Life Is For Living: Adopt An Attitude of Tolerance

31 May 2011

Adopt An Attitude of Tolerance

This relationship business is a touchy-feely business and most of us would prefer to have a hands-off affair with it. Isn't that so?

Whether it's between lovers, business partners, friends, and the (dreaded) family where so much of the button-pushing takes place, communication though essential oft goes awry.

We tend to go the easy route of "I talk and you listen" not that it doesn't have its place but communicating is so much more and it requires an attitude of tolerance and allowing.

Communicating is about sharing what you feel from a non-judgemental point of view and bringing the other person along with you.

It's a win-win situation all round. It might not start off exactly the way you might wish but it's your call. That communication ball is always in your court.

There is nothing wrong in compromising either because it is not always about being right and wrong. Basically, it boils down to "does it matter that much to me?; what am I losing" and ask yourself as well "what is best for the other person"?

Because we are all such rich and varied individuals with such different values, getting together is easy but staying together is tough exacerbated when we do not accept the other person as they are and try to change them to the way we want them to be.

I was a judgemental, intolerant person throughout my teens and into my early thirties. I discovered years later that my black and white attitude was a defensive mechanism due to my dysfunctional upbringing.

What I am discovering is that when we let go of the belief of how we think life should be and allow others to express their uniqueness, you develop tolerance. A lot of lip-biting, teeth-clenching, hand-clenching, forcibly restraining your tongue and cutting off the recriminatory thoughts before they overwhelm you will be necessary.

As you get into the practice of allowing others to be, do or have whatever they want — I am not advocating allowing someone to self-harm and do nothing! — you begin to feel calmer, and gradually become more open to what is. Best of all, you eventually will be able to squelch your negative thoughts as they arise whenever you see them do crap.

Because your emotional negative reaction is decreasing, you are no longer sending off those waves of unspoken energy – pretending not to be angry – the person on the receiving end will be affected by your change in a positive way. And all because you decided to let them be!

It is important to accept people for who they are. You may not like or respect them for what they say and how they act but I have come to realise that everyone has a place and purpose and that is why they are here. Stay authentic to who you are and be nice to yourself when you lose it.

Compromising when faced with the prospect of disagreements with the people we care about allows us to ensure that differences of opinion become another piece of the rich tapestry of our relationships.

While we need not adopt the values and beliefs of our loved ones, we can respect that their life paths will often take them in directions that are in opposition to our own.

In fact, our differences can bring us closer together when we use them as stepping-off points for deep discussions in which we share the depths of our souls with one another.

When we open up in this way, any stubbornness we might have felt melts away in the warmth and admiration we feel for our conversational partner. Adopting an attitude of tolerance will allow you to get along with loved ones even when you do not see eye-to-eye. ~DailyOM