Why Don't Others See What I See?

Image via Wikipedia

The motivations which drive the people with whom I come into contact are so damn clear, even a baby could read them.



And I just do not understand why others do not see what I see!

When I was very young I shielded myself from it the only way I could be retreating into myself because I did not understand it and it was too much.

During puberty and adolescence that wasn't possible - there was way too much emotion on the boil so I was always "boiling over",  and being raped by a man supposedly my stepfather did not help matters.

My first "real" knowing

I clearly remember meeting him when I was six or seven and when he disinterestedly patted me on the head like a dog, I remember "knowing" that I did not matter to him at all.

I disliked him from day on and that never changed until I decided to call him and tell him I forgave him for what he did to me; how it destroyed my life until I created one for myself in my forties. It was not not for him; I had to get rid of the weight on my shoulders.

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia
And to be clear because even my psychologist asked me how I could have forgiven him for what he did. 

It was easy because I had finally worked through that shit and my suicidal breakdown - for which she was treating me - was part of the process in order to reconstruct my psyche.

This corrupted creature has been weaned from my psyche. He is now a distant memory as if the event happened to someone else.

A lesson on desire and belief works

I have always puzzled over why others don't see what I see.  I know I am not unique in my observations so where is everyone else.

I want digress here to show you how desire and belief attracts what you want - as it happened to me - despite the unhappiness in my life at the time. 

A desire for my own house

With all that happened to me in that house, I desperately wanted my own house. With the help of an influential cousin in the government at the time, my first job at eighteen was a two-year temporary contract in a government office.

The Chaconia - Trinidad's national flower - Image via Wikipedia

That first job put me on track to start saving to buy my own home with a government-backed mortgage plan.

I submitted my first application at eighteen and repeated it every year for four years. 

At the end of my two-year contract, I was offered a much better paying job in an Amoco Oil joint venture. Two years later, at twenty-one years of age, I moved into my very own home.

House allocation and payment 

By the time I received the approval letter allocating me a house in a prime neighbourhood, I had saved exactly the amount of money required for the downpayment - $10,566 - give or take a few dollars left over, and my new salary covered the monthly mortgage.

My belief in action

Our garage and veranda were packed with all the second hand furniture, new appliances, linens, dishes etc. that I had purchased in preparation for my new home. The only thing I needed to buy was curtains, weed killer and a lawn mower.

I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, come what may, I intended to have my my own home. And despite the constant criticism from my siblings about my "junk" taking up too much space and usual sabotage, nothing threw me off course. 

A trip back to the old home

Okay, back to 2010. I am currently residing in the family home in the most southerly Caribbean islands of Trinidad and Tobago. This was a very reluctant trip and I resisted like crazy being pushed in this direction.

Image via Wikipedia

But I also understood after touching base with one of my best friends that there must be a reason for it even though it was not in my plans at all. So I bit the bullet.

I am now as acclimatised as I am going to get after eight weeks here and St Martin (much less humid and my favourite island) is calling.


From my observation post, I still ask the question "why don't others see what I see" or maybe it should be why don't more people see what I see.

Motivations behind the actions

Here are some of my observations and by the way, my authenticity has always made my birth family uncomfortable, as well as my saying it as I see it, so this post is not going to make the slightest difference:

» People ingratiate themselves with my mother with glaringly obvious ulterior motives and she cannot see it. I tell her what they are but she does not accept it.

Manipulation and sabotage

» My sister deliberately monopolises her two-year old grandson's attention and sabotages his growing independence which forces him to cling to her. She uses him to avoid taking action on matters which require her attention.

When he is with her and his great-grand mother he only speaks "street", is screaming, tearful and wilful and she's in her best screaming mode. She sets him up you see and primes him every evening on his return from kindergarden. It is fascinating to watch. 

A beach in Tobago courtesy  Wikipedia

» She deliberately sabotages my efforts to discipline and teach manners to the wild child who returns home to Atlanta in April 2010.

He is her bulwark against the "storm" of responsibilities for which she signed up.

» Her grandchild is calm, chatty and courteous and speaks proper English when he is with me, and I usually put him to work playing football outside, drawing, counting cars, singing to music on my Ipod and so on.

I shared my observations with my sister (unasked) and she responded "I don't see that". Door shut; end of story.

Micro-management and consequence

» She micro-manages everything and everyone in her environment because she feels overwhelmed and cannot admit it, and feels unable to ask for help.

As a consequence, anger is usually just below the surface. And of course, she overeats as well.

» She worries needlessly about money and pinches pennies in the stupidest places, when the truth is she is financially very well-off by anyone's standard.

Facing the large instead of the shore

My sister's inability to communicate and express herself clearly without putting anyone down, her propensity for holding grudges and always wanting to be right, and her need for everything to be on her terms to make her feel justified in her actions, has her stalled in the water and facing the wide open sea instead of the shore.

Another "story" for the road

The boss' office

The Chaconia via Wikipedia

I applied for a national identification card and was called into the boss' office to respond to a query. The woman behind the desk started speaking in a very loud voice which I thought strange.

A bizarre reaction


Nevertheless, I immediately became attentive.  I "checked in" with myself to see if it was me projecting. I was my usual reserved self and observant self.

I realised she was reacting to my persona.  I listened to her attentively and answered questions with continuous eye contact.  

Do we know each other?

She subsequently lowered her voice yet continued to speak in a contentious manner and she asked me twice in succession "do we know each other". I had just returned to the country after almost thirty years abroad and I had never met the lady before. 

It was obvious that something about me was rubbing her the wrong way and it put her on the defensive.  And with her being the boss, that was a bad combination.

Consequence

She called to inform me ten days later that my request was blocked unless I supplied another document. And that is after her office gave me the run-around. 

I felt angry at the spurious reason she gave me. I therefore coldly informed her that she was free to trash my application because she was getting nothing more from me since the basis she used for the rejection was completely emotional and therefore had no merit.

Lessons learned so far

So what have I learned so far? I like being me and I am different every day. I can be myself and be loved. It is all about me. I have changed and grown immensely. I do not need others approval.

I can handle anything and anyone; I am on track when I thought I was off-track; and I am perfect as I am. Never doubt what I "know". And I had to return to my birthplace of Trinidad and Tobago to sum it all up.

And what do you think dear reader? Do you often ask "why don't others see what I see?" And what's your response? How do you deal with it? I would love to hear from you, as always.

All photos courtesy Wikipedia are in Trinidad and Tobago.