Thought for Today: How Do You Develop Empathy, Compassion, Loving Kindness? And Why Would You Want To?

This is not the post I intended to write - I focussed on empathy but it all changed right before my eyes as I was typing. So there must be a message here that needs sharing.


Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.  Scott Adams


However, this is not an exposé on the subject because an expert, I certainly am not. I do not know anything so I am in the same boat with you - just sharing my view for what it's worth on empathy, compassion and loving kindness.

So how do we develop these qualities which are naturally part of who we are as human beings? Do you normally express them and why would you want to?

Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion. The Dalai Lama

Compassion and loving kindness

About Dharma says Compassion is a mind that is motivated by cherishing other living beings and wishes to release them from their suffering.

I don't know about you but this statement alone tells me that I have a long way to go.

About Dharma also states "Although we already have some degree of compassion, at present it is very biased and limited. When our family and friends are suffering we easily develop compassion for them, but we find it far more difficult to feel sympathy for people we find unpleasant or for strangers."

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.  The Dalai Lama

It is precisely because of this separation - the us and them - that I am practising the value of compassion throughout 2010. It is quite challenging because I automatically switch off when I "read" certain people but I intend to persist.

Staying the compassionate course

Developing compassion takes work. We have to override our instincts, habits, cultural upbringing and social mores and kick them out the door when we realise they do more harm than good. Lotsa work right there!

My trick to stay on my compassionate course is to recognise that people's suffering (mostly self-inflicted) put them in a bad mood and I work diligently on "seeing" the being of light they truly are on the inside.

It does not mean accepting their crap but I can ignore it sometimes, walk away at other times or put up a shield to protect myself or just plain get pissed off.

Nevertheless, it is all about becoming aware of our connectedness with every living thing around us. Compassion is universal love.

Empathy

According to the UK Online encyclopaedia, empathy is the ability to understand the experience or emotional state of another person or animal.

It was an incestuous, feel-good time in the eighties and nineties - that blatant, overwhelming need to swim in each others emotions used to make me shudder in horror. Touchy-feely gives me the scratch!

This is where a lot of us encounter problems. People mistakenly believe or have been led to believe that they do not have it or are accused of being "cold" when they don't wear their hearts on the sleeves.

Why would you want to do that for every Tom, Dick, Jane, Harry and Nancy?

Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.  Peter Marshall

Developing empathy

I found this article which states that empathy is a learned skill. That is such rubbish. Human beings are naturally empathetic. 

It is a tiny percentage of the human race which has become warped through childhood circumstance and experiences and as a consequence, are emotionally crippled.

Remembering that we all share the same planet is one way to develop a greater sense of empathy.

When you can look at others and see fellow humans, their individual quirks, actions, and feelings become more accessible and understandable to you.

You become able to see the necessity for cooperative understanding as it relates to peacefully sharing and coexisting in a single living space. When you see people as a part of the planet’s community, sharing their concerns and recognizing their needs will begin to come naturally.

You may also be more driven to understand your peers as a matter of course. Keeping in mind the vast number of individuals who are your planetary neighbors today can help you relate to others more effectively. DailyOM

It is counter-productive to swim in another's negative emotions just to connect with them. That is extremely unhealthy, limiting, debilitating, very disempowering and self-defeating.

What you do want and what is natural, is to connect on an intuitive level with someone by putting yourself in their shoes, in order to understand their point of view and experience.

At the same time, you want to stay clear-eyed and focussed in order to hear what they are saying.

Develop intuition and active listening

Active listening

This is where active listening comes in.  Active listening means being present particularly when listening to another's pain. The noise inside you dies down and the person in front of you becomes your only focus.

It enables you to hear everything that is being said without judgement - that is real empathy. When you are an active listener, you are 100 percent present!

When you become an active listener, you can help in meaningful ways that go to the heart of the problems being encountered.

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.  Bonnie Jean Wasmund

Develop your intuition

Develop your intuition and learn to express compassion for all beings great and small on a daily basis.

Men are more intuitive than they realise but they call it gut instinct. Women are instinctively intuitive but some of them tend to allow themselves to be derailed by their emotions instead of managing them.

That takes practice and is worth the effort as it makes no sense falling into men's (societies) stereotyping of the "emotional" female when we are quite capable of using our intuition and our emotions (which are our strengths) to our considerable advantage instead. After all, women are much smarter than men.

Find out Why be intuitive? from Jim Self. Here are two of his examples:

• You will begin to walk through life with Presence and Certainty. This doesn’t mean in arrogance. This is a gentle, pervasive knowing that you are in management of your life.
• You will find doubt and fear begin to disappear and your ability to take charge of your business life and personal life increases very quickly

Bottom Line

And here ends the opus my friends, completely unintended.

Practise compassion - be kind to those around you; it is as simple as a pleasant greeting or a smile to a stranger. You won't know the effect until you try and most times, you will be pleasantly surprised.

It's not about doing; it's all about being.

It costs nothing and will always comes back to you. Use empathy judiciously, I tend to keep it for children and animals - they are the helpless ones. It's really all about living love and tough love is part of that. What do you think about it?