Completely Accepting Yourself Is The Only Choice — Try The EFT Way

Image by Tom T

 I subscribe to the Attracting Abundance newsletter from Master EFT practitioner Carol Look's and she has a superb article on Complete Acceptance in no. 170.

From the opening lines in her article I was hooked because it was exactly what I was working on now – completely accepting myself and my situation as is.

Although I waver and hover according to my mood, I know that completely accepting yourself is the only choice there is. 

What I love about Carol is that she always includes an EFT script so that we can work on the particular issue she discusses in her newsletter.

Obviously, you can also read Complete Acceptance on Carol's blog but I just have to share it here as well. I think all of us need this reinforcement most of the time...

For those new to the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), go ahead, try the EFT way. It is powerful, effective and non-invasive. I advise you however to follow the links in Carol's article to her site, and you have to take responsibility for your own well-being because EFT works by uncovering hidden emotional trauma.

If you are therefore not prepared to deal with whatever arises on your own, do not start. You can of course, contact an EFT practioner in your area. Also, learn EFT and how it could benefit you.

COMPLETE ACCEPTANCE


What if we could "deeply and completely accept" ourselves as we are without pushing, trying, changing or striving...

I wonder how much abundance would flow in?
Image by Unitopia via Flickr
No doubt many of you recognize this phrase from basic EFT - "Even though I have this problem, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."  There are 2 critical questions regarding acceptance:

(1) Why is it so hard to do?  And

(2) What's the point of doing it?

Complete acceptance of ourselves is not only difficult, it is actually quite rare.  We can try to accept and talk as if we accept ourselves, but truly accepting where we are emotionally is challenging.

And there is definitely a paradox about self acceptance - we often fear accepting ourselves because we think it will make us stuck, keep us where we are - but completely accepting ourselves does just the opposite - it allows room for us to change!


What if you could completely accept yourself where you are, what would that be like for you?

What would that feel like to you? What would happen to you?  There are evidently some very challenging responses to these questions - surprising emotions surface around the idea of deeply and completely accepting ourselves.
 
I have found in myself and others that it is hard to accept ourselves because we have been taught not to... and there is a common fear that if we accept ourselves, we will lose the desire to do better in the future.  As I said earlier, we're afraid that complete acceptance will cause us to be static, or too comfortable with the place we're in rather than striving for more.

The point of deeply and completely accepting ourselves is that this process is peace-giving, joyful, and makes us more "attractive" to the universe when we are asking for what we want.  Many of us have been taught the opposite - try harder, push harder, don't accept anything you don't want and you will progress forward.  Oddly, the opposite is true.

Image by Thai Jasmine (Take good care :-))So try it - say "I deeply and completely accept myself as I am right now..." - how does it feel to you? What emotional blocks surface for you? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

CLEARING CONFLICTS

This newsletter is yet another opportunity to clear any of your conflicts about being outrageously abundant in every part of your life.  Are you ready to do some clearing?  Answer the following questions about deeply and completely accepting yourself  where you are...
   
(1) What's the "downside" to completely accepting yourself right where you are?

 I'll have to stop fighting then what would i do to get what I want

(2) What's the "upside" to remaining in a state of not accepting yourself or your feelings?

I feel as if i'm doing something constructive to acheive more.

(3) How does it serve you to not accept yourself?  What are the benefits?
 more difficulty, more uncomfortable striving and fighting ang angst - IS THAT WHAT I REALLY WANT???!!!!! - that is my programming and it is time to overwrite it!

These are all powerful questions that I recommend you answer as honestly as possible.  Once you know the upside of not accepting yourself or the downside of accepting yourself completely, you can tap on the blocks and change your energy to enjoy congruence with a successful life.


It's your choice... Choose to embrace and accept yourself exactly where you are, deeply and completely, without trying to change or be different and enjoy your new vibration!

The reason this process is so important is because it's a key ingredient to changing - but, the process of accepting ourselves seems to make us feel that we will not change, that we will become stuck instead.  The opposite is true, that's the paradox - when we accept ourselves as we are, the resistance falls away and we move towards changing for the better!
 

I invite you to review two of my favorite recent newsletters: Energetic Invitations and Complete Congruence. 


Combine these messages with this week's topic, Complete Acceptance and make a profound shift in your daily attraction process.


Release your blocks to allowing yourself to accept yourself completely and enjoy your improved energy now!
 

Every possible reason you might have to not being comfortable with deeply and completely accepting yourself is a "tappable issue" with EFT.

So what may be your blocks to being entirely comfortable with accepting yourself before you change? Or accepting yourself right now, no matter what you're struggling with in your life?


Here's what I know... People who are able to "deeply and completely accept" themselves as they are right now, are able to attract more success and abundance!



YES...BUT

So it's time for the yes, but section of my newsletter to help identify what we need to clear out of our energy systems with EFT. Here are some typical yes, buts that surface when I ask people to consider what it would be like to deeply and completely accept themselves as they are and actually be with themselves:

Image by Thai Jasmine (Take good care :-)) (1) Yes, but... I don't accept who I am right now, I  want to change, so why should I accept the parts of me I don't want anymore?  Because accepting all of you releases emotional and energetic resistance in your body and mind... that's what we need to do to move forward.

(2) Yes, but... I don't want to be complacent or lazy by just accepting myself - isn't it important to continue to strive to be better?  It's important to want to do better, but striving and trying are "pushing against" vibrations... acceptance doesn't cause laziness or complacency... it causes relaxation and allows creativity to blossom.

(3) Yes, but... I don't feel safe when I think of deeply and completely accepting myself, it feels somehow indulgent to me. Why don't you feel safe when you think of self-acceptance? Who taught you that accepting yourself was bad or dangerous in some way?  These are all "tappable" issues.

(4) Yes, but... I think it's a waste of time to accept myself, and time's short right now, I have to hurry and change!  Whenever we are in an allowing emotional state such as deep acceptance, it is not a waste of time.  In fact, it can speed up the manifestation process and save you time!

The good news is that you can treat whichever yes, buts you have with basic EFT tapping!


FAVORITE BENEFITS

Image by Thai Jasmine (Take good care :-)) via FlickrIn my newsletters, I like to include the benefits I have found to what I am proposing to my readers.  Below are my favorite benefits of being able to deeply and completely accept yourself and enjoy all your abundance and success.

(1) Being able to completely accept yourself...  will get you in congruence with what you want, which means the Universe can "hear" your vibration more completely.
 
(2) Being able to deeply and completely accept yourself will allow the Law of Attraction to deliver to you more of what you want - you are releasing resistance, which is the only thing between you and what you want. (Remember, the Law of Attraction "hears" your vibration, not your words, so imagine what it will "hear" when you are already releasing resistance by accepting who you are and how you feel.)

(3) Being able to deeply and completely accept yourself now will bring you peace and quiet from that mind chatter that disturbs your serenity... imagine the power...

(4) Being able to deeply and completely accept yourself  will immediately release a great deal of  "resistance" in your body and mind.  When you are no longer resistant, surprise channels of abundance open up for you.

As Law of Attraction teachers say -- it's all energy.  So change your energy by being inspired to accept yourself, deeply and completely - even though there are parts you want to change! This  will automatically invite the Universe to help you create more abundance right now.

Raise your vibration by choosing to completely accept yourself, and enjoy the abundance you want in your life right now!

Remember, the Law of Attraction sends you situations that have the same energy of the vibration you are putting out... so when you are already feeling joyful by accepting yourself deeply and completely, the Universe will bring you more opportunities for abundance.

Below you will find EFT/ Meridian Tapping setup phrases to help you be inspired to release your blocks to being able to accept yourself completely in your current life right now.

When you change your vibration,

you will change your life.

Go ahead, raise your vibration by

deeply and completely accepting yourself

right now!

1. EFT SETUP PHRASES:

The EFT SETUP Phrases for this topic are as follows:

While tapping the karate chop spot on either hand, repeat these phrases out loud, (or change the words to fit your exact situation).

"Even though I don't accept all of me — feeling accepting seems impossible — I accept who I am and how I feel."

"Even though it feels like a waste of time to accept the parts of me I don't like, I accept all of me anyway."

"Even though I'm afraid to accept myself deeply, won't that make me stuck? I accept who I am anyway."

I have indicated where to tap while saying each of the phrases below. You may repeat the positive round more than once if you wish. (Those of you who are new to EFT may view a chart of the spots on my web site under the EFT pages.)


***Now for the phrases that focus on the problem***

Eyebrow: "I'm afraid to accept all of me."
Side of Eye: "There's so much of me I don't like and want to change."
Under Eye: "Why should I accept the parts I'm trying to get rid of?"
Nose: "I don't feel safe trying to accept all of me, it doesn't feel right."
Chin: "Part of me is afraid to accept all of me, what if I get stuck?"
Collarbone: "I'm afraid this is the wrong direction for me to go."
Under Arm: "What if this slows down my attraction process?"
Head: "Acceptance is so different from what I was taught."


***Now for the positive focus on the solution***

Eyebrow: "What if deep acceptance has been the missing piece for me?"
Side of Eye: "I wonder if deep acceptance is good for my body and mind."
Under Eye: "I'm willing to try to accept all of me right now."
Nose: "I intend to accept all of me right now."
Chin: "I choose to feel accepting of all of me, even the parts I don't like."
Collarbone: "I'm ready to completely accept myself now."
Under Arm: "I appreciate all of me, even the parts I want to change."
Head: "I love feeling happy in my self acceptance, knowing I am releasing resistance."

Access more positive vibrations with the Law of Attraction by repeating the following phrases (while tapping or not):

Thank You, Universe for showing me how to deeply and completely love and accept myself!

Thank You, Universe for allowing me to feel safe when I accept every part of me, even the parts I want to change.

Thank You, Universe for inspiring me to create such a clear vision of what I want to attract now that I am releasing resistance through total self-acceptance.

Keep tapping, and enjoy using the Law of Attraction to bring more of what you want into your life!

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Attract Only The Best Into Your Life

Embraced by words Robbert van der Steeg Being true to your feelings allows you to be sincere in your communication with others, which reaches them on a deeper level. People are drawn to sincerity and truth and will have more respect for you than for those who merely portray what they think people want from them. 

Even though an attractive appearance may draw their attention at first, upon closer inspection they will find it hollow or slightly askew without sincerity behind it. Being honest about your feelings will draw honest people to you, allowing you to have real communication and build real and lasting relationships. 

Embrace your feelings of shyness and understatement with quiet confidence and allow it to attract only the best into your life. —DailyOM

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Don't Worry About Others: Focus on Your Own Experience

Image by sergis blogDon't worry about this world; it is not broken. And don't worry about others. You worry more about them than they do. There are people waging war; there are people on the battlefield who are more alive than they've ever been before. Don't try to protect people from life; just let them have their experience while you focus upon your own experience.

— Abraham-Hicks

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY: The Eternal Laws of The Universe

Image via Wikipedia We come forth not to alter your beliefs, but to reacquaint you with the Eternal Laws of the Universe so that you may intentionally be the creator that you have come forth to be, for there is not another who attracts into your experience that which you are getting—you are doing it all.

We come forth not to get you to believe anything, for there is not that which you believe that we do not want you to believe. And as we are viewing this wondrous physical Earth plane, we see great diversity in that which you believe—and in all of that diversity, there is perfect balance.

—Abraham

Excerpted from "The Law of Attraction, The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham" #642

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Release Resistance and Let Others Experience The Real You

Image by Lollie-Pop          

Food for thought today peeps is  about releasing resistance — we have so many masks – too many –  and that is tough to maintain particularly under stressful situations.

So the message today is about ending the charade and dropping the masks: let others experience the real you.

Allowing our best qualities to shine forth in our interactions is what will attract people to us. The harder we strive for recognition, the more elusive that attention seems to become. 

If we can instead turn our focus inward, embrace our best qualities, and share them with others, we automatically attract the attention we are seeking.  This puts us in a greater position of empowerment and confidence, because we don't feel the need to keep up a charade. We can simply relax, be ourselves, and enjoy the process. 

Let others experience the real you today, and you will attract lots of positive attention. —DailyOM

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When You Can See No Further Than 200 Feet At A Time: Inner Modelling With Kim Luret

Another teaching moment from Bob Proctor's Insight of the Day — a story about inner modelling with Kim Luret when you can see no further than 200 feet at a time.

Parents, if you have teenage children or know of any who need inspiration and a boost of self-confidence — no matter their goal in life —  share this story, the video and Kim's blog with them!  

The message: You have to become what you want on the inside before it can show on the outside. Never give up your dreams.

Bob Proctor talks about Kim Luret and her inner modelling project in the video further down the page.

200 Feet At A Time

I have the great pleasure of working with young people. They are so full of promise and potential as they stand at the threshold of their adult lives.

Sometimes, though, I'll see a young person struggle with the belief that before they set out for their dream they must first know the precise plan to follow and its exact outcome.

Part of the work I do is to help such a person understand that not knowing is OK; it's not even necessary. And I help them realize that their unique gift is always right there with them; though they might have a little trouble recognizing it. Because sometimes it looks very different than what they were expecting.

That was certainly the case for me...

"You! A model??... You're kidding, right?"

As if it was yesterday, I can still remember the stunned look on her face as I gathered up my courage and admitted my dream to a close high school friend.

But I wasn't kidding. Not only would I become a model, but I had every intention of becoming the world's next supermodel (though I decided that moment probably wasn't the best time to share this particular detail with my friend).

In fairness to her, I should say that most people would have been hard pressed to share my vision. I was by anyone's account less than, shall we say, "glamorous".

Actually I was about as far away from glamorous as one could get. Yes, I was taller than everyone I knew, including the boys in my school. But I was also rail thin, freckle-faced, with frizzy hair and braces. Oh, and did I mention awkward and painfully shy?

No matter. I knew I was going to 'make it'; it was only a question of time. How I would make it was something else entirely. The truth was, I had no idea how I would get from my small town school to the covers of the world's top fashion magazines.

Bob Proctor on Kim Luret and Inner Modelling

But therein lies the true power of pursuing your dream. It begins with seeing your destination clearly and starting to move towards it, even if you can't say for sure how you will reach it.

Bob Proctor has compared this to driving in a car on a dark night and I agree. All you can ever see is 200 feet at a time by the glow of the headlights, but that's enough to advance you the next 200 feet, and so on all the way to your destination.

Sometimes you may take a fork in the road and discover that your destination changes as a result, and that's OK too. In fact if my name is not a household word today, that's because my own destination changed along the way.

Don't misunderstand – I fully expected to be the world's next supermodel and I did all I knew how towards that end. But early on I realized one crucial fact – I'm not particularly photogenic. And when it comes to supermodels, being very photogenic is pretty much 'Square One'.

The 'light of my headlights' had brought me to the awareness that I would not be an international cover girl. This was a blow to both my ego and my plans. But because I had begun the 'drive', I was about to discover something about myself I hadn't realized beforehand.

My 'fork in the road' presented itself to me a while later in San Francisco, where I was attempting to get a modeling job, or 'booking'-any booking-in print work. I would have been happy to appear in a flyer for the local car wash, but no client seemed to want me.

Then one day Calvin Klein himself came to town to put on a gala fashion show at the San Francisco Opera House. He brought with him several models from New York, but he was holding a casting to select a few local models as well.

Any girl in San Francisco who called herself a model was there, including the most successful and in demand print models I was trying so hard to emulate.

I remember my interview with Calvin Klein. He was smiling and gracious. He asked me to try something on and walk for him, and I did. Then, I watched as his smile grew wider and he booked me on the spot!

And then came the evening of the show. Everything changed for me on that runway. I felt totally natural, at ease and inspired there. I could sense that I had found my 'true place'.

Afterwards people came backstage and asked me where I'd learned to walk like that. I answered, "I don't know!" and it was true. I didn't know because I'd never done it before!

All this time I'd been trying with all my might to be a cover girl when it was now clear to me that runway was my gift. But I never would have known that had I not believed in my original dream and started moving towards it as best I could, '200 feet at a time'.

Soon afterwards I moved to Europe where, unlike San Francisco, 'high fashion' was the look and the runway market was very strong. I went first to Milan and then to Paris, where I still live today.

Ultimately I became an international high fashion runway model, working with top designers such as Armani, Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, Versace, and many others. I enjoyed a fantastic career spanning more than a decade.

I traveled to over 50 countries and have done shows before royalty and heads of state. I met some of the world's most interesting and fascinating people; some of them rich and famous, some completely unknown but rich in other ways.

And I got the education of a lifetime.

None of this would have happened if I had been 'stuck' on just one possible outcome and continued to try and become a top international cover girl at all costs. As Ken Keesey Jr. says "To be upset about what we don't have is to waste what we do have."

Each of us has what I call a 'Unique Package'; that singular combination of our unique inner and outer selves. And through that package comes our gifts.

Discovering what our gifts are and then expressing and sharing them is what we're all here for. There are no 'better' sets of gifts and talents. They are all needed. We are all needed.

Or as the French say, "Il faut de tout pour faire un monde," which translated means, "It takes everyone to make a world."

The dream you have inside is not there by accident. There's a reason it's calling to you.

I firmly believe that if you'll step onto the path of your dream, always giving your best, the Universe will step up and meet you more than half way.

And even if your destination changes, as did mine, I can promise you this: You will definitely have more, do more and above all be more, for having made the journey.

Kim Luret

Do you think your child or grandchild would make a great model? Former international high fashion model Kim Luret has put together a special video that explains what YOU and that special teenager or young adult in your life REALLY need to know about making it as a model, go here now: http://www.kimluretcoaching.com/ But be sure to watch it now, as it will only be available for a short while.

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Renew Your Connection To Self and The Universe

Image via WikipediaYou can create a new atmosphere in familiar places by lighting candles, burning incense, or playing soothing music. By making a slight shift in your outer world, you indicate to your body and mind to also shift within. 

Following your senses inward, you can then focus on your breathing and let your thoughts drift by, listening for the silence. From this place of stillness you will find your connection to the universe's energy. You may be nourished just by being in its presence, or perhaps you will want to release an intention into the stillness, creating a ripple of energy that will lead to the creation of your desire. Inspiration may come to you, giving you something to take with you into the world. 

By following your desire to go inward today, you renew your connection to self and the universe. DailyOM

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Closing The Final Chapter of My 9-Year Odyssey: My 2010 Story of Acceptance, Compassion, Joy and Liberation!

There are two mistakes 
one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting. ~Buddha

The purpose of this post is to lay the last of my family-inspired demons to rest once and for all in this final chapter of my 2010 story of acceptance, compassion, joy and liberation. 

This closing chapter of my 9-year odyssey actually began in Spring 2007. My suicidal depression in 2004 preceded it; What I Am About gives a synopsis of those events.  


RESIGNATION

I resigned my job in 2007 after sixteen years with the World Health Organization. The first two months were strange — I did not know what to do with myself — no longer waking at six to get ready for work; no pug dog Elton to walk (he died in 2006 at the grand age of thirteen); and no more draining business trips.

It gradually dawned on me that I could do anything I pleased; there was no one to whom I needed to report. So I decided to travel and buy all the beautiful things that I used to refused to offer myself during my working years. 

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become. ~Anonymous

SQUANDERMANIA

I lived eighteen months of squandermania – thoroughly enjoying my freedom from ties and responsibilities but then boredom set in and I found myself spending for spending sake. 

Because I had no plans at all and could not produce one for the life of me, I just continued using my gold mastercard and debit card for all they were worth!

There was a part of me – I recognise now – which said that I did not deserve such wealth and ease so I had better get rid of it fast. That was literally beaten into me by my mother in my tender years.

 Crisis is opportunity riding a dangerous wind.  ~Chinese proverb

I spent more money during that period than I had in the previous fifteen years literally emptying my six-figure cash account, and the now infamous Bernie Madoff took the rest. 


That in turn resulted in my having to sell all of my "portable" items (designer bags, etc.) for a fraction of the cost in order to eat and pay rent.


THE CLOSING DOOR

Then the door started closing on my 18-year European adventure in 2009. I really, really love European culture: my best friends live there, fashion is tops — which is why they are always a hit in New York — and the quality of life is excellent; the mindset of the average Western European is another story. 

I recognised that it had nothing more to offer me. After failing to kickstart a new life with a half-baked plan and failing miserably, I had no choice but to return to my Caribbean birthplace in January 2010.

I left everything behind (furniture, valuable rugs, china, crystal, etc.). And you know what – it was easy.

A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life.  ~James Allen

UNIVERSAL LAWS

I had a few electronic books with me and David Cameron Gikandi's A Happy Pocket Full of Money was one of them. He was the Creative Consultant on the film version of The Secret.

I opened his book mid-November 2010 and the first few pages lit me up inside. 

I finally understood for the very first time how to create wealth, abundance, and joy that I yearn for in my life, and also why I failed so spectacularly to keep what I had.

Most of you have heard about two universal laws, The Law of Attraction and Law of Vibration as taught by Abraham-Hicks — Home of the Law of Attraction — through their seminars, books, and cruises; they are the ones who started it all years ago. 

Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.  
~Einstein

The Law of Attraction became almost a household term in the USA after Rhonda Byrnes author of the book and producer of the movie, appeared on Oprah.

These two Laws basically say that you get what you attract (like attracts like) and you get what you vibrate (strongly feel). 

That understanding was enough to get a lot of people started at consciously creating new lives for themselves and in Spring 2009, I got into it as well via Abraham–Hicks because what they wrote made sense. 


A HAPPY POCKET FULL OF MONEY

I realise now, in November 2010, that I never truly understood these universal Laws at all which is why I messed up, and this is where David's book comes in. 

His book is also the reason for beginning my story at the end (I hate movies like that) because it is what spurred me on to write it in the first place!

A Happy Pocket Full of Money was the key that opened the door to my liberation. David's superbly clear explanation about quantum physics and the role subatomic particles play in our everyday lives did it for me — I kid you not!

Money is a shadow of an internal value.  

~David Cameron Gikandi

If you are curious about the ideas exposed in the book or movie The Secret but grasping the principles behind the Law of Attraction still escapes you, get A Happy Pocket Full of Money — no woo woo stuff there.

Not taking anything away from the other great teachers I admire, some of whom I list below, but David approaches the Law of Attraction from a scientific angle, speaking in plain English, with clear explanations and simple, effective examples.

A FOUNDATION OF GRREAT BOOKS

The great books I read formed a perfect foundation which enabled my discovery of subatomic particles:– 

• Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth (my aha! moment came in chapter 4 – read it for two weeks); 
• Bob Proctor's You Were Born Rich (favourite chapter, Let Go and Let God); 
• Half of Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich (it is very rich and dense and must be sipped); 
• A lot of Deepak Chopra's works which got me started nine years ago; 
• James M. Lynch's The Hamlet Secret: A Self-Directed Shakespearean Workbook; 
• And the James Allen's sublime As A Man Thinketh (words to live by); to name just a few. 

Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting. ~Aldous Huxley 

EVERYTHING IS ENERGY

Briefly, subatomic particles are the base matter in quantum physics, and they occur in all shapes and sizes like a car, a house and a human being; they form the substance of the universe.  

We are all created from subatomic particles. They are intelligent because they are linked to Source, God — they are energy — and we are nothing but energy — and they are ours to manipulate as we choose!

And they are ours to command (through our thoughts and feelings), WOW!!!

That is how the universal Laws work and why what we vibrate, we get slung back at us in spades (negativity). However, we can use the very same (subatomic) energy to create what we truly want (wealth consciousness). 


HEART FULL OF THANKS

Next on my thank you list is the love of my life, heart of my heart, my soul mate, K. Christopher; my sister Grace, her husband Peter, my mother Marian, my brother John; my boss of two months who fired me soon after; the wonderful authors and teachers on HuffPost especially Dr Cara Barker, James M. Lynch, Dr Judith Rich, Anne Naylor, Ed and Deb Shapiro, and Russell Bishop.

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.  ~Henry Ward Beecher

Their words and ideas helped me overcome the obstacles in my mind — this is an ongoing project — included are all the unnamed actors who played their part in my life, in 2010.

I could not have evolved without any of you!


Thank you all for your words, your examples, for being live mirrors; thank you for the lessons; thank you for ushering me to freedom; thank you for forcing me to take back my power!

It has been a very bumpy ride. I was so terrified of being me all the time that I hung onto my illusion for dear life until I was kicked off your ride, only to realise that I had one of my own.

Thank you for showing me in your own unique ways that I am the creator of my own universe.

"Do not make the mistake of thinking you are a powerless individual in a vast world," writes Tai Situ Rinpoche in our book Be The Change  "Know that you are armed with three great powers. You have the power of the body — the source of all action; the power of speech — the source of all expression; and the power of the mind — the source of all thought." ~Ed and Deb Shapiro

FORCED TO TAKE 100 PERCENT RESPONSIBILITY

In all of my fifty-one years I never cried so many tears as I did in 2010 after I broke down, swallowed my pride, and asked my mother and sister for help in December 2009. 

I was born into a family where it is expected that I give but must not expect a return in kind; that is not done because it will never treated with respect and attention. The experience was disappointing which is why I stopped asking.

Breaking that decades long taboo made me very anxious. But I was tired of sponging off my two friends and I was fedup of lying about rent arrears because I kept putting off making a decision about what to do about my precarious until it all caught up with me. 

That is when I made the fateful (fatal) call to Trinidad.

God has entrusted me with myself.  ~Epictetus

I was faced with two choices, the unpalatable — I would not have made a good prostitute — or the distasteful — return to the family house in Trinidad. 

The 3-bedroom house I had given to my sister was not an option so I chose the distasteful and herein lies the tale. 


LIVING IN THE "HOUSE OF CATS"

After the first three months almost prostrate from the 34 degrees Caribbean heat, I received the first verbal blow from my sister which knocked me on my fat arse, and I simply could not find my bearings for a long time afterward. 

It was a foretaste of things to come.

Instead of creating expectations of what should or should not be happening, cooperate with the form that this moment takes.  Bring a 'yes' to the isness, because it's pointless to argue if it already is.  A greater intelligence is available to you when you no longer reject, deny, or 'don't want' what is. ~Eckhart Tolle

I had already discovered that abrasiveness and mutual disrespect were the norm in the group and with these peculiar dynamics playing out in the house, I decided to keep my distance after the first episode; observing all the niceties but engaging only when someone spoke to me. 

I simply did not know what else to do. I felt like a stranger and they were familiar strangers.

I thought my barrier would shield me from further attack but of course with my emotions roiling, it simply invited more of the same.



PAYBACK TIME (After All We Did For You)

My sister — the self-styled ruler of the house — followed that up with a second attack one month later, this time with my visiting brother and mother as her chorus. 

When fear is in control, we become resistant to change and spontaneity; we get angry, defensive, hidden behind self-constructed walls of protection, which reinforces separateness, isolation and enmity. ~Ed and Deb Shapiro

Grace informed me — at fifty-one years of age and after being absent from the house for thirty years, the country for twenty-four of those years  —  that I must conform to their way of life; I was making her uncomfortable in her own home (which I had recognised); everything was working fine before my arrival; I was eating too much of her food; and to crown it all — this person who had spoken to me once in seven years prior to December 2009 — I should be cleaning the house (also doing her laundry, etc. as her mother did was understood).

I was even instructed on how to clean a house!

Get mad, then get over it.  ~Colin Powell

She ended her diatribe by self-righteously telling me that I did not have her financial resources and that not "helping out" around the house "gets people thrown out". Attack is always the best form of defense, isn't it.

My mother informed me that since I did not say anything about my life, no one was going to ask. 

My feelings of fear, desperation and loss were overwhelming. 

FAMILY DYNAMICS

A little anecdote to situate you in this family frame: on my last visit to Trinidad in 2003 I was mugged in the city, in broad daylight!

I returned to the house, shell-shocked, and my visiting nephew got the story out of me. His concern was so touching — a rare commodity —  admonishing me not to go anywhere without him even though he wasn't brave (so cute).

He told the others at the back of the house and not one of them by word or gesture showed any concern for my welfare.

I grew up living with this utter disregard for my physical and emotional well-being.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.  ~Buddha

FEAR AND DESPERATION

Even though I did not visibly react, I know my inner turmoil directly contributed to this second attack. This occurred in April 2010.

After that I resented even more being beholden to them especially since money has become my sister's holy grail. She had already flatly told me that I "had better get a job" because she was not "taking care of me". 

Coupled with the threat of being thrown out my fear and desperation were at their peak.

I contacted the only person I knew in Trinidad – a recent acquaintance – to ask if she could recommend someone close and dependable with whom I could stay until I found a job. My criteria was sleeping space on their floor. That did not pan out.

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.  ~Malachy McCourt

COMBUSTIVE ENERGY

Finding myself in such an untenable position brought up all the other injustices I had been subjected to over the years and the flame of resentment grew into a raging inferno. 

The physical and psychological abuse my mother had inflicted on me set the stage for them all but one element in the game had changed —me— I was not taking this shit any more.

My quiet anger felt explosive.

This was combustive stuff so I am very lucky indeed that someone better than me — my Higher Self — was present to make me keep my mouth shut. 

Otherwise I would either be in prison for aggravated assault or prostituting myself on the filthy streets of this town after being kicked out for telling them more than a few home truths. 

I am exceedingly grateful.

As you deliberately look for positive aspects in others who surround you, you will train your Vibrational propensity into increasing improved Vibrations.  So it does not matter how many negative thoughts you have thought before, or how long you have been negatively focused. You can deliberately focus—right now—on an improved thought. ~Abraham-Hicks

Can you imagine, after single-mindedly working my butt off with the express goal of leaving these people and this hated house behind at twenty-one, I was back with nowhere else to go at fifty-one! 

Unless you have been there you cannot know how I felt!


BATTLING ON TWO FRONTS

I managed, somehow, to forgive my mother and sister for their daily pettiness and deliberate mean-spiritedness but it seemed impossible to do so with the lout (my brother-in-law).

I expected him to be fair and courteous to me but I got the contrary instead. Our particular battle began when he began criticising me directly for not cleaning his house.

I was practising the Law of Vibration to the hilt people; I hated them all for making me feel so small and the universe is nothing if not democratic. It sent me more of exactly what I hated.

Noticing a single shortcoming in ourselves is far more useful than seeing a thousand in someone else. When it is our own: we can correct it.  

~The Dalai Lama

CLEANING UP MY ACT

I knew I had to clean up my emotional act and stop reacting to the shit they were dishing out, and I did just that. 

I began by being grateful for the roof over my head, my clean clothing and for the other amenities I know others in my particular position did not enjoy.

That did not make the situation any more palatable but it was true all the same.

Through sheer perseverance I wished them all well every single day no matter what they did or said to me. I cried in the shower, and cleaned up after those bitches with tears streaming down my face, feeling my heart trampled upon.

Gradually, the Majestic cleansing and healing with Ho'oponopono and my meditation mantra May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering, May you be peace, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), eroded the fear, resentment, and desperation I felt. 

Then I was offered a job in August 2010.

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.  ~Mahatma Gandhi

SOMETHING STUNK

Writing helps me to clarify my feelings, thoughts and emotions, uncover more of my Self, and unearth the cause of a particular problem. 

From my observation something stunk in the house. There was just too much filth, lying, pretence, manipulation, mean-spiritedness, aggressiveness and abrasiveness.

My discoveries ended up as articles highlighting the dysfunctional issues in this trio's household. The root cause of this dysfunction is another story (for another time).

So, after I worked through the significance of the clashes with my relatives, I wrote:–

• How to liberate yourself from emotional burdens and family strife: 16 ways to work your thing out

Then, accepting my part in the drama:–

• Are you borderline civilised? 24 ways to recognise beastly behaviour in you and me

Recognising that their destruction of each other was "normal":–

• 21 ways to recognise lack of respect in a relationship

And finally, acknowledging I had to be authentic all the time because faking it did not make them like or respect me any better:-

• Start living authentically – embrace your truth and start living it with gusto

 Experience  is not what happens to you — it is what you do with what happens to you. 

 ~Aldous Huxley

MY PATH TO LIBERATION

What could have been the final straw for me — being fired mid-November 2010 — became my path to liberation.

Even though 31 December 2010 is forty-one days away — at the time of writing the first draft; it took me 3 weeks to complete and post — 

When I was fired, it felt right as I knew that something better was coming my way. The next day however, I started wondering how the hell I was going to get out of these people's house and get a place of my own. 

For the second time that month I felt I had come full circle (but that nothing had changed since January 2010) but as a very wise lady - a psychologist - told me earlier in the year "You do not step into the same river twice".

One week after being fired, I began reading David Cameron Gikandi's A Happy Pocket Full of Money; he says "money is just a shadow of an internal value" because it is not about the money as Bob Proctor also said in You Were Born Rich. 

I got it — I am in control! That understanding solidified into certainty two days later when I received another "d¡s" from my sister and mother. This time though, it had no effect. I had turned a corner and that felt so damn gooood!

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have. ~Norman Vincent Peale

And that my dear folks is how this post was born and so, I wanted to share my revelations which took over and then, I had to tell it all (who knew...):))


A CHANCE MEETING

I think my detachment was linked to the previous night activities when I released the love of my life, my soul mate, from my life because I was anguishing too much over our situation.

I could not fathom how a chance meeting could derail me like that. Imagine, a man who pleased me physically and intellectually and I am sure sexually we would have heated up the place; plus I met him on one of his less than better days.

Considering that most men are not worth my time, I was hooked that day in May 2010 but only knew it two weeks later when I decided to reflect on our first encounter. Once I opened that door though it was impossible to close it.

He who has not looked on sorrow will never see joy. ~Khalil Gibran

IT HURTS TO LET GO

He was married and worrying about the effect of the breakup on his two girls and his well-established life, and he ended up drinking alone in the evenings. We never consummated the relationship and it was not for lack of trying on his part; I simply refused to be second best.

The second time we met, I started doubting my senses and my Self. How could he be married if he was the right man for me? That could not possibly be right I argued! I questioned and agonised over every encounter, word and gesture and that shit went on for a few months. 

I railed at fate for placing me in such an untenable position.

Things like that just do not happen, no way! The stress of logic and emotions was too much and I was hurting us both so I had to end it. I wanted him to be free to do whatever he thought best for himself and his girls.

It hurts to let go, you know. I cried like a baby that night and fell asleep crying. However, when I awoke the next morning, the feeling of peace and lightness confirmed that what I did was right.


MY TRUTH

Full circle — that feeling again — this third time round I understood. Speak your truth girl and set yourself free and I am doing just that; the perfect way to end this 9-year odyssey.

The cruelest lies are often told in silence. 
~Adlai Stevenson

After having travelled and experienced the world, I wanted to return in triumph after twenty-four years absence — even if I had only a few hundred Francs to my name — with beautiful, expensive things that were a natural part of my lifestyle, and bearing great gifts (as usual).

That would have said "See, you all never appreciated me except as a drudge, a jackass to carry your load, and cash cow, but others did. See what I accomplished". Unfortunately, that was not to be.


THE TRUTH ABOUT FEAR

Fear of everything was my constant companion during the three weeks leading up to my departure from Europe. I packed and repacked my bags every other day to ensure that the weight was evenly distributed. 

It was the first time in my life I had to pay attention to such details because I normally travelled in Business Class.

All that fuss and bother because I was terrified of not having enough money to pay for excess weight besides what I had already budgeted.

The truth is more important than the facts.  
~Frank Lloyd Wright

This was aggravated by the fact that none of my 200,000 miles were valid on American Airlines, my sister's preferred carrier, and she was paying for the ticket. 

And guess what happened... I had to abandon all my luggage except one piece at the Geneva airport before getting on the flight to Zurich because I could not pay the internal baggage fees. 

Exactly what I was afraid of happened — a perfect example of the Law of Attraction people!

COMING FULL CIRCLE — TO MY SELF

I began 2010 with no job, one piece of luggage and destitute. I was afraid, lost, apprehensive and unsure about my job prospects (despite information received to the contrary).

I am ending 2010 with no job, a few hundred dollars in my pocket, a six kilo (14 pounds) weight gain from emotional and peri-menopausal eating, and a wonderful, solid, humorous detachment (most of the time) all because I cleaned out the pus from the festering wound.

I have found my Self, and I am love. 

The unexamined life is not worth living.  

~Socrates

I have gained a new awareness — another veil has been lifted from the illusion called my life!

I am certain the acceptance, compassion, joy and liberation I feel will continue. I have learned so much (left unwritten) but that is enough, don't you think ;)

54 lessons I learned in 2010 were the fruit of this 3-week labour — the culmination of my 9-year odyssey.

These lines close this final chapter — now it is time to move on — I will never pass this way again!

Dwell not on the past.  Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind.  Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed. ~Eileen Caddy

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