My Journey of Enlightenment

My journey of enlightenment is inspired by James M Lynch's masterful "Think Exercise" in the chapter There Is Nothing Good or Bad But Thinking Makes It So, from his The Hamlet Secret: A Self-Directed (Shakespearean) Workbook for Living a Passionate, Joy-Filled Life

He suggests working through our shit, my word not his, by listing the bad things that happened to us (left a mark) and alongside each event, identify the good that came from it. 

This does not in any way negate the memory of pain and suffering; it is cathartic though and shines light in those dark places. An eighty-six year old said to me recently "there's no better antiseptic than sunshine". Make writing your "sunshine".

I was really excited to do this exercise because I have moved but wanted to explore events from autumn 2009 to see whether I sold myself a crock or not.  Here goes:

Physical and psychological abuse

The Bad Thing That Happened: Anally raped at three while my mother and so-called family were laughing and having fun just outside the open door, yet miles away in reality.

 

The Good That Came From It:  Learned to shield my Self from damage and became aware of my guardian angel.

The Bad Thing That Happened: Battering and psychological abuse.

The Good That Came From It:  I grew up. Forged a strong-willed and determined character; I became self-reliant and learned to live in my head.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Burning of my precious books.

The Good That Came From It:  Encouraged me to develop and use my imagination, and I learned to set clear goals and achieve them (like saving my daily school money to cater to my own needs).

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Giving away all of my "bits and bobs" to my younger siblings whenever they asked.  

The Good That Came From It:  Learned how to let go and not hold onto anything.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Rarely received Christmas or birthday (January) gifts.

The Good That Came From It:  I learned not to complain - Ha! Forgot that as an adult - and it encouraged me to depend on my own resources.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Molested at ten by my stepfather.

 

The Good That Came From It:  Learned to judge people by their deeds not their words, and I became a powerful and relentless person who is afraid of no one. 

I learned to develop my inner resources.

Death does not exist

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Death of my "fairy" grandmother. 

 

The Good That Came From It:  Her "departure" taught me that I will never die because death does not exist; only the body dies but the soul is eternal. 


I understood this instinctively when I saw her lying in her coffin when I was nine years old; I knew that it wasn't her and said so. She was long gone.

Don't have the right to succeed

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Denied going to college.

 

The Good That Came From It:  It fired me up with the desire to get my own house and be my own boss. Achieved at twenty-one.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Discovered that my sister had emptied my current account - one year's worth of mortgage payments - to pay her debts.

 

The Good That Came From It:  I was twenty-seven and living and working in New York City by then.  I learned to say "no" and "no more" to my family. It was also the beginning of my search for self-worth.

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Mugged and had flashbacks for months.

 

The Good That Came From It:  From my family's demonstrable lack of reaction and concern, I finally understood that there was no going back for me.

Depression

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Suicidal depression.

 

The Good That Came From It:  Released the festering decades of rage; understood the childhood trauma and its resulting dysfunction which I had been reproducing as an adult. 

I dropped the masks, role-playing and stories; learned to honestly express my feelings and be authentic in my interaction with others; discovered I was a person of worth, and I had the right to dreams, love, happiness and prosperity. I also discovered my gift for writing.

Rehabilitation 

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Growth of a non-malignant mass the size of a Pomelo (Thai grapefruit) next to my left ovary which filled my womb.

 

The Good That Came From It:  It was the "delivery" after twelve months of gestation (psychotherapy). It revealed a secret wish I had in my twenties - the desire for a baby to love and nurture as I never was.

I reconnected on an emotional level with the little abused me who needed to be accepted, loved and absorbed; and understood how thoughts and emotions culminate in physical manifestations and illness.

My search for healing introduced me to the marvelous and previously unknown world of energy healing. After six months of thought, reflection, denial, understanding and acceptance, the growth shrunk out of existence.

The worth of material things

The Bad Thing That Happened:  Bankruptcy and threat of eviction.

 

The Good That Came From It:  It exposed the false belief that I did not have the right to succeed; that difficulties must be a constant companion because life is like that. What crap! 

It also reinforced a lesson learned long ago - after much resistance this time round - to let go of material things. I will always be me no matter what.

And I discovered affirmations, numerous meditation techniques of which Kevin Schoeninger's Core Technique is one of my absolute favourites, many effective and non-invasive healing techniques as described in Create emotional space within and reconnect with your Inner Being, and tons of teachers, far too numerous to list here.

End of this journey

Here ends my journey of enlightenment exercise folks – this crap is over and done with – and I am dancing out loud.

Now, I am actively working on expecting only the best and whatever else happens will be another adventure; not that I or you have any choice:)

James my man, I cannot thank you enough for "There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so".

Much love to ya! Give it up for the man folks and his The Hamlet Secret: (Shakespearean) Workbook. And really people, buy this amazing book!