Who You Truly Are and What You Already Know Is Enough!

Hibiscus
Source: 3.bp.blogspot.com

It has been extremely difficult to write about what's going on in my life over the  past months so I go elsewhere to find articles which speak for me just until I can.
My issue is a now revealed abysmal lack of inner confidence in my abilities after losing everything I thought was important hence the reason for my unemployment.

Giselle P Hudson's You are 'enough' vibes with my feelings of inadequacy in the new job market in my 50s, my projecting such a sure demeanor and yet feeling so desperate inside to get that job, any job, that I blow it before I even walk through the door.

I am not the only woman experiencing this shit therefore I have reproduced You are Enough here. Coincidentally, a 72-year old man I recently met made similar wise comments about mothers and women who voluntarily or not, work in the home or who are unemployed like me - I had begun thinking that I was unemployable - and have much to give outside of their traditional roles.

What struck me most on reading this article was that I also kept trying to redefine myself and reworking my CV every time based on different jobs I applied for, which is fine but... I always had the feeling that I wasn't enough, that I should have more or even that particular qualification or certificate to "clinch it" and that I needed to study something even though I knew that I was capable of getting the job done, and well.

If I'm not enough now, when will I ever be? If I don't accept and love who I am now, who will do that for me? Answer... nobody!

You Are Enough 

How does that statement make you feel? Comfortable? Doubtful? Anxious?  

In my walk through life I’ve met many women who don’t feel adequate. They pursue additional degrees, take extra courses, and enlist to participate in product trials and experiments, all with a view to improving themselves; to make themselves more worthy, more deserving, more attractive.  

After years of coaching high-achieving women, my colleague, master coach and personal development expert Marcia Reynolds started noticing something troubling: many of the clients with whom she worked were plagued by anxiety over their own restless responses to the world.  

These women were jumping jobs regularly, defining and redefining their relationship with the marketplace, constantly questioning their roles as wives and mothers and sisters. 

Business coach, Carrie Greene, recently shared one of her pet peeves: “You know what drives me crazy? When I speak with someone and they say to me, “As soon as I get one more certificate I’m going to raise my prices.” Or, “As soon as I get more experience, I’ll charge for my services.”  




Source: pictureworldbd.com

A Boston agency recently posted a job listing online for a Director of Operations position at a company called Rehtom Inc. The requirements sounded nothing short of brutal:  

• Standing up almost all the time 

• Constantly exerting yourself 

• Working from 135 to unlimited hours per week 

• Degrees in medicine, finance and culinary arts necessary 

• No vacations 

• The work load goes up on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and other holidays 

• No time to sleep 

• Salary = $0 

It was described as “The World’s Toughest Job”. The job ad got 2.7 million impressions from paid ad placements. Only 24 people inquired and they were interviewed via webcam, with their real-time reactions captured on video. The interviewees couldn’t believe the job requirements. They were shaking their heads and many started to make painful sounds as the interviewer provided more details.  

In the end, it was revealed that the job being described was Motherhood. The video, which was really an advertisement for Cardstore.com got 8 million views in two days, with many people e-mailing links to their moms. 

Charlotte Alter found the cutesy ad did not do justice to the profession of Motherhood and that the idea that the 135-plus hour work week, the lack of breaks and holidays, the sleepless nights and the constant vigilance is just for moms and not for dads is part of the reason moms have it so rough. 

I can see her point, but the other part I see is how qualified so many women are as mothers and caregivers, because they’re already doing the world’s toughest job yet they don’t see the skills they’ve acquired as managers of their households, kids, and budgets etc. as a valuable part of who they are. 

A very good friend of mine was applying for a senior managerial position in a company and shared that she did not have any experience.  

I asked her what about her experience as a single mother, managing four children, and seeing to ALL their needs? Coordinating activities, planning meals, dealing with crises? She immediately understood where I was coming from, but still felt that she was not enough. 

We ALL need to be reminded that we are ENOUGH. Today. Not when we get the certificate, or the degree, or the promotion or when we get married. That wherever we are right now in our lives – it’s ENOUGH!   




Source: 3.bp.blogspot.com

In a recent Facebook update, bestselling author Anne Lamotte shared this: “My pastor said last Sunday that if you don't change directions, you are going to end up where you are headed. Is that okay with you, to end up still desperately trying to achieve more, and to get the world to validate your parking ticket?  

…Do you mind even a little that you are still addicted to people-pleasing, and are still putting everyone else's needs and laundry and career ahead of your creative, spiritual life? Giving all your life force away, to 'help' and impress?” 

Who you truly are and what you already know is enough. And I have news “there will ALWAYS be another class to take. Someone else is ALWAYS going to know more than you!” 

I leave you with these words by Alexandra Hope Flood, intuitive coach and blogger: 

1. You are a miracle. Never forget this fact. Just the science alone is mind blowing. 

2. You are unique. No one will ever be as good at being you as you are. Seriously. 

3. You are enough. Always. Never doubt this. There is nothing to add, but feel free to expand. 

4. There is always more to learn, but that is not failure, it is a gift. It can be fun too. 

5. Every obstacle is an opportunity to fall further into the miracle that is you. 

6. Commit to being the best version of you every day. Recalibrate definition of “best” as needed. 

7. Leave room for others when they fall off the wagon of their own miracle. 

8. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive every which way. Forgive him. Forgive her. Forgive you. 

9. Compassion is the key to forgiveness. Compassion means you feel the humanity in others. 

10.The more you forgive, the more you’ll enjoy being you, because the lighter your load will be. 

11. In the end, as in the beginning: You. Are. Amazing.  

What’s holding you or your team back? I help business leaders; entrepreneurs, career professionals and sales managers answer that question. Request the FREE report – Discover the #3 Mistakes You Inadvertently Make that Prevent you from Achieving your Goals. Send an email to womenleaderseries@gmail.com to claim yours!

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BECOME AWARE - Does It Ever Pay to be Angry? - Yes, but...

Bumblebee
Source: flowershopnetwork.com

Does it every pay to get angry? 

We rarely enjoy getting angry, it’s like drinking poison or being stuck in glue, it can arise out of nowhere and often out-stays its welcome. Anger can make enemies out of friends or family, and depression is often its bedfellow.

Our physical body gets tight, breath shortens, while mind and emotions get twisted. Anger is an unwanted guest that moves into our house leaving us unable to carry on with life as normal, constantly appearing and reappearing in our heads.

Anger is a single match that can burn an entire forest. It hurts, causes pain and anguish, it can leave people feeling like they’ve been run over by a truck. It creates an immediate separation, as egos pull back and rear their heads like cobras. Even justified anger is full of venom.

So how do we deal with this intruder, this thief in the night that steals our sanity? How do we let anger know that this is not the way we want to live, that enough is enough?

It’s not as if we can just stop anger, it’s usually way too powerful and arises quickly, in a flash, out of nowhere. There’s no point in repressing or denying it as it’ll just make itself known in another way and will gain strength.

There are occasional times when anger can be used consciously, without the accompanying emotional turmoil. As Sri Swami Satchidananda says: “Keep your emotions in your pocket and use them when appropriate.” But such times are rare. More often it is a reaction of the ego-mind demanding immediate release.

If expressing anger causes all this angst then is it possible to turn it around? Can we say hello to anger, hello my friend, what are you here to teach me? Can we invite it in for a cup of tea?

Chrysanthemums
Source: flowers-magazine.com

Can we turn shit into gold, or grow roses out of the roiling mud?

Perhaps the best way is by staying fully present and aware of whatever is being felt.

This means seeing it, naming it, breathing into it, while keeping the heart open and the belly soft. Repeat: soft belly, soft belly, soft belly.

Pay attention and see if the anger is actually a cry for help or love, and keep breathing. Through meditation we learn to just watch and not react.

Mindfulness invites us to make friends with the whole of ourselves just as we are, which includes witnessing and knowing anger. It grounds us in basic sanity so we can be aware of our feelings and not get swept away by them. There is a half way place between expressing anger and repressing it, a place where we can rest in awareness and mindfulness. That way we make friends with any arising feelings and have a breath’s pause before the urgent need to express them also arises.

When we lose connectedness with each other there is a deep longing to reconnect, to come back to our meeting place, whether we are aware of it or not. This is important, as the alternative is being overcome with rejection, grief, or loneliness. But the reconnection needed is really to ourselves, to the truth of who we are, and to our heart.

For us, there’s no more appropriate way to initiate this awareness than with the exquisiteness of meditation, where we sit quietly, breathe, and are aware of feelings, stories, and justifications, followed by a deepening quiet and stillness.

Ed and Deb Shapiro

*********************
Ed and Deb Shapiro are the authors of BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You and the World, with forewords by the Dalai Lama and Prof. Robert Thurman, contributions from many known meditation teachers, winner of the 2010 Nautilus Gold Book Award; and Your Body Speaks Your Mind, winner of the Visionary Book Award. They are featured contributors on Oprah.com, HuffingtonPost.com, and Vividlife.me, where they host the acclaimed weekly LIVE radio show, Going Out Of Your Mind.

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BECOME AWARE - 3 Easy Ways to Practice Gratitude

Hibiscus flower
Source: 2.bp.blogspot.com

Gratitude - Let's make it the first thing we remember from Dr Christiane Northrup's Blog post reminds me not to be stiff necked and stubborn about what I feel I need to hold onto when I really want to let it go.

My wonderful amazing body and marvelous inner Self always remind me by literally - I kid you not - giving me a stiff neck at those times and as soon as I understand the 'why' of it the crunch disappears immediately.

Listening to my body's messages made me become aware that letting go is so easy to do but because we learnt from our parents and teachers to hold onto our hurts not matter what when in fact, as painfully horrendous as some life changing events have been, we really have no choice if you and I are to live prosperous, happy and fulfilling lives.

We must let go and let God as advised by Bob Proctor. That poison of hate and anger will kill us faster than the person or persons who inflicted the pain upon us in the first place.

So, in line with living my 2014 motto  positively conscious and serene here are Christiane's three easy ways to practice gratitude every day:

1. Create Gratitude Touchstones

Write your favorite memories or peak experiences on index cards and keep them close at hand as gratitude touchstones. Here are a few examples: your spouse, your sleeping child, a beautiful place in nature, a favorite pet, an exciting trip, a special moment with a friend.

2. Make a list of all the people in your life for whom you are grateful.

Who helped or supported you in 2013? Start with the easy ones, like family, friends, work colleagues, wait staff at your favorite restaurant, and close advisors. Let the list expand organically.



White lotus flower
Source: 3.bp.blogspot.com

As you begin to picture the more minor players in your life, like the person on the end of the customer support hotline or the random person who smiled at you while you were at your favorite coffee stop, you may be amazed by how much help and support you have in your life.

Note: You can do the same exercise for the things you are grateful for. Don't forget things that are easy to take for granted like heat, electricity, and clean water.

3. Appreciate yourself for all that you are and all that you do.

Take a moment right now to look back and acknowledge how far you’ve come since last year. (You can do this for shorter intervals, too.) Journaling is a great way to keep track of this kind of information. The point is to update your “self-appreciation circuits” regularly and genuinely. It’s easier to go negative! Don’t do that to yourself.

Right now, take yourself into your heart and acknowledge your good traits, what you’ve accomplished this year, and the positive ways that you’ve grown. Recognize the ways in which your presence on planet Earth actually helps and supports others.

Practicing gratitude for as little as 15–20 seconds, can lower stress hormones, increase the flow of oxygen to every cell of your body, and harmonize your heart’s rhythms with your body’s other systems.

If all of this happens when you focus for just 15–20 seconds on something that brings you pleasure, joy, or a feeling of gratitude, imagine what would happen to your health—and our world—if you were able to cultivate and express gratitude and appreciation on a regular basis. That’s pretty powerful stuff.

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BECOME AWARE - Get the Inside Right, the Outside will fall into Place

Hibiscus by pinimg.com

 “If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place. As soon as you honor the present moment, unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action.” ~Eckhart Tolle

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Positively Conscious and Serene Brings You to Your Senses



Conscious World, The New Pink
Source: mxiloveu.com

Our belief systems are not logical - in fact they frequently defy logic and will work against us when challenged. This is the reason that we so often set resolutions only to find that another year has passed and nothing in our lives has changed - we're still painting dirt! We have the power to change... This year consider starting a new pattern. ~Bob Proctor

What I am loving about myself is that I'm getting to know myself in ways I never knew my Self before. And that's that this 14th year in this 21st century is all about. I realised it's not just about being positively present and serene as I stated in my first post for the new year 20 things I learned for sure in 2013.

On reflection, from this bedrock feeling of serenity which surfaced the day after my birthday - and don't ask me where that came from because I can't say. However I do know for sure that nothing can shake it - I'm all about being positively conscious and serene in 2014.

My awareness of what's going on inside of me and around me seems to have expanded and my glass is full and running over. How bout that eh :))

An author reader on Eckhart Tolle's Teachings eloquently describes his journey of seeking release while resisting life and what happened when he let go (and let God). His Slamming into a brick wall story perfectly describes my similar awakening one day after my birth date on 6 January 2014.

When you make a
 leap of faith you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do. Madisyn Taylor, DailyOM

In this vein, I want to share with you Jon Kabat Zinn's on University of California's TV, Coming to our senses. WATCH!

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Religion, Reactions and Skewed Beliefs

I never believed that god existed until my 40s. For me, it was an artificial creation and in many ways still is, like the Tin Man in Wizard of Oz - moving stiffly around the stage.

This came to mind when I read a statement attributed to Pope Francis about the clergy betraying god in a local daily and I thought "Religion is an entity that should be abolished - not outlawed for obvious reasons - but gradually stifled over time."
Religion's very existence creates too much discord and gives rise to anger, hate and murderous acts all in the name of somebody's god; I just do not understand that. If this is the One God to whom people around the world constantly offer prayers and praise how then can they not only sanction but commit murderous acts in their god's name?

This is something I have never understood and the bloodshed has been going on for centuries, and that's what I mean by my statement to stifle it until it inevitably dies.

However, I know now at 54 that God is and since I never knew my father, this energetic entity and I have become close and he's now my spiritual father. I suspect he's the only one I will ever know.

As you can probably tell, I am not religious despite attempts by my mother to brainwash me from the time I was 6 years old into Roman Catholicism. She tried them all over the many years I have known her and ended up staying with the Baptist faith.

As a typical observant kid I kept asking questions about the bible stories I was told to read - I was a reader from early - but never received answers and when I did get a response, they were contradicted by the actions of the adults around me.

By age 8 or 9 I understood that what the "big people" said about what was in the "church book" was a lie and even that young, already, I never did anything that didn't make sense to me and that went for explanations as well.

Hence the reason for all the brutal beatings I suffered through.

I have the same attitude today and told my bewildered mother then that nobody who came to mass on Sundays paid any attention to what the priests was saying, and if all adults believed those bible stories how come they were ignoring him.

Of course, no sensible explanation was forthcoming and that was when I decided and informed the dear woman that I would no longer be attending Sunday School (for kis) or the mass.

She ignored what I said and woke me as usual the following week and I reminded her of my decision, I am not going there anymore.

When it was time for Confirmation, dressed in my best I was and accompanied to the ceremony by my dearly beloved grandmother, Mama Rita and my mother to the ceremony. 

We dutifully lined up and when I go to the front, this white man wassitting in his chair in white finery and a tall hat and be told that I had to genuflect and bend down and kiss his ring as he was God's representative on earth, I balked but eventually bowed over that hand and left.

You see, I knew with blinding clarity that has stayed with me to this day that that could never be, no way no how and I bow to no man regardless of who he says he is and that priest was no bloody way higher or bigger than me.

He wasa man, period!

My feelings of revulsion was so overwhelming that to this day I don't remember anything that happened after the ceremony or for the rest of that day nor do I have any idea about what happened to the pretty dress and shoes.

I ended up in a sort of no-man's land for want of a better description. I do remember that I flung away the chapelet as if it was poisoned right there on the grounds.


Because of my experiences as an unloved child and the abuse I endured - I didn't know that what it was then - well into my early 20s, I will never accept anyone's dictates about the way I conduct myself nor their opinion on how I should think, act, dress, speak, read and what I should and should not do.

Not on this planet or any other!

Even when I was taxed to the limit in the office, my supervisors knew, speak, discuss, ask but don't ever tell me what to do. I am superbly competent anyway and knew my job and theirs better than they did.

Blame Pope Francis for getting me started on this god topic.

This wonderful, genuinely smiling Pope on Sunday 14 April 2013 disappointed me when I read a news headline attributed to him which screamed "Clergy and christians must not betray God".

My immediate and visceral reaction was it is impossible to betray God.  We each represent god wherever we are as we each carry a part of that entity with us and are connected to that vastness at all times.

So while some may not agree with the actions of others and particularly those who commit heinous crimes, we all act as we deem fit following our soul's dictates and I guarantee that each person's god is aware of it long before the thought even cristallised in a person's being.

And that gives rise to another idea that perhaps our life path is already set and we have no choice in the matter. Do keep in mind that 90 to 95 percent, some say 98 percent of our actions are already predestined because our subconscious is in control of our lives.

If that's true then the beauty here is that we still have that 3 to 5 percent to change the course of our progress. I prefer to believe that we have a choice and it's all about growth and the ace in our favour is called free will.

This is a huge subject and not one I'm going to expound upon any time soon, I'm just throwing it out there.

Now, while some thoughtless and/or well-planned acts create massive negative and painful reactions, it is the responsibility of those of us who can to connect with others of like minds around the world to raise the vibrations of the whole to positively impact humanity.

Yes, there are people out there who dedicate their lives to this purpose and I am grateful to personally know a few of them and I have met a handful of others.

So imagine my relief after my consternation had passed when I read Pope Francis' actual words during Sunday Mass at St Paul's that day "(the) clergy and christians must not betray the word of God with their actions or they undermine the credibility of the Catholic Church."

He continued "those who listen to us and observe us must be able to see in our actions what they hear from our lips, and so give glory to God."

While I am not a god hound and don't consider myself one of these so-called christians - who believe they have the only answers - I must admit that this Pope appears to be on the right track.

So pleasing for a change,eh.

Although, why would 1.2 billion Catholic people be unable to think for themselves is beyond me!

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Raise your Vibration and Become Aware of your Personal Power

Message from the "team"

Galactic Family of Light

Peggy Black and the "team"

The Jet d'Eau (70 metres tall), Geneva, Switzerland

We are here, joining you in the midst of all things. You are to be acknowledged for consciously anchoring the energy from the core center of the galaxy. The crossing of this energy threshold signals the beginning of change in the collective field. Those of you who are aware of what has taken place can celebrate, for you were the physical chalice of all that was being offered.

We realize that many were expecting great and grand sweeping changes once this event took place in your reality. Let us assure you that on our level there were great and grand sweeping changes. These profound shifts will now begin to filter into the physical reality that you are focused upon. The celestial alignment anchoring the new reality of earth into the realms of the 5th dimension has occurred. The higher frequencies and the vibrations of light held in the 5th dimension are now more available to feel and experience.

Allow yourself to be acknowledged for all the active internal shifts and changes you have processed in the last series of years. We assure you that the density that has been transformed from this dimension has been monumental. You have done your personal work in clearing compressed vibrational traumas from your physical body, your mental patterns and your field. You have also assisted and supported the clearing of compressed vibrational traumas from the collective consciousness as well.

We say congratulations and keep up the good work, there is still more to be transformed. We assure you that you are making the difference by bringing your light, love and willingness to this galactic theater. We also assure you that literally the changes are coming forth with greater speed and manifestation then ever before.

In the coming days there will be an increased awareness that your spoken words and emotional offerings are manifesting more quickly. Many of you are now experiencing this very thing as you state your intentions and the results show up in your life without delay. We invite you to begin to consciously clean up just how you use the power of your spoken words. There are no throw away words.

Learn to listen to how you are stating your lack or your bounty, your challenges or your blessings, your gripes or your gratitudes. What you are telling the universal energies will manifest in some expression in your life and experience.

Each word carries the vibration of your personal power and intention. These word/sound vibrations, infused and partnered with the force of your emotional expression, interface with the quantum field of all possibilities and bring forth what has been offered. We invite you to own this awareness and power from your multidimensional perception. This truly is how the act of creation works and you know this in your deepest self.

In the past there was a buffer of time which allowed you to correct many of these false or misqualified statements that you offered without much thought or intention. In the coming times you will be amazed at how rapidly your thoughts, desires and intentions are showing up. So we invite you to claim this personal power as you practice creating life-enhancing realities for yourself, your community and the world.

You will also become aware of the incredible synchronicities that occur to bring about these realities. Recognize and remember that synchronicities are meant to be a part of your experience. They serve as guidelines or markers to let you know that you are "in the flow"; consider them signs along the way. This will become a fun and playful aspect of creating your new realities and experiences.

We invite you to look for and acknowledge these unusual events that are somehow related. Once you begin to train your awareness to see these, so to speak, "miracles" or recognize a seeming odd coincidence occurring, you will know that you are on the right track. Watch for the synchronicities as they show up and celebrate your clarity.

Also begin to notice how your physical body is feeling, for it is also undergoing tremendous changes. Each cell is shifting to hold more and more light frequencies. This does not happen overnight. So be kind to yourself and conscious of the foods you ingest, making sure that they are whole, healthy and fresh. Make a practice of infusing your conscious energy blessings, into any substance you put into your body. Remember you are a transformer of energy frequencies as a multidimensional being.

Drink water, for this holy substance supports the work of the cells and tissues in becoming more crystalline and light filled. We invite you to honor yourself with the gift of being in the nature that is available. Drink in this holy substance of energy and frequency offered by nature for it will revitalize your subtle energy bodies. Be sure that you find ways and methods to relax each day even for small moments or mini rest bits. You are also invited to play, joyfully and childlike. Be sure to incorporate laughter in your daily pattern, for laughter is a powerful healing vibration which resets your energy field.

You are also experiencing altered states of awareness, noticing a subtle shift in your perception. Welcome those experiences; you are beginning to own your true authentic self as a multidimensional being.

The dimensions are much like rooms in a large dwelling; you will discover these dimensions or rooms as you explore the possibilities and allow yourself to move beyond your rigid boundaries. Again we invite you to play with this concept and potentiality.

Allow yourself to explore creating a space for this to occur naturally. Part of the shift in consciousness, the awakening and the ascension is the recognition and the ability to move freely along the timeline as well as from one dimension to another. You have had those moments where you truly do this, however we are inviting you to be aware of when you make this shift and to practice and welcome this ability to unfold.

You will find the perfect method which will support this shift in awareness. Sages and ancient ones have all given clues of how to bring about this shift; our favorite will always be the use of sound vibrations; chanting and drumming will certainly create a shift, as will dancing and meditation. There will come a time when you will able to shift your consciousness and alter you perception just with the desire and intention.

You will begin to explore the other dimensions and timelines with greater ease, each time bringing a new awareness back into this dense dimension of physical reality and duality. You will learn how to be in the altered-state of non-duality and still be present in this here and now. The doors are open for you; allow yourself to cross the threshold into the wonder.

We are welcoming you into the galactic family of light. Your planet and humanity is moving more fully into this realization. It is important that you always honor your physical body and presence in this dense polarity and dimension; however we also want you to honor and welcome your divine multidimensional presence.

Each day invite this divine partnership, anchor this energy to the electromagnetic and geomagnetic field of this planet, and embrace the clear knowing that you are receiving pure energy and support from the one true source of the All That Is.

Remember you are here on assignment to transmute and transform the dense unconsciousness and the misqualified energy that has been offered into this matrix or reality. You are a master and we are just reminding you of your true self. When we invite you to "lighten up" we mean this on every level.


Bring your light of consciousness to each experience; offer your light of joy and gratitude as often as possible; drink in the energy of light that is being given to you at each moment, from all of nature, the stars and your very galaxy.

Your every cell is adjusting and shifting to hold and anchor more and more light conscious vibration. You are literally being bathed at all times with this beautiful healing, ever expanding, vibration of light.

Welcome this pure energy you call light, acknowledge this pure energy of light, and begin to offer and share this light with all you encounter. You are becoming a true being of light vibration. Remember that you are light. You come from light and you will always be an extension of light. You are a guardian of the light.

We are honored to have this opportunity to acknowledge and welcome you into the divine family of light and love. We offer our gratitude and deep appreciation for the work and service you continue to extend into this physical reality. Be kind to yourself and others as these shifts and changes in density bring challenges. We are always available to assist and support upon your invitation and request. the 'team'

Peggy Black

©2013 Peggy Black All Right Reserved. You may share this message and distribute as long as nothing is changed, you credit the author and include this copyright notice and web address. www.morningmessages.com FREE 88 messages available

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14 Hard-Won Growth Lessons of 2012

2012 was a melancholy year for me; depressing as well as enraging.

It began in March 2011 when I found myself on the streets - and as devastating as that felt - it was probably the best thing that happened to me ridding me of my toxic family members in the process.

When your sister's husband deliberately smears shit all over the toilet seat - this is the first time I have aired this in public - and I mean all over and leaves it for you to clean up, you know what time it is.

When your wealthy younger sister, and yes it bugs me that I am beholden to her because she paid for my return ticket to the country, resentfully screams I am not taking care of you as if that was asked or expected, you know what time it is.

And when she follows up with I know you're not accustomed cleaning... yet explicitly expects me to clean her 5 bedroom/5 bathroom house for herself, husband and mother, as repayment that says it all.

To compound it all, you are called to a "family meeting" and informed that you are the problem because you're not mopping, sweeping, cleaning and dusting. You see, they decided not to hire a new cleaning lady, so you definitely know what time it is.

All that and more left me feeling revolted, disgusted and resentful having to deal with these beasts in human form whom I believed were behind me, never to resurface. I had vowed never to return under that roof 30-odd years ago to co-habit with my abusers but that is what life had in store for me.

So, I ended up living on the streets for a bit. It was during these soul-baring moments that good samaritans showed up in my life and as I look back, I see and now live my 14 hard won growth lessons of 2012.

1-  Never look a gift horse in the  mouth. When the father of a school friend from 40-odd years ago offered me his lounge chair to sleep on in their living room in my first week of homelessness, while his house was under renovation, it felt like a palace.

2 - Support comes from the most unlikely sources. That same family persuaded the sister of a friend of a friend to offer me a job and even though it was very poorly paid, and she exploited me to the hilt, I was so damn grateful and remembered that first day when I asked this stranger for $10, she gave me $100!

3 - When the going is really tough, suck it up. You can plead - as I did for the first time in my adult life - complete strangers for a job and be shut down really hard. Devastating as that may be, it will not kill you. Try again elsewhere.

4 - Be grateful and focus on what matters. When sleeping on my brother's couch for 3 months, I endured his religious zealot of a wife's needling without complaint. When her pettiness turned to outright lies because I never responded and he called me on it, I didn't say much to defend myself because I would have had to reveal her lies and that wouldn't have been good for him or the children.

5 - Swallow your pride it will not choke you. A friend of my brother's wife offered me a bed for one week in her home. I was very grateful until I saw the condition of their home. Everything was unwashed, dusty and obviously uncared for and the ceiling was rotting from water damage. But it was a bed I didn't have before and they fed me every single day too.

The offer of shelter was genuine and I even asked if I could stay an extra week but was glad when she said "no". 

6 -  Being humble helps you to appreciate miracles. I have asked so many different people for help, sometimes so desperate I wonder they didn't take me for a crazy person. 

Most times I got a silent "no" and when I was successful it surprised me. I lost nothing by it and appreciated those miracles even more when they happened.

7 - You learn to adapt in the most unlikely situations. Homelessness is an excellent leveler. People are people everywhere and when you end up in a St Vincent de Paul-run shelter for homeless people, living dormitory style, you are exposed to everything and everyone. It teaches you about yourself, first and foremost.

The roaches, lack of hygiene of some, their civility or lack, their violence, ignorance, psychological problems and consequent acting out, the unaccustomed food served, the rules of conduct, the respect and lack thereof shown by staff, are just details when compared to your reaction to this twilight zone of a new world.

8 - You discover your inner fortitude and self-respect. When a government bureaucrat tried to intimidate and belittle me in order to force me to move to a prison type government-run facility to follow a useless 2-year formless programme not aligned with my needs, the fires of anger ignited inside.

Feeling depressed, it surprised me when I heard myself respond firmly with dignity, determination and anger. That's when I knew I hadn't lost myself after all. I was just profoundly different on the inside.

Fighting against circumstances wastes time and energy. Learn to build on what you have.

9 - When you're afraid to trust, you are pushed into situations that will reveal you to yourself. I ended up in my first relationship in the country and in 15 years with a man who is addicted to alcohol, who physically and verbally abused me over an 8-month period.

The first time he slapped me for speaking my mind after constantly berating and shouting at me in public, drunk and sober, it was like a nuclear bomb going off inside me.

It happened again the following week before I had even digested the first incident. He left my face swollen, lip busted, mouth swollen and a headache that lasted 2 weeks. Emotionally, I was a wreck.

Never having known an alcoholic before, and never having been hit as an adult, I experienced flashbacks and utter terror with this man, not counting his verbal threats, all played out in public. And the scary thing was, we weren't even lovers or living together.

I overcame the fear of the physical harm and verbal threats and faced down this 48-year old bully who lashes out when he can't express himself except through criticism, insult and physical abuse. I did not conform to what he wanted.

10- Speak with love in the face of anger. After I outgrew the useless rage and hate - in the interim I ate and ate to comfort myself and became very fat - I saw that reacting to anger with anger made the pot boil over.

Coming from a place of compassion and understanding turns off the judgement in your mind and  turns away the "knife". It enables you to really see and listen to the person in front of you.

You get here by going in "there" to your well of stillness - being quiet - which helps you understand your words and actions, and accept responsibility for it all.  

From there, you begin accepting the other person as they are and seeing their needs from their point of view. It is an ongoing process.

11- You don't have to love romantically to work things out.

The why of this 'unsuitable' relationship is it happened because it was meant to be. I instinctively knew when the shouting, threats, possessiveness and beatings started that it was a karmic meeting where all previously unresolved issues had to be cleared up before a satisfactory ending could take place. 

All is coming to fruition as it must. In the process I have overcome fear of everything, developed a bedrock of resolve, rediscovered an overwhelming love and appreciation for myself, uncovered a compassion for others that I often refused to acknowledge. It doesn't make me weak!

I recognised that the hatred and despair I felt which I thought was for this man were really directed against myself. It was all about me and that is when the change began.

12- Accepting charity is a gracious act of receiving. This was the hardest for me. I wanted to do it myself and eat what was nutritious even though my purse and bank account rarely had more than twenty dollars.

Accepting to wear clean but used clothing cast off by others gave me and still does sometimes, a very uncomfortable feeling. However, I have discovered that wearing the same garment until it forms holes that have to be darned is not a big deal.

Being invited to social events by charity groups which unfortunately are of a religious bent can be tolerated in small doses for the little pleasure packages and special meals that follow.

13- You never know the turning your journey will take. There is always more to learn and you never know how far you will have to go when living the soul journey so be prepared for the unexpected. The only way to do that is by taking one step at a time and seeing the positive in front of you.

It's never about who you meet on your journey. It's always about your reaction to circumstance and being truthful to yourself (and others if you want) by accepting responsibility for the part you played in the story.

14-  Money taken away does not change who you are. Passing through the fires of deprivation burnishes and fortifies you. You can withstand whatever life throws at you even when you may think you can't at times. It all builds you up one day at a time until you are this person that you never knew before.

All is falling into place unbeknownst to you and because miracles happen every day keep the faith that the good stuff you want is just around the corner!

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Be Aware of your 'Angry Bull' Atractiveness

When there is no emotional charge behind the boundaries you establish to maintain your space, you will never be drawn into any conflictual situation nor will you be drawn into anyone's story.

It makes no sense to create barriers when you are mad as a hatter because not only will it be visibly obvious by your body language but you will also be radiating that anger.

That is the Law of Vibration at work - you get what you put out.

There is nothing better than this red flag to any angry 'bull' that crosses your path. You will also attract any person in your vicinity who is just looking to pick on someone and depending on your reaction, voila the fireworks.

The beauty here is that you can become aware of your angry bull attractiveness before the situation degenerates into verbal mudslinging and/or fighting.

I recently experienced this with an old woman. After her numerous verbal assaults and racist remarks I finally told her 3 months down the line that the next time she disrespects me I will 'cut her arse' meaning I will give her the beating of her life.

So said so done.

Five to ten minutes into the fracas I felt close to tears at the sudden understanding that although it was the last straw that broke me, my rage had little to do with her and more to do with how I was handling my living conditions and the conflicts therein. She was the conduit.

Clarity was crystal clear and it infuriated me so I still carried on for five more minutes and acted really really small.

Through boundaries you can still be pricked. Words will be seeded on the fertile terrain of your - in my case- self-disgust, anger and frustration and fear that I was not good enough to be employed at 53.

The only way to ensure there is no taint behind your personal boundary is to:

1- Be aware of the emotions you feel throughout the day. This way you will know when not to let yourself get caught up in someone else's story.
 
2- Think of your mind as a garden and start pulling weeds so that you can enjoy the flowering plants, trees and shrubs (thanks Deb Shapiro).
 
3- Practise meditation to encourage a peaceful inner world. The more you do it the firmer inner ground will be. 5 to 15 minutes a day, preferably first thing in the morning is perfect if you can make it. If not choose the calmest period for you. Make the choice.

4- Start looking for non-invasive techniques that support your desire to free yourself from the useless emotional baggage that pollutes your heart and mind.

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Tapas Accupressure Technique (TAT), affirmations, powerful energy work with Jo Dunning, shamanic sessions with Stefan Shuem, Ann Taylor's Inner Healing, reprogramming with Dr DiCenso, the amazing Christian Pankhurst, to name just a few are all at your fingertips (literally). 

Listen to Blog Talk Radio for soul talk - choices abound, and read, read, read ladies and gents.

Tap in people! Empower yourself to turn that dial and tune in to find the real you. I think you will be very surprised.

Soulful Reading:

Cara Barker - How effective is your resting place to create what moves the heart and soul

Russell Bishop - What to do when negativity attacks

Judith Rich - The act of blessing - A GPS guide for the soul

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BECOME AWARE - Make The 12 Riches of Life Yours

Make the 12 riches of life, yours.

My book Think and Grow Rich has been read by perhaps seven million men and women. In the twenty years since it was published I have been able to talk to some of these people, and I see that some have used the book to help them become rich in money only.

It is time to set down once more the twelve great riches of life:

1. A positive mental attitude

2. Sound physical health

3. Harmony in human relationships

4. Freedom from all forms of fear

5. The hope of future achievement

6. The capacity for faith

7. A willingness to share one's blessings

8. A labor of love as an occupation

9. An open mind on all subjects

10. Self-discipline in all circumstances

11. The capacity to understand others

12. Sufficient money

These are the riches which can and should go along with peace of mind. Notice I have set money in the last place, and this despite my insisting that it is very difficult to have peace of mind without sufficient money.

I set it there because you yourself will automatically give emphasis to money.

Now and then, therefore, I must remind you to de-emphasize it and remember this: Money will buy a great deal but it will not buy peace of mind--it only will help you find peace of mind. But neither money nor anything else can help you find peace of mind unless you begin the journey from within yourself.

Napoleon Hill
Source: Grow Rich with Peace of Mind Ballantine. Pgs. 67-68. From Napoleon Hill.org

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Five Things to keep in mind when searching for Paradise

Judith Rich's superbly lyrical Finding Paradise in the Exotic and the Ordinary is a truly beautiful article that must be savoured.

It is about being present, facing life challenges head on and we evolve while we're at it. The dance of life is made up of many steps and missteps and it takes us somewhere, usually unknown, which is the scary part of many of us.

Just remember FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. Nothing and no one can hurt us except ourselves.

“If a man could pass through Paradise in a dream, and have a flower presented to him as a pledge that his soul had really been there, and if he found that flower in his hand when he awake - Aye, what then?” Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Five things to keep in mind when searching for paradise right where you are.

1) Being present is not optional. It's mandatory. If you want to access all the glory and magnificence of each and every moment, it will require that you show up fully, totally and completely. Wake up, show up and situp. Then watch what happens.

2) Listen to the silence. When we are truly connected to what is, words are not necessary. In fact, they often get in the way. So stop the chatter and become still. Paradise speaks in a language all its own. It requires our full focus and attention. In the silence, we can hear the song that beauty sings.

3) Love what is before you with all your heart, mind, and soul. It's all there, it's always there, bathing you in its glory. Yes, even in those moments that appear to be scary or filled with conflict, in their very midst, if you open your heart to it, Paradise is serenely waiting for you to come to your right mind and receive its blessing.

4) Gratitude is the great turbocharger. Life is always showering us with abundance and goodness. It is we who erect the barriers that make us unavailable to it. When we're in gratitude, the doors open, the barriers fall and we avail ourselves to even more of what we're grateful for. Spend time in gratitude and I dare you to be unhappy.

5) Go for the gusto. Life is a coat of many colors. Some of them you'll have to seek out beyond the edges of your comfort zone. Take that helicopter ride, trek down to the bottom of that valley, eat that strange thing you've never eaten, take a leap of faith into the unknown and discover what awaits you. Learning, growth and joy lie beyond the realm of what is known. Or as Julia Cameron wrote: "Leap and the net will appear."

It's easy to recognize paradise in the exotic, like Hawaii. It's a bit trickier, but also very doable, to recognize it right under your nose. But you have to have the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the heart to feel it. Oh, and the soul to let you know you've hit pay dirt!

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