Satisfying My Real Hunger for Solace - Silence, Music, Breathwork and Nature

Image by simsbury119

I had another epiphany this morning then ended up listening to a channelled meditation and interestingly enough, it was about abundance.

My emotional disarray

When I feel I am in an emotional disarray as I call it, I eat more than I normally do then beat myself up saying shite like I should stop spending money on food I do not need and cannot afford to waste cash like that.

Now, I normally eat once or twice a day (and don't get any ideas that I'm slim and trim - I'm not - my body is just not as fat as it used to be) so when I find myself eating three meals a day it is too much for me and it makes me feel heavier than my extra nine kilos (20 pounds) - that bugs the hell out of me.

Of course, the emotional eating is always linked to my unfulfilled desires, frustration and low funds. It all spells lack of abundance thinking and results in a low cash flow. That is a significant aha! moment right there people!

Excess eating cannot fill the void

Another aha! moment occurred when I realised that I believed that it was because of my lack of cash that I should not be spending i.e. wasting money on food I do not need being fully aware that the excess eating could not fill the void (hunger) that I felt.

I never saw until that moment that my emotional eating and low cash flow always occurred together. Better said would be my fuckuptedness makes me look at the money I have and think it is not enough and as you know, when a thought like that takes hold it results in exactly what you believe to be true!

Only silence, sometimes music and breathing in and out while surrounded by nature stills the noise and satisfies my hunger for solace. That is when I understand the damage I am doing to myself and it stop. Nice eh.

Poverty consciousness

Like most adults, I inherited my poverty consciousness and fear of not having enough money to take care of myself from my mother and those around her because of course, she attracted people with the same vibrational energy as her own.

Image by billydl via Flickr

I have been battling this disturbing feeling for years because I knew it was not normal for me until I understood one day that I needed to grasp the "why" of it in order to untangle myself from its coils because any thing you fight usually wins. Please remember this.

I began the process - can't say when exactly - and it is a work in progress. This is the latest piece of the puzzle.

It is not about the money!

Anyway, this piece slotted itself into place when I realised with great shock that the money I was spending on  meals - always healthy which is a huge change for me - was never the issue. How the hell could I have missed that... but I did.

I know this may seem obvious to some but when you are living it you do not see the trees anymore because you are in the forest and thus the self-flagellation continues.

Anyway, my favourite 'Professor' Bob Proctor said in one of his books, it is not about the money and he was right; it has never been about the money.

Money is only incidental to what I am living now. The issue is lack of abundance thinking which results in no money.

The sticky maze

I have been suffering the fires of the damned because I hate feeling that my life is out of control, that what I want is unattainable and I cannot seem to find my way out of this sticky maze.

Either I decide to allow my vibrational escrow to manifest itself or I live paycheck to paycheck continually underpaid due to the economic climate. In other words, I need the job but I got to be me, real as real can be an most people do not like or appreciate that but what the hell.

Since this is so glaring, how come I did not see it till this morning. I guess I was ready...

Enough with the sturm und drang

After living through two nights of stinging wasp attacks (in dreams) and a mosquito invasion under the covers (not a bite next morning) and sweating bullets like a horse on wonderfully cool nights, it was time to stop the crap. I let go.

You have to take a step back, be honest with yourself and observe instead of participating in the constant sturm und drang (storm and stress) that we inflict upon ourselves.

And that is how I ended up taking some quiet time out with some trees at my back and listening to some wonderful channelled music.

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Empower Yourself - Make Changes in Your Life That You Desire

         Soul flower by AlicePopkorn My thought for the day for a fabulous start to the week is about your soul's desires - stop ignoring the urge to change! Yes, it is scary, terrifying even but it is more powerful than you or I.

I think this new decade is all about following that urge that we have been stifling for decade and let it take charge. You already know what you want and thought it may seem easier said than done, that is just our left brain, logical self talking with the ego hard-wired in to keep us safe and thus make no changes.

Ignore it - empower youself and take charge of your life today!

We can feel purposeful and empowered when we become clear about our life's direction. Any dissatisfaction we feel about our lives can express itself as irritability or restlessness. If we can take time to explore these feelings and identify their underlying case, we can begin making different choices to improve our circumstances.

We begin to feel empowered because we have a purpose and our restlessness disappears. Explore any uncomfortable feelings you have today, and you can empower yourself to make the changes in your life that you desire. DailyOM

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Let Your Desire for Feeling Good Be Your Guiding Light

I woke feeling disturbed this morning. My new neighbour is a creep. But after my meditation and a fab Tibetan yoga session - it was hard because I haven't done it in months - I felt great because I am alive. I AM and that cancels the negativity and reinforces my positive energy. So this day I want to share my thought for today from Abraham-Hicks today...

Be easy about it. Don't rush into things. Savor them more. Make more plans and be more deliberate and specific about the plans that you are making; and in all that you do, let your dominant intent be to find that which pleasures you as you imagine it.

Let your desire for pleasure — your desire for feeling good — be your only guiding light. As you seek those thoughts that feel good, you will always be in vibrational harmony with the Energy that is your Source. And, under those conditions, only good can come to you; and only good can come from you.

--- Abraham

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Tune Into Your Intuitive Wisdom and Release Irrational Fears

By tuning into our intuitive wisdom, we can release irrational fears and take greater control over our lives. The source of our feelings can often be vague, which can leave us feeling uncertain about our choices.

If we simply take the time to get connected with our intuition, we gain a better understanding of ourselves and our emotions. If we discover that our fears are justified, we can use that knowledge to make wiser choices for ourselves, and if we discover that our feelings are caused by irrational fears, we can work through them and release them.

The end result is that we feel much more in control of our emotions and our lives. By seeking a greater understanding of your emotions today, you will gain the freedom of confidence in every interaction. DailyOm

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Baby Steps on the Road to a New Life

Living on the streets is definitely not living and that is where I ended up after being kicked out of the so-called family house with all my worldly belongings which fit into 2 travel bags.

I would not with this on my worst enemy if I have one.

When there is no on to call and you have exhausted all avenues from imposing on first time acquaintances, contacted all the shelters in towns and elsewhere, there is nowwhere left to go but the streets.

Sitting up sleeping in the city's bus terminal and leaving just before they kick you out is pitiful. Then trudging off and about with your designer bag and Macbook which got heavier by the hour makes you question the need for such an instrument and Internet and all the other stuff.

The moment came when abandoning it, my only contact with the outside world was mandatory; I could not eat it anyway.

Drifting about town with a bag of clothing, putting on an act in a city hotel just to be able to use the washroom to freshen up and feel human felt demeaning. I was fooling no one.

Those first little sojourns made me wonder how women dealt the feminine hygiene issues and the lack of water.

Heart palpitations every night from anxiety attacks were extremely painful. That pounding in your chest custs your breath and when you try to breathe your back and left side hurt so bad you wonder if breathing is mandatory.

At first, I used to wonder what woke me from my dozing because you do not really sleep - to sleep you have to be relaxed.

The worst of my time living on the streets which excludes being protected from gang rape by a security agent in my little calm corner behind a five-star hotel, was the superhuman effort to not allow the feeling of loss and devastation and resulting tears to fall.

Because I knew that once that dam was breached, I was finished.

Using a drain as your toilet at night only, the effort to keep clean and change my underwear even without a shower, constantly roaming the environs and starting to evaluate likely spots for a rest or sleep, eyeing every stranger that passed with suspicion as darkness fell, and eye-balling the blackened and dirty vagrants and wondering when I would become like them was all part of the street life.

I had already abandoned any pretence that someone would help me. That was no one.

Hunger does not set in until days later. I discovered like to bored youngsters we often observe that you can nurse a sugary drink all day especially when it is your only meal. The absence of resources and a solid meal does not occupy your mind right away.

You are initially consumed, as I was, by the emotional fallout like a nuclear blast that destroys all that is familiar and its attendant consequences.

It is a whole new world out there where we street people do not exist and those that prey upon us have all the power.

How did I end up using a terminal in a library? My very powerful smartphone's battery was on its last leg and I guess I had a kernel of faith left because I was planning to turn it off that particular day. I had no one to call and it seemed of no use to me and then it rang.

It was my brother calling to ask after my welfare. I told him about my new home and used my last few dollars to meet him in his old jalopy that could not travel far in the next town.

He fed me my first solid meal in a long time - I did not tell him that - and for the next 2.5 months that followed until I found a poorly paid but welcome job that put food on my table and he took me to Social Services who cover my room rental.

The kindness of strangers that came to my assistance since that fateful day mean more to me that my birth family ever could. They have taught me about the kindness of strangers.

Thank you Papy James for the lounge chair and the incredible succour and support from your family.

Thank you Kenneth and his family for feeding and sheltering me during those months and the restful green of the countryside which was a balm to my heart and soul.

And finally, thanks to Amber and her brother Johnny for the on again, off again job and the room, providing me with the space to find my feet as I take the baby steps on the road to a new life.

It's all good!

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Listen To Your Body - Let It Go and Be Well Right Away

           Image by CW Ye 

Think about that little smear that starts out as the human body, and then there's a nose and a liver and a gizzard, oh, not a gizzard... All that stuff that is present and knows how to become this. There's so much knowledge within the human body. You're wanting to free the human body's knowledge to be well from the resistance that has been picked up along this physical trail.

The very best approach to medicine is,"Well, I see your physical body is sick, what's been bothering you? What are you worried about? What are you angry about? What are you frustrated about?"

Because that is what is at the root of all of this. And then say, "Let it go, let it go, let it go." That's the message, and if they could hear you and do that, then they would all be well right away. ~Abraham/Hicks

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TODAY's MESSAGE - Look For Positive Aspects in Others

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As you deliberately look for positive aspects in others who surround you, you will train your Vibrational propensity into increasing improved Vibrations. So it does not matter how many negative thoughts you have thought before, or how long you have been negatively focused.

You can deliberately focus—right now—on an improved thought. ~Abraham-Hicks

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Affirmation For Being Your Authentic Self

                         Image by p_a_h 

Theo Affirmation for being your authentic self: 
I am whole, healthy, functioning perfectly in alignment to my soul and open and receptive to that alignment now. From AskTheo Live Radio Show

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That Space Between Thoughts – It Brings Enlightenment When We Need It

Blooming Filoli by Glenn Franco SimmonsToday is the day to talk about the space between thoughts — that incredible spaciousness just there between one thought and the next waiting for us to notice and stop by.

I did not set out to discover this. It came about because of my feelings of alienation and incredible frustration about my current living conditions and the fact that I have not yet found another job after 8 months at fifty three years of age!

And please, no commiserations or palliatives about other people in worse circumstances –  my welfare is all that interests me right now.

At my age the best is yet to come – fifty is the new thirty after all and I have so much to offer – but instead I feel like a loser. It is precisely because of this angst that I became aware of this waiting silence inviting me - us - to explore it.

You are not your thoughts. You only lose what you cling to. ~Buddha

THAT SPACE BETWEEN THOUGHTS

The first time it happened was just after treading the well-worn path of my circular thoughts about my unsatisfactory life and I felt worn down. Something made me look up and I found myself staring at an opening as if a door had been left ajar into a pitch black, depthless space inside.

Then it disappeared just as fast as it appeared but it left an indelible impression.  I had a flash of insight just then before it winked out of existence but I did not write it down so it disappeared.

I did not pay that incident any mind at first as I am accustomed to seeing strange things but my angst was such I kept trying to connect with something larger than myself for help.

That space between thoughts reappeared and hung around. I could actually see it in my mind's eye so I decided to check it out. A few minutes pause in that space feels like a very long time indeed. It is only my first conscious sojourn that I understood it was a "door" in my mind. 

To be more precise, it is the pause between one thought and the next allowing me to touch that in-between space.

That understanding was so awesome – I love love love these kind of mind-benders! Over the following days that space expanded.

Do not ask me "how" it happened because I do not know; maybe it was time for me to stop "doing" and start "being". I was asking the Universe for help after all.

And if the next question is how do I enter that space, I cannot explain except to say I just decide to. It feels like a meditation break for want of a better description. I just... pause and I'm there wherever "there" is.

The heart of the universe does not have a particular location; it's not somewhere out there. It is concealed in every being. ~Eckhart Tolle

I still do not know anything special by the way but I have noticed that I sometimes experience more waking dreams, very clear responses to whatever is on my mind, and insight into certain situations come really fast.


THE SILENT BACKDROP

Another "happening" soon followed. I now "see" what I call the blank canvas or silent backdrop behind our daily activities. I realise now that it has also been there for a while so here goes my attempts to describe this one.

You know when you're out walking on the beach, among trees, walking, running, listening to whatever music moves your soul and so on and you begin to feel uplifted and peaceful at the same time?

Well, it is that vast quietness behind everything that I call the silent backdrop.

Blooming lillies by Thomas Tolkien We humans, our activities,  and all other life forms and inanimate objects are the painting on this living canvas.

Think of a power blackout.  It is only then we understand how much noise our electrical and electronic equipment and appliances make; masking the silence.

The quiet is palpable and a dog's barking resounds.


All noises made by daily activities are magnified down to the cutlery's movement on the plate. It is that silent backdrop  I am talking about.

Those are my best explanations.

This silence is constantly masked by our mental, physical and mechanical noises. Now, I commune with this silence any time – it is there for you and I to tap into by any means, be it walking, sitting quietly, doing breathwork, meditation etc.

Another question that came to my mind was is this blank canvas, this silent backdrop and the space between thoughts one and the same? My answer is I have no idea and I don't really care but if I ever get the answer, I will either update this post or write a new one.

All I can suggest is that you tune out the noise, internal and external, and focus on what brings you peace.

Shamanic drumming was the only constant linking these two events. I have been listening to it every day and night day for the past few months from a Dutch Shaman Stefan Shuem. He said it would remove deep-seated negativity developed in childhood which is still ruling our adult lives. So I thought why not give it a try.

I want to believe it had an influence on my subconscious which is where all change takes place but again, that is not important to me. I am just putting it out there for your information.
So tell me, have you ever experienced anything like this or similar to my experiences? I would love you to comment about it.

More for your reading leisure:

• William Horden: The Tao of Enlightenment (huffingtonpost.com)
• Lisa Arie: Can Admitting Vulnerability Make Us Stronger? (huffingtonpost.com)
• Exploring Spaciousness: Experiencing Peace (thistimethisspace.com)
• William Horden: The Short Path of Sudden Enlightenment 
• Natasha Dern: Why Do We Fear An Empty Mind?
• Douglas Labier: How To Evolve In Your Life time
  

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My 7 Most Profound Posts on Being Authentic

Hibiscus flower by Adarsh_BlueSpace The basis for my picks for the 7 most profound posts of the week stem from the messages of being one with ourselves, with being authentic. Everyday spirituality is the key here.

It is impossible to run away from who we are so we had better take charge, drop the charades, the masks, the games, accept what is, learn to have fun and live and enjoy now.

Even when we believe life sucks and it sure as hell does at times, take a good look around and see what is good in your life! Look at what is working for you and take the next step to change what you do not like.

A positive vibe is always beneficial. And  enjoy the
bliss of silence, it deepens your spirituality.


1- Composing Bliss — a typically blissful ride on DailyOM. Sup on this one.

2- Meditation: Not What You Think — meditation has nothing to do with technique as there is no right or wrong way. It is about being in the now and letting go. Ed and Deb Shapiro are two of the realest teachers out there. if I believed in gurus they would get the title.

3- 5 Tips To Help You Find Serenity — superb advice, different from what we typically hear. Simple and practical and I believe the results from practising will be profound.

4- The short path of sudden enlightenment — William Horden is a man who is definitely tuned in and this post itself is enlightening. It is poetry and beauty and seeking enlightenment in life's typical difficulties. Sublime!

5- What Oprah's Farewell Tells Us About Ourselves — Cara Barker's exhorting us to take charge of our dreams now and live life!

6- 7 Shortcuts to Daily Bliss  — simply excellent tips and beautifully practical — fantasize, sit on your rump for 5 to 10 minutes, kiss your partner and lots more profundity. You do not have to go anywhere to connect or take some time out. Really great!

7- Wherever You Go There You Are — The title is self-explanatory - there is no escape for you or I. Face that mirror, accept what is and allow the dissatisfaction to fade – really profound.

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