Poverty Consciousness: Are You Poverty-Conscious?

How do you know whether or not you're poverty-conscious? I have been assiduously working on my fear of failure and fear of success all year and have managed to root out the major blockages.

Fear of Success: A Limiting Belief

Everything is going great except for my finances which are steadily improving but not as fast as I would like. That made me realise that I'm still afraid of success, and that limiting belief is the reason why I have not yet attained my financial goal for December 2009. 

It's easy to hear my negative thoughts now about lack "yes, but...", "but I don't have..." etc. and I can directly link them to the way I feel, so I'm working on making a change.

My feelings made me think of all the nonsense we have been taught about money as children which we now believe as adults. This limited thinking is a dead-end street. It is time for a change and that's why I decided to write about it. I categorically refuse to stay in this negative state one day longer than necessary; how about you?

 

Poverty-Consciousness = Deprivation: Expect rainy days

Do you always expect the worst instead of the best? If your answer is yes, that covers most of the human race, unfortunately. Are you always thinking in terms of lack, about what you don't have?

Are you always trying to save every penny, always depriving yourself, and money still seems to flow through your fingers like water, no matter how you scrimp and save "for the rainy day" that's coming? Do you wonder why it's always so hard?

That is poverty-consciousness. Continue to think like that and you will get more of it!

What Do You Want?

What do you want out of life? Do you know? This is a question for women, in particular.  Some might reply glibly lots of money, a fine car, a big house with a dish washer, and all the luxurious material things that money can buy. There's nothing wrong with that or is there.

What I want is simple - to be me and happy, enjoying whatever I'm doing and living a life of splendid abundance and unlimited prosperity.

Poverty-Conscious Thinking

Some say, and most believe that having a lot of money - being wealthy - brings you heartbreak and ruin. It makes you a snob, you'll be out of your depth, out of your class and you won't know how to act with those people.

You won't know who your real friends are, and in any case, money doesn't last, and it doesn't make you happy. Rich people take drugs, they're degenerate; you don't want to be like them, do you.

Rich people are not like us. Or as I was told recently, and vehemently, by a forty-year old,  American born and bred doctor who was very proud of his middle-class status "people are supposed to be common not snobs like them". Don't you find that shocking? I do!

Here's a tip: you will never get very far in life or have a comfortable life free from want with that kind of thinking.

A Poverty-Conscious Winner's Story

You are unexpectedly gifted with a fortune; it seems like it because you've never had so much "spare cash" before. You spend, spend, spend and can't seem to stop. You have tons of new pals who, before your windfall, were just "Hey Fred, Hi Bob, Mornin' to ya".

The spending spree ends with a thud after a long while of highs and more highs, and you find yourself back where you started. You feel let down. You don't understand what happened. It felt great. The desire to spend on things you didn't even want or like was irresistible.

Now you need a job, you return hat in hand to the dead-end job which you hated.  You receive tons of commiserations, and "that's the way the world is" shrugs. Some expressions say "what can you do man, you gotta work hard for your bread; things like that don't last".

They're all glad to have you back; never mind the whispers behind your back when you left. You're back where you belong. Over a beer after work, they salute you "we always knew you were a good guy who wouldn't let us down". "Great to have you back hon, it's good to see you're no better than us".

If anything here resonates with you, decide to make a change how. Start today! What you think now it the basis for your future. Decide what you want.

Do you think you have a lack mentality? Do you know that the five people you're closest to tell others all they need to know about you? Are you comfortable with that? How do you intend to change your poverty-conscious thinking, to wealth thinking? What stories do you have to tell about your adventures? Let me know.

Check out An Instrument of Change: Wealth is neutral

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Giving Thanks is in the Air: 7 Thoughts to Ponder about Giving

I am not American, don't celebrate thanksgiving and when I lived in the US, never understood the reason for it.  Even non-Americans I knew celebrated it by eating that ghastly, dry bird.

Everything was so commercial and the excess routine - like Christmas and the fake valentine's day sales and celebrations - I never saw the sense in it.

But something is very different this year. It's palpable in the States from the way my friends and family speak and act. And it's a bit like that over here in Europe as well. I think giving thanks is in the air.

When you feel gratitude, often you are looking at a difficulty that you have overcome, but there is still some of that "struggle" vibration present.  The state of appreciation is seeing whatever you are looking at through the eyes of Source...  You could walk down a crowded street with all kinds of things that a lot of other people would find reason to criticize or worry about, and you would not have access to them because your vibration of appreciation is picking out for you things of a different vibrational nature.  Abraham/Hicks

Happiness depends on your awareness in the moment. People have the strange idea that when you're happy it means you "have no problems". That's nonsense of course. Life is made up of challenges. We need them to push us forward to want more and do more and be more.

Notice I didn't use the word "problems" which has a very negative connotation. We can all overcome challenges, problems are harder. It's all in how we look at, think and act on challenges that makes the difference in the outcome, and to our happiness level.

To be happy, enjoy what you do.  Live life every day because you are life! So says Eckhart Tolle.

Whenever I'm out and about, I sing out loud regardless of how I feel emotionally. Strange but true. I have to sing but that doesn't mean I'm not feeling crappy for whatever reason I concocted. Understand what I mean?

 

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.  Albert Schweitzer 

Saying "thank you" is small, finite really, considering the size of the average dictionary; yet it packs a wallop on an energetic level that it's hard to beat. It makes people feel good. They smile.

Look people in the eyes when you say it. Practise this not only during your interactions with others but with yourself as well. And put aside ten minutes every day to think, speak out loud, and write down, all that you're grateful for in your day. And smile wide...

I've come up with a list of 7 thoughts to ponder about giving since that's where my mind is at right now. Notwithstanding Thanksgiving celebrations. I find the posts quite striking on many levels and I hope at least one stirs you.

1 - Thanksgiving - Paying It Forward - James M Lynch of DoItYourselfLifeCoach talks about his new twist on paying it forward. He asks dinner guests to give thanks for the coming year.

I love this idea. I participated in a similar dinner a few christmases ago. We each wrote a letter to ourself one year ahead relating all the great things that had happened to us. We sealed and addressed the envelopes and returned them to our hostess, who kept and posted them to us on the same date one year later.

So go ahead, pay it forward to yourself, family and friends. Don't hold back. See what you can create.

2 - Are You Greedy or Just Grateful - Russell Bishop - exhorting us all to get off our "buts" and act. Things only happen when you act. Thought creates the right "environment" for things to happen. Wonderfully fiery!

3 -  10 Ways to Get More Energy by Being Thankful - Anne Naylor

4 -  How to Forgive and Be Happy Now - Anne Naylor - without forgiveness there is no gratitude.

5 - Papertrain your Relatives for Thanksgiving - Mark Goulston - an incredibly effective way of handling difficult relatives and friends you would rather not invite but have for get-togethers. It might help keep the dysfunctional, push-button, knee-jerk reactions to a minimum.

6 - Giving Thanks for The One - Judith Rich - this is my top post pick for 2009. It is a must read article! Bare-knuckled, no holds barred, in your face and get down to it now kind of talk. It's contagious too, so be careful.

7 - Grace and Gratitude at Thanksgiving - Ed Gurowitz - asks the question "am I truly giving?".

And now, here's Matt with his Gratitude Dance around the world.

Being grateful is a way to be expansive, especially when we are feeling lacking, negative, cast down. Great-fullness.  Anne Naylor

Gratitude, as I have said before is an integral part of everyday spirituality. Go practise!

So, tell me dear reader, how do you give thanks for YOU? Do you intend to start a new ritual by yourself, with family and friends on something that has meaning for you? What does giving mean to you, and how do you give? Because it not written in stone anywhere that giving has to be physical. YOU come first. It would be wonderful to hear from you!

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Breaking Through to Me: My Story, Part Two

This is the conclusion of my breakthrough story. If you happen to land on this story - part two - please read part one first. It has all the details which are not repeated here.

My emotional awareness

I don't usually feel lucid and in control when I'm angry. Happily, I don't often get angry anymore except when I'm disrespected. Then, I will stand my ground against all comers.

The "off" feel I had from the black man made me alert; which is why I was not surprised when he attacked. I had no intention of playing his game. His intimidation tactics to force a reaction didn't work either.

People get carried away by emotion when they're angry and lose sight of the real issue at hand. In this fellow's case, he was out of line, out of his depth and floundering. The childish reaction of taking away my coffee as if I was a recalcitrant child was a final act of desperation.

Present and dispassionate

I stood my ground. Attack me and I will return it in spades. And when he leaped forward to hit me, everything became crystal clear. I felt solid, present, focussed, dispassionate, calm and in control.

I even glanced down at a large piece of broken china on the floor but did not pick it up. I was not going that route. I watched him come forward and falter under my stare, before the woman server stopped him completely.

My analytical response

During the entire incident which lasted a lifetime of five to seven minutes, I felt as if there were two of me; the thinking me, and the observant, analytical me. We worked in tandem to plot the man's moves and reactions before he made them. Without a word being said. He's the one who was hot and bothered.

My deliberateness and control stunned me. I'm not normally that cool under "fire". My words tend to slice and dice; a very handy tool in Geneva. But words weren't appropriate either. Being present was! A fundamental shift had occurred but what it meant, I had no idea.

No going back

The man's incomprehension was absolute when he very politely opened the door for me to leave. It's at that moment I was tempted to spit in his face.

But I didn't because - and here again came the lightning clarity - (1) it's not what I'm about, (2) it's not who I am, (3) it was not aligned with my earlier actions, and (4) it would have lowered me to his level. 

I understood then that I had embarked on a new course and there was no going back now. 

Breaking through to me

As I settled down to write this story, I got the idea to check my e-mails which didn't make sense. There, I found Tony Robbins' latest newsletter on breakthroughs. If that wasn't a sign, I don't know what was. In part he wrote:

To get the change in perspective you need to see a relationship or challenge in a completely different light. You decide to tell yourself the truth about who you are and what you need.

It's the moment you recognize that you are more than the moment. You are bigger and stronger than any challenge that life could ever throw at you.

I went to his website for more and out of curiousity, clicked on his blog. I didn't know he had one, and his latest post was Breaking Through - talk about surprise! The particular line which hooked me was:

Transformation happens at a moment when we’re no longer willing to settle for what comes to us in the moment, to settle for what’s “good enough.”

It reminded me of my final thought before falling asleep the previous night. I had decided that I wanted "more" than what I was living; that it was time to move on.  

The lessons learned

Words are irrelevant in certain situations. I am a powerful creator. I can rise above and distance myself from people's emotions at will. 

For me, it has always been easy to know people's motivating factors and "hear" the emotional truth behind their words. 

That used to drive me crazy in my younger days! I was constantly reacting to the truth of what they felt instead of what they said. It made situations difficult and unpleasant at times.

And what unexpected situations have you encountered which you overcame with unexpected ease? What did you learn, and did you make any significant changes in your life because of your new "strength"? Drop me a line and let me know, on the blog or by email hidalgostar at gmail dot com.

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When You are Ready, Change and Breakthrough: My Story Part One

The Dream

I had an exquisite encounter today that told me something profound in me had changed. In my dream just before waking this morning, I replied "yes" to the question "are you ready for the change?". And right after, Whitney's new song Salute kept repeating in my head.

When I plugged myself into my iPod on the way to the supermarket, Salute was the second song and these words resonated:

I'm a soldier in my world / I walked a mile / I made it home / 

I made the fall / Now I stand tall / I made it through / 

And now all I gotta say to you / I salute you

I happily belted out that song to and from the supermarket. Hey, I'm not your regular gal, what can I say... Anyway, it's on my way back home that the incident occurred which showed me that when you are ready, you change and break through.

The setup

I wasn't hungry but wasn't ready to go home either. I went into a café which I normally avoid for a coffee, a raisin bun and an English newspaper. My regular café had just opened but smelled of cleaning liquids and onions - nasty combination.

I placed my order, sat down but then decided to change seats still singing softly, by the way. On my way to a new table, the male server met me halfway with my chit and coffee. I took it from him without comment. He was too close and his vibe was was rotten.

The incident

Before I could sit down, the fucker put his hand on my shoulder and pressed down a little. I went ballistic internally. I asked him in a clear, loud voice why he touched me. He said nothing but started making shushing noises with his hands for me to lower my voice. 

He did it again, trying to put me on the defensive. I spoke in my authentic voice and was in control. I demanded twice that he get his hands "out of my face". They were less than thirty centimetres (twelve inches) from my nose.

I was firm, grounded and cool which made him angry. So in retaliation, he picked up my coffee and pastry plate and told me to get out.

My physical reaction

I calmly stepped forward and flipped the coffee and pastry plate he was holding onto his chest. He leaped forward to hit me and I did not budge. I stared at him calmly, then glanced down at a large piece of broken china on the floor.  I had every intention of using it on him if he so much as breathed on me.

The female server stopped him. He then opened the door; I left and called him "a sack of shite" on the way out. I was hot, my heart was racing and I was striding along feeling solid and powerful as a god. I knew something major had occurred!

Part Two on change and breakthrough to you to follow.



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Burn Your Bridges to Success: It is the only way to succeed

Are you prepared to burn all your bridges behind you? If not, then you're not ready for change. You are not ready for success! Being in a position where no retreat is possible is the only way to succeed because you have no choice but to win.

Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to burn his ships and cut all sources of retreat... to be sure of maintaining that state of mind knows as a burning desire to win, essential to success. Napoleon Hill

I had an AHA! moment here when I realised that I have always done this. It just never occured to me to act any other way. Here is one such story:

I was in my late twenties or early thirties when I decided it was time to leave Trinidad and Tobago. By then I had bought my own house at twenty-one, travelled to China, Egypt, and India, worked for one of the largest oil companies in the world, and suddenly the island felt too small for me.

I resigned my job, sent out feeler letters all over the world. I received a tentative job offer from London which I ignored. After finalising my personal affairs, I informed my family three weeks before of my departure that I was leaving for good. I contacted cousins in New York for a place to stay, and left.

Upon arrival in New York, my sole focus was to find a job; a very good paying job with the United Nations in the city or out in one of the country offices. At no time did it ever occur to me that I might fail. Not for one millisecond. I just forged ahead. Within two months I received four job offers from my preferred list. I accepted the highest paid.

This had nothing to do with chance. I do not believe in luck; never have. I make good things happen when I decide what I want. And in the case of my first bridge-burning, success was my only option.

 Dreams are the seedlings of reality. Napoleon Hill

An interesting anecdote here is that the cousin with whom I was staying, had been looking for a better paying job for two years, without success. She was shocked and outraged at my success.

When you begin to think and grow rich, you will observe that riches begin with a state of mind, with definiteness of purpose, and with little or no hard work.  Napoleon Hill

Now, I will highlight my understanding of Napoleon Hill's chapters on Faith and Desire in Think and Grow Rich, from my personal experiences.

1 - You have to burn your bridges behind you. When you don't, at a certain point along the way, you will do it under duress. Although it will hurt like hell, you will recognise it's necessity.

No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality. Napoleon Hill

2 - You must clear out the physical and emotional garbage in your life; and that includes people. You will be walking your road alone.

3 - You must learn your own worth.

4 - It is imperative that you grow to love and accept yourself as you are. Safe in the knowledge that nothing anyone does can ever take that away from you. Everything flows from that.

Your vision is crystal clear; the reason for the pain, rejection, loneliness, loss and fear, and the deprivation that wasn't.

Painful experiences "...temper the spiritual metal of which you are made - they are assets of incomparable value."  Napoleon Hill

5 - Your affirmations start showing up in your dreams. That means your subconscious mind is now fully "on board" with your new focus. You feel connected.

6 - You gain increasing control over your thoughts because you are now aware of them when they "appear".

7 - Your major barriers, created by your limiting beliefs, have been toppled like a sick tree.  It does not mean that fear has disappeared. Not at all. Fear is the basis of all negative thought forms, and is an intrinsic part of the dysfunctional ego in the human psyche. It will never die.

8 - It is easier to overcome challenges. You have become fearless, even though you don't acknowledge it in those terms! You are creating what you want in life.

9 - You accept change more readily even though you instinctively try to resist. You know you're going anyway, so might as well make it easy.

10-You wake more and more often relating to Marianne Williamson's "You are powerful beyond measure".

EFT, TAT, The Core Technique, and meditation, are just some of the methods used to create emotional space within and distance yourself from the egoic mind.  Gentle and non-invasive techniques work best.

Alternative methods like non-choreographed dance, pole dancing, writing, painting are a small part of the panoply on offer to free up your spirit, and decongest your mind.

What I thought was a desert has turned into the most incredibly fertile garden I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Burning your bridges to success is really the only way to succeed.

Fertilize the garden of your mind with positive, prosperous thoughts. 
They are the seeds of your future!

What bridges did you have to burn to get to where you are right now? How did it manifest itself, and were you aware of what you had to do in order to move on? Drop me a line and let me know.
 

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Tapping out your Cortices to Relax and Heal: Body Talk Your Brain

BodyTalk your brain. These words got my attention right away. So what is BodyTalk? Here's what the website says:

BodyTalk is an astonishingly simple and effective holistic therapy that allows the body's energy systems to be re-synchronized so they can operate as nature intended. Each system, cell, and atom is in constant communication with each other at all times.

What does BodyTalk do?

Through exposure to the stresses of day-to-day life, lines of communication can become compromised or disconnected, which then leads to a decline in physical, emotional and/or mental well-being. BodyTalk reconnects these lines of communication, enabling the body's internal mechanisms to function at optimal levels, thus repairing and preventing disease while rapidly accelerating the healing process.

In this way, BodyTalk stimulates the body's innate ability to balance and heal itself on all levels.

What I want to highlight in this post is the BodyTalk core technique called tapping out the cortices. It is a non-invasive tapping technique which calms and relaxes you when you're stressed, and lifts you up when you're feeling "down". It works by normalising the electro-magnetic function of the right and left halves of the brain.

It takes approximately two minutes, you can do it as often as necessary, and it is simple and easy. Interestingly enough, it uses the head and heart meridians which are used to normalise brain function as in Chinese medicine.

The first time I practised this technique, I felt a wave of electricity-like tingles running through my body, right down to my toes. I use the word "wave" because it kept circulating and undulating through my body, from feet to head for a while. It was quite pleasant. Reactions are probably different for everyone.

Watch the video and follow instructions as demonstrated, please!  One woman tapped only on one side of her head, started feeling depressed and blamed the technique, of course. After watching the video, she understood how to do it correctly, and corrected the imbalance she created. 

This twelve-minute video with BodyTalk founder Dr Veitheim, explains the body-brain connection, BodyTalk and what it does. Click on the photo of the balding guy in the brown tweed jacket in the middle of the page.

BodyTalk Space in New York City and California. Their page includes fifteen videos on BodyTalk which is very informative.

Find a seminar near you. Here are some fascinating case histories and testimonials about BodyTalk, and what a bodytalk session entails?

I'm really excited about the "tapping out your cortices" technique to relax and heal, and bodytalking your brain. I intend to chart my progress, in order to identify tangible changes which may occur between now and Spring 2010.

Do write and let me know if you try BodyTalk, or just used the "tapping" core technique - which I highly recommend - and how it works for you.

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Become Stressless: 6 Creative and Alternative Ways to Destress

Look what I found - 6 creative and alternative ways to become stressless from Oprah's Spirit Newsletter. Take yourself out of the loop with one of these techniques and feel lighter and better than ever.

De-stressing is essential for good health. It is therefore my sincerest hope that one of these techniques could help you relax.

1 - Laughing yoga - started in India. Find out if there's a group in your city.  What is it? It's just a group of people who get together to... laugh and it could last from fifteen to thirty minutes.

Yes, it feels forced at first and you might feel self-conscious in the beginning... but be a good sport and try it anyway.  It turns into genuine laughter in less than one minute, then you can't stop laughing. It relaxes you and releases those feel-good endorphins. Ten minutes a day is all you need. Yummy stuff!  To prove my point:

Stressing less with something so simple cannot be beat. I practise sometimes in the bathroom when I need to force myself out of a bad mood.  It's just plain old joy in the world. For those who want and can't get into it, read Reggie's story on how he overcame his complaining streak through laughter.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.  Bill Cosby

2 - Mind-body therapies - All creative activities are relaxing. Try yoga, visualization/imagery, meditation, painting, dance therapy - with or without choreography. Simple and effective yoga positions exist which do not involve standing on your head or twisting yourself into knots.

Talking out your stressing issues is also good therapy - with, of course, the goal of finding a solution. Pity parties waste time and suck energy. Listen to Dr James Gordon of the Center for Mind-Body Medicine as he talks about using imagery and drawings to relieve stress.

Healthy minds live in healthy bodies.

3 - Reiki - now don't turn your nose up at this. Reiki is an energy form medicine, and it  originated in Japan. Practitioners have to be gifted in order to use it.

Because they capture universal energy which they channel through their hands, which they then place on the client's head. The chi or energy is guided through the blockages in the body to eliminate or reduce the discomfort. Acupuncture also works in this way.

From the first visit with a Reiki expert, you would be able to tell if it worked by how you feel. Always remember, if you do not feel right about a practitioner - in any area of service, doctor, dentist, etc. - leave immediately.

It makes no sense seeking healing from someone who makes you uncomfortable. Learn more about energy therapies with Dr Erin Olivo, Professor of Medical Psychology at Columbia. She explains them all very clearly.

4 - Playacting or Role playing - a lot of us are natural hams which makes acting out your drama a fantastic stress-buster. Why don't you find an amateur drama group, or role play with a group of friends of the same mind. Children do this all the time. Follow their lead. You are then able to pour out your frustrations on a regular basis. On "bad" days, you know that you have an outlet to vent. Psychodrama is another alternative. This one is new to me. It's role-playing in a group which is led by a therapist.

5 - Breathwork - Concentrating on your breathing for five to twenty minutes is an excellent way to become stressless, calm and relaxed. It's wonderful. It's an excellent idea is to take regular breather breaks  during your day instead of a coffee or cigarette. In my past office life, it literally saved my sanity on more than a few occasions. Here is one ayurvedic breathing technique. It's particularly useful for clearing your mind within five minutes.

6 - Hypnosis - is another great way of breaking through mental barriers and much more involved. Because here you have to trust a stranger to direct your thoughts. I personally would not allow a stranger to meddle in my head. However, that said, Shafin de Zane came highly recommended by someone I trust implicitly, so I'm putting his name forward as a go-to guy.

Take Dr Oz's stress management test and surf his options for some more tips to help you stress less.

Here are some more stress relieving for practising everyday spirituality

Deepak Chopra's heart meditation technique just might be the one you need. So go have a look-see.

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Being Authentic and Speaking Your Truth is a Seismic Shift: Start Your Truth Journey

Mike Robbins suggests three ways to speak your truth on Huff Post.  This is a favourite topic of mine, as I intend to live and be authentic in my thoughts, words and deeds.

Being authentic and speaking your truth is challenging but boy, is it worth it. It creates a seismic shift within you. You will feel the change when it occurs.

Sometimes, you might wish for the old you, especially when you think "okay, I'm doing good" then you find yourself in a sticky situation. That's because every situation is different, so don't get cocky like me. The nice thing about is that you will become comfortable in your skin; even when you ache for others because they refuse to accept the new you.

And what does Robbins have to say?

Truth is not about being right, it's about expressing what we think and feel in an authentic, vulnerable, and transparent way.

It really doesn't matter what others think, you know. What's important is having a harmonious living and working environment. It's the external extension of the inner you.

When you are acting out a role, you judge others mercilessly. That is being fake but it goes along with the territory. Keep in mind that opinions are judgements. Stop expecting others to agree with you because you are always right.

Opinions are not facts. You filter your feelings through the lens of your own experiences. Take responsibility for your feelings and work them out. Don't blame another for making you feel uncomfortable. That is why you are being judgemental.

When we let go of being "right" about our opinions and take responsibility for our experience, we can speak our truth from a much deeper and more authentic place. 

1 - Stop managing other people's feelings

It's "...arrogant, manipulative and somewhat ridiculous" says Robbins, to think that we can manage other people's feelings. When in truth, we can't manage our own and it's a cop-out on our part.

In order to be authentic and speak your truth, you have to abandon control of yourself and others; and allow your real selves to shine through. It feels uncomfortable and it doesn't mean deliberately hurting someone's feelings just because you can.

It's more a matter of assuming your individual rights to communicate painful truths as adults, in a safe way. You will both know it's coming from the heart.

2 - Be real, not right

Robbins has hit the nail on the head with this one! Don't we all just love to be right and righteous. But there is nothing just about it if you go to bed mad, wake up feeling lousy, and refuse to "give in". That is not what love is for your partner, yourself or anyone else.

Being vulnerable and transparent are key elements in speaking your truth. Hah, can I confirm that one! Truth comes from the heart and people know when we are being real; children are the first to wise up.

Another thing is to release control of a conversation, and your obsession with being right. It is also irrelevant what other people think about you. None of that is important.  Be real, not right.

3 - Practising creates a seismic shift

For Robbins practising means ...speaking up and stepping out into your life with your truth. Sink into you, deepen you; when you share yourself, you become so much more. You may feel naked and vulnerable at times when you speak your truth with those closest to you.

Your voice may quiver, knees knock and heart races but stay the course. You will come out shining on the other side. That's what happens when you are genuine. Tap into that well-spring of courage within you, and say your piece. 

It is particularly challenging when you have to say "no" in a pressure-cooker environment. That's how my truth journey started and man, it was scary as hell.

During the interaction, I heard my voice rising and quavering - it made me cringe inside - but I stood my ground, quivering. All the while leaning against my desk on shaking arms. 

I felt so angry at myself afterwards for not being cool and firm but it hadn't change my determination one iota. I know now that if I had become angry to "cover up", I would have ended up on the defensive, and would have lost the battle on all fronts.

That incident in 2007 created a profound change in me - I felt it physically. It was a seismic shift in my personality because I have not been the same since. I didn't know what it was at the time until I started writing this post. That incident marked the moment when I became determined to be me once and for all.

Robbins says you need to know that people will be upset with you on your truth journey. They will be offended or on the defensive as well when you express your truth. And you won't get it right all the time either. However, what you are practising is authenticity not perfection! Your lives and relationships will be transformed. It is a beautiful thing.

Speaking this deeper truth will not only liberate us, but it has the potential to make a difference for others and bring us closer together with them.

What steps have you taken to "be real"?  How has speaking your truth affected you and your relationships?  What hurdles do you have to overcome, and how do you intend to handle them?  And what newness has being authentic brought into your lives?  Drop me a comment and let me know.


Technorati Tags: being-authentic, speaking-your-truth, mike-robbins, truth-journey

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Being Authentic is Not Acceptable: Play the Mask Game or Else

Being real is tough

My intent when I drafted this post a while back was to write about Mike Robbins' three ways to speak your truth. He wrote Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken.

What came out instead was my latest experience where being authentic is not acceptable. The message was play the mask game, or else.

Being real is tough because most people refuse to accept it; they want and expect you to play the game like everyone else. As one of my few friends said to me after I came through the storm of my suicidal depression "you no longer have a mask". I am exactly what you see.

My "being authentic story"

I was verbally attacked two weeks ago in a book forum. It happened out of the blue when I gave a follow-up opinion on the particular book in question - disagreeing with the view of the day. The attack was shocking in its intensity.

Reading the woman's words put me in another space and perhaps because of that, I recognised that she had issues - she called me a miss-know-it-all.

I carefully reread my three-liner in the aftermath because I truly did not understand the abusive one-pager. My opinion was brief, succinct, impersonal and on-topic.

The pain-body

I recognised that she lashed out at me because my message triggered her pain body - a term coined by Eckhart Tolle in his latest book A New Earth. 

It is the mass of emotional garbage we develop from painful experiences in childhood, then gleefully drag around with us; adding to the stink over the years, just to make ourselves feel worse.

I say gleefully because if we really wanted to heal our trauma and live our lives fully and feel complete, we could. There are enough non-invasive techniques, coaches, therapists etc. out there to fulfill everyone's needs.

The power of the verb

Anyway, would you believe the twit demanded a "rematch" - those were her exact words - even before receiving my response. If I had been less aware in that particular moment, I could have torn her to shreds with few words.

And unlike the old me of a few years ago, I would have felt bad for her afterwards. I always see things as they are, not as I want them to be, and I understand people's motivations quite easily.

I know the power of the verb. Always have, even as a kid; whether they leave my lips or flow from my fingers. And it's bulls-eye every single time.

Because I am conscious of this gift - I thought it was a curse in my youth - I am very careful now when responding to anything that triggers strong, negative emotions in me.

I would let the issue sit for a while before responding and sometimes, I do not respond at all. That is such a relief.

I am still working on the "verbal" part. That will take more work because thoughts are things and woe betide me when they leave my lips.

The universe sends me the response within five to ten minutes of the words leaving my lips! Fascinating stuff...

End of the story

To end the story, I replied saying that I had nothing to prove, would not be engaging in any verbal fisticuffs about her opinion of me, and that she had the floor to rule as she wished.

You cannot fight with someone who doesn't resist you, or as it was so aptly said on Braveheart Women recently, Not one drop of my self-esteem depends on your opinion of me.

The woman sent me a half-arsed, nonsensical reply and subsequently changed her name in the Forum. It had finally dawned on her that I could have reported her - it did not occur to me - and she also wanted to distance "herself" from her stinker. And she apologised to all forum members which was nice.

The mask game

This incident was a reminder that:

1) as much as people act open, accepting and community-minded, they are really full of shit. What they want is for others to pretend as well, so that they feel comfortable behind their masks.

2) not everyone can deal with authenticity; for me there no choice. I played the mask game for more than forty years, and after I "broke" in 2004, it was over. There is no going back. 

3) as Mike Robbins says there is an important distinction... between our "opinions" and our "truth".  Many of us think our opinions are actually "facts"; they're not! I know the difference and that woman did not. She took my opinions as fact.

The blame game and consequences

We blame others for making us feel a certain way but that is pure crap. No one can make anyone feel a particular way. We must each take responsibility for our feelings and reactions and not blame it on others.

I sound very matter-of-fact about this incident, don't I. But it hurt, it really, really did. I even considered briefly leaving the forum, although I was having such fun, thoroughly enjoying being myself.

The virulent criticisms woke my own pain body of course - memories of abuse. I understood it and was able to let it go as the days passed.

That was my latest example of when being authentic is not acceptable, and what could happen sometimes. But is that going to stop me from being grateful to be me finally, to be my own divine self, hell no!


Tell me what incidents have triggered your reactions you wish you hadn't taken, how did you deal with it, and what did you learn from it. Drop me a comment to let me know.

Technorati Tags: Being-Authentic, Play-the-Mask-Game-or-Else

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Stupid Post One of November Week

I cracked up this morning when I happened to see this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Have a great week everyone!

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

Courtesy The Best Stupid Quotes

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Empower Yourself: Become Authentic and Celebrate Who You Are

Mike Robbins has written a great post in Oprah's Spirit Newsletter about the The Power of Authenticity in which he lists five principles on how to be authentic. I love stuff like kind of this. So here goes:

1 - Know yourself

Yes, a lot of folks shy away from this as much as they can. In exactly the same way that some are uncomfortable with silence and don't like being alone. Getting to know your authentic self takes a lifetime and we all must get there. So you have lots of time.

It is not a straight-forward affair. He thought for years like a lot of us that he was his "story", his drama, his issues, what made him tick and what didn't.

It's like when people ask you what you do and you reply I am a salesman, an internist, the best damn fullback of the season, and so on. None of that is who you are of course. The only way to know yourself is to go within, to the silence.

And that is a scary prospect. Getting to know yourself is uncomfortable because you have to face the parts you don't like. However, it is only when you embrace you completely and utterly that you can step into "your" shoes. We are better than we believe.

2 - Transform your fear - Own up to it

Fear is something we all experience in different ways and it will always be with us until we face it. Most of us think that we shouldn't be afraid, anxious, feel embarrassed, make mistakes and so on. But all of that is part of life to teach us, if we would only learn the lessons being taught.

When we own up to our fears, express them and face them the "monster" goes away. It doesn't happen before that. Fear is the enemy to be vanquished.

As we educate ourselves and others we will come to realise that fear faced is fear diminished. It fades away. Sure, you're trembling in your shoes but it gets easier every time.

That is the challenge of being authentic. Making sure that your fears don't stop you from being and expressing who you truly are, or going after what you really want.

3 - Express yourself - Despite your "story"

Most of us don't speak the truth or say what we truly want, think or feel. We are usually politically correct so that we don't offend or disappoint anyone and are not be offended in turn. It started in the cradle and then we took over our own training.

We all wear these masks and they make us comfortable being uncomfortable. We humans love that. Everything we say and do has to be in line with our "story". We set ourselves up and are obliged to fulfill others expectations based on what we project. Tough ain't it!

However, when we decide - to use Mike's own words - to be "passionate, vulnerable and bold" and move past the fear, we are then able to remain our own little authentic selves.

4 - Be bold - Live speak and act in ways that are courageous and reflect who you are

Most of us and the people around us are not bold, don't act bold and are terrified of "showing ourselves up" by being bold. But what if that's part of being authentic? Not bold like bungie-jumping bold - more like going past the self-imposed limits.

Living on the "edge" of our life as Mike Robbins calls it. Going past the limits to live, speak and act in ways which are courageous and true, without being defensive.  I have been there. You feel naked and vulnerable and as time goes along, guess what - you start to feel good "naked". "I am what I am" sort of thing.

It makes some people uncomfortable and it attracts others but none of that matters because you are in a good space because you are.

Being bold "...is getting in touch with our deepest truths, passions and desires, and then having the courage to live and act 'out loud' in a way that is congruent with this."

5 - Celebrate who you are - Be authentic

This is the ultimate goal. Loving and appreciating who you are, right here and right now. When you do, the fear - which is what stress is - behind your dreams, goals, motivations and desires disappears.

You fill up with an uncontaminated desire and are fully open to life's possibilities. Because the fear behind the worries, anxieties and so on are gone.

When you don't love yourself, it doesn't matter what you strive for and achieve. You will be perpetually unsatisfied. Be brave and go within.

We are all looking for love, unfortunately, in the wrong place. Turn to that beautiful person in the mirror instead. It is where love starts♥  When you love yourself that is when you start becoming; you know have arrived

Be authentic. It is not for the faint of heart but man, it is such a glorious, fulfilling feeling that I would recommend it, hands down, to everyone.  

And I'll tell you this too, getting to know her or him is better than sex. And that is saying a lot. If you want to feel fulfilled in life, love, career, relationships and the like, go find your true self; start now. The road is rocky but who cares. It's wonderful and smooth when you exit the tunnel♥

Share your thoughts on this with me, and what your journey has been like so far, in your quest to find your authentic self.

Technorati Tags: become-authentic, celebrate-who-you-are, empower-yourself

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