is speaking; that means kill the "yes, but...", and 
• When it is your turn to respond, start with "I hear what you're saying..."  and mean it.

And there you have it folks, my contribution to us getting along - 4 simple ways to communicate effectively and be heard.

Hop over to Positively Present's 3 Ways to be conscious of your communication. I have never read a blog so aptly named; she really is positively present and it is a joy to read her posts.

What do you think about my suggestions and what would you add that works for you?