Forgiveness Is Essential To Your Well-Being

You need it yet you resist it. You think about it but take no action. You say you want to then those memories come tumbling out liked stacked dice at a high-stakes table, and you retreat.

You have to do it in order to break those chains of bondage and find true freedom and happiness within.

I am talking about forgiveness – food for thought today – it is one of my favourite subjects since it took me a long, long time to get here because I did not know how important it was in my bid for freedom.

So I want to tell you again people: forgiveness is essential to your well-being.

Forgiveness Is...

Forgiveness is the offering of compassion, to yourself first and foremost, and by extension, to others. When you accept and internalise this, you release your unnecessary and unwanted burdens effortlessly, and that is a feeling to be relished.

You are then able to allow others to be, do, or have whatever they want. You do not have to like it or agree with it. Take a stand, take the corresponding action as necessary, let it go and move on!

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. —Gandhi

While the idea of forgiving your abusers might bring up an immediate, and heartfelt "never!", think about it anyway. Turn it over in your mind for a bit, "testing" it every day to get the "flavour" of what it could mean for you.

That Stinking Pile

You can ruminate ad inifinitum on painful events with the usual "I will never forgive what he/she/they did to me..." as you dig through that stinking pile of garbage. But how do you feel afterward?

You do realise I hope, that it is a dead and rotting, fly-bloated and worm-infested corpse that you have been picking over all these years! I know because I have been there, had the same feelings and smelt and lived with the same stench of putrefaction.

You do not have to take anything from anyone's experience that you do not like. —Abraham-Hicks

Greco-Buddhist Statue

Happily, that is in the past now. I went through that dark, grimy, fiery and hellish tunnel and exited into a new, unknown landscape; so no griping please that this is easy for me to say. 

Feel free to read what am I about if you feel so inclined.

I did not know what to do with myself after I left the cemetery of memories past and let go of the poisonous baggage and all the other "stuff" and this is my point, neither do you right now.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. —Lewis B. Smedes

Take that step now. Find someone to hold you hand if necessary.

Believe me when I say that not only are you a different and strong, resilient person now; and the evil perpetrated on you developed unknown capabilities within you which are waiting to break free.

So I repeat what I stated earlier – forgiveness is essential for your well-being!

No Joy, No laughter, No Beauty, No Life

When you do not feel a sense of rightness within even during those times when you think "life sucks", then you are not living. You are closed off from everything, your heart beats and responds only to negativity, and you are dying a slow death.

You become a walking, talking zombie with a murderous tongue. You create mayhem wherever you go. You are not kind or liked so you fake wholesomeness to be liked but still, you can only frequent people who vibrate on the same low-level scale of negativity as you do.

That is because everything about you is fake; a fingernail scrape will expose the veneer.

No joy, no laughter, no beauty, no life – that is where you are headed when you hold onto rage, hate, anger, despair, guilt, resentment and fear. I hope you realise that spells death.

Through forgiveness, which essentially means recognizing the insubstantiality of the past and allowing the present moment to be as it is, the miracle of transformation happens not only within but also without. —Eckhart Tolle

Weeding is Necessary

A forgiveness journey takes some time and the journey to the other side, to life, is well worth it. I discuss Ed and Deb Shapiro's Weeding Meditation in Plant happy seeds and weed everything else out.

I use this visualisation tool almost every day in my mental garden. It is extremely effective method for rooting out the "weeds" (limiting thoughts) from your psyche. Yes, they do appear as weeds, dead bushes, and such... fascinating.

Shiva-Bangalore temple, India

As your imagination takes hold and you start the weeding process your subconscious comes on board and it is crazy fantastic what happens then.

He who has not looked on sorrow will never see joy. —Khalil Gibran

Hope I got you hooked on weeding out those unwanted thoughts and memories because it is necessary and a great first step on the path to forgiveness.

Now let's dive into Ed and Deb Shapiro's Forgiveness Meditation: another step in the right direction. Pay particular attention to their introductory words.

It really is time to forgive and forget and move on!

Forgiveness Meditation

If you don't forgive, it's like carrying heavy baggage that weighs you down so you can't go forward, but you can't go without it, because it contains your history, your identity.

Or it is like holding onto hot coals, but you're the one getting burned. Letting go of the past—of the story and the details—enables you to open to the present, to who you are now.

You can develop forgiveness for yourself or another. You may want to meditate on just one of these areas when you do this practice. Find a comfortable place to sit and settle your attention on your breathing.

––>Focus on memories, feelings or issues you have not forgiven yourself for. Simply observe—without attachment. Hold yourself with care and tenderness, inviting forgiveness.

Silently repeat: "I forgive myself, for my words and actions, intentional or unintentional, I forgive myself. May I be peaceful and filled with loving kindness."  Keep breathing, letting the breath open and soften your heart.

––>Now focus on one person you wish to forgive. Breathe out any resistance or anger, and breathe in forgiveness and gentleness. Silently keep repeating: "I forgive you, for your words and actions, intentional or unintentional, I forgive you. May you be peaceful and filled with loving kindness."  Be gentle with yourself. Do not get sidetracked by the details of what happened. Let go of the story and breathe in forgiveness.

Feel the joy of forgiveness throughout your whole being. When you are ready, take a deep breath and slowly let it go.

My favourite quote from Kafka beautifully encapsulates what happens when you connect with the infinite YOU which is the objective of meditation:

You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait – be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

Other views:

• Forgiveness (betthechange.blogspot.com)
• The Key to Freedom is Forgiveness (brighthub.com)
• If you want forgiveness, you must forgive (seattletimes.nwsource.com)