Schlepping to The Well of Stillness and Hoping It's Not Dry



Be still and bloom

I recently experienced this running away from myself that Martha Beck talks about in Becoming Still. 

I thought I didn't know how to handle a situation that unreasonably terrorized me. So I found myself schlepping to my stillness well, as I call it, to get some help because no one and nothing outside of me was able to.
 

My Mother's Habits


The worst part is that this fear has always been with me; and it was shocking to realise how much I had patterned my reactions on my mother's habits observed as a child.


We were very poor for a few years after the father of her four children walked out. She had no money, a huge house and 4 small children and one adolescent to care for. I have never been in her situation yet I react as she did then, whenever money is an issue. Is that scary or what!



Whining
 

Of course, logic dictates that there is always a solution to a problem. I knew that if I spent some quiet time and reconnected with Source I would be able tap into my well of stillness. But I kept avoiding that. Like a lot of people, it's hard getting off the rocky path once you set foot upon it.

 

But I could not continue like that indefinitely. It is impossible to maintain such a high level of fear which makes you desperate. It was do or die. So I decided to do something, anything. 
I was fed up with whining; I hate whining - even my own!  




I accepted Canfield's premise that if I changed my reaction (R) to the event (E) I would get a different outcome (O) - (E + R = O).    




Be Still and Bloom



Silva Method 

I had finally accepted full responsibility for my actions regardless of how it came about. 

So what was the problem again?

Fear of not being enough, lack of self worth... never tackled until now. All coming from lessons learnt observing my mother more than forty years ago! That was my running away story folks.