How Accepting and Loving of Yourself Are You?

Ed and Deb Shapiro have written a wonderful article on HuffPost, Intimacy -- Into Me, I See; Into Me, You See. I have included an excerpt but you really ought to read the full article. They include a simple meditation technique for accepting and loving yourself. That's my good news post. Have an absolutely sparkling weekend y'all!

Intimacy implies letting someone else get close to us to see all our secrets and hidden places. An intimate relationship means that we are willing to let go of our defenses and be seen by another for who we are, including all of our vulnerabilities and weaknesses -- into me you see -- which can be terrifying.

Intimacy can cause fear, apprehension, even a shutdown of feelings. Rather than exploring the longed-for togetherness, it can all get too overwhelming, causing us to retreat back into our separate corners, hesitant to reach out again.

Intimacy is not something that can be forced or pulled out of a hat; it comes through the letting go of resistance, through softening and opening to ourselves and to each other.

Meditation and Intimacy

Meditation enables us to accept discomfort instead of trying to smooth over or deny the bumps. We can accept embarrassment and shame, gently embracing whatever is there. Accepting ourselves as we are is immensely liberating. As one of our teachers said, "never be embarrassed by yourself."

Accepting and Loving Myself! Meditation
 

Find a comfortable place to sit with your back straight and close your eyes. Become aware of your breath. Silently repeat three times: "I am aware that I am breathing." 

Your breath is your best friend ... the closer you are to your breath, the greater the feeling of inner peace. Now bring awareness to your physical body. Silently repeat three times: "I am aware of the whole of my body." 

Visualize your body as if it were a temple ... you live in this temple your whole life... know that your body is a blessing, a great gift.

Now focus awareness to the center of your heart ... breathe into this space, into your heartspace ... your heart is like a beautiful flower opening in the sun. Silently repeat three times: "I am aware of my heart opening." 

Your life is a gift to be cherished ... treasure yourself always. Silently repeat: "My breath is my friend ... my body is my temple ... my heart is open and loving." 

When you are ready, take a deep breath and open your eyes. 

So how accepting and loving of yourself are you? Practise the meditation and come back and share your results with me. I would love to know how it went. 

                                                                                                                           

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Who Are We, Really; Do You Know?

Who are we, really? Do you know who you are, do you? And what are your really made of? These questions came up while I was mentally raging at someone and deciding how to blast them. 

But actually I was just venting my because I knew it would be an exercise in futility; talking to the "deaf" is a waste of time!

However, I had to work through the angst somehow and that in turn segued into "who am I really", "why am I wasting my time with this shite. I am so fedup with this situation; let me dig down and see what I'm really made of". That's how it all started.

Stripping

So after my "fit", I closed my eyes, went into a meditative state and and mentally started stripping. Off came my clothes - that's not who I am. Then I ripped my skin off every part of my body in sheets. I could see the veins, capillaries, muscles, fat and all that red flesh and bulging eyes. That still wasn't me.

To bare bones and tendons

So I went further and ripped the flesh off my bones. Now that I was clothed only in the tendons which were holding my bones together, I carefully looked over my skeleton frame. It was like any other skeleton, just bare bones; nothing special and I still hadn't discovered who I am.

A skeletal mess of bare bones

So I decided to go further. Started at my feet, I ripped off the tendons and clack went the foot which separated from the leg bone and crashed to the floor. Huh, the body was now weirdly lopsided.

Did the same with the other foot and clack and thump went that one too. Now I was nice and even on my bony stumps. I continued stripping until my  bared bones were sprawled clumsily on the floor save for my left arm, the only one still attached to my shoulder.

So what's left?

I then plucked out my brain and squished it because I knew that it wasn't the seat of my thoughts. Then I did the same to my heart and other organs and after all of that, I was still thinking!

So I'm definitely not my thoughts but from where then do they originate? None of that stuff is what we think of as the individual "me", obviously.

We are definitely not... that

I concluded from my little but rather lengthy experiment that in spite of the undeniable fact of our physical bodies – and most people think that is who they are – which allow us to experience this world, we are definitely not that and I am not that either. So what am I, what are we?

We are much much bigger. At the end, I ended up with an unseen weight in the palm of my hand. I don't know how that suddenly occurred but it did and I have no idea what it was. Is that the sum of who I am, who we are as individuals? No way to tell.

And we are... more than skin, bones and flesh

So what are we then? Who are we, who am I? And where do my, yours, our thoughts come from after we are stripped of our bones?

All I can say is that it felt as if we are living within a gigantic mind and our individual minds – which are not attached to our physical bodies – feed into it thus creating our own realities.

That in turn tells me that WE are all so much more than skin and bones and flesh.

We ARE an undefinable essence – a sort of Presence – unseen yet tangible, energising and animating all. 


What do you think dear reader - do you believe we are more than the sum of our parts or are we just a bunch of perfectly functioning cells run by a superb machine called the brain? Do let me know.

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Our Ocean's Health

With what's going on in the Gulf of Mexico, I wanted to add this to underscore what's at stake, for those who  might still be in the dark. It is all about our ocean's health. We (the world) are losing the micro-life that sustains everything under the water and in the sand, every single bloody day because of this disastrous, murderous actions by BP. I feel like crying!

National Geographic's Exploring Oceans: An Overview

Watch this wonderful Relaxation Meditation: Sunset Over The Ocean on Youtube (embed code unavailable) to de-stress your from the horrors.

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Life Is Just About Loving: Get Started Loving Today

The thought for today is about love; the global (compassion) kind and the love for that special someone.

I'm thinking about love because of this luscious man that I unexpectedly met and quite by chance too since I definitely wasn't looking; I have enough on my plate as it is.

Life is about loving

I have been thinking about the world of complications he's going to bring into my life right now. And as I sat pondering, I decided to surf his Facebook page  and something shifted right then. 

I don't know what exactly but I saw a photo of his sister and with that came the realisation that life is just about loving. There are no hard and fast rules here. We mess it up lots of times but you know what, it does not matter!

So we fucked up, big deal. So it's not what we thought, so what! The only choice we have is to live the hand we are dealt; there is always something there for us. 

Love self first

We are all here to learn and love, ourselves first and foremost and then the rest because if we cannot love ourselves, nobody sure as hell is gonna love us. 

We meet people along the way who hurt us, maybe even hate us, denigrate us, disrespect us, and all that sort of stuff and what we must take from it is this – we are here to experience the divine in the flesh.

And when we surface from the bracing cold of wintery experiences, we shake ourselves off, warm up and move on.

Stuckness = more growth

Sometimes we seem to stay stuck (forever) but this stuckness brings us more "goodies" in the form of evolutionary growth material. Sure it's violently painful at times and often, we feel more like we are drowning instead of treading in deep waters. 

But we do make it through when we stop resisting and allow ourselves to embrace the pain (as I know all too well). Everything then (bizzarely) sort of slips into place. Growth doesn't get any better than that.

Stop searching for happiness

Life doesn't get any better than this. So stop this nonsense about searching for happiness. Happiness is internal not external. When you get it you try to trap it thereby forcing its premature departure. 

Enjoy what you are doing now, if you can't love it. Be grateful for what you have and where you are right now. Better yet, go find what you love to do even if it's a hobby and get started loving today!

Have a wonderful day people.

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Getting Old Is A Bitch When You Reap What You Sow

I recently witnessed an incredible scene of cruelty and utter disdain between a mother and her child which brought to mind the old adage "you reap what you sow" and in this case, getting old is really a bitch!

Martyrdom is the mother's stock in trade and has been adopted by her daughter as well but that doesn't make the scene right, does it. It went like this:

No more painkillers

The elder is in her seventies and recently had a knee replaced. There are painkillers, anti-inflammatory and antibiotics which she has to take at regular intervals to avoid the excruciating pain.

Her pain medication ran out in the night and she only revealed this the next day. She also did not tell anyone that she was on her last packet of medication which is part of her martyrdom syndrome.

Since I was the first person awake in the house, I checked on her and heard
the story about the painkillers. In the interim since there was nothing I could do about her discomfort, I made her as comfortable as possible, gave her breakfast and went about my business after telling her to inform her caretaker as soon as she came downstairs.

Perhaps a solution

I returned four hours later to discover that her prescription had not been refilled and she was still in pain - the pharmacy is two minutes away by car and ten minutes each way on foot. The woman's daughter - self-identified caretaker - went about her daily chores and left her parent grimacing on her bed. 

When I bluntly asked why, she as usual, stoutly defended her obese and wealthy daughter - saying "she told her that she may have some of the same medication "somewhere" upstairs and will look for it".

By this time the woman had been in constant pain for approximately eight hours. She herself is also obese so it was like double jeopardy for her to move between her bathroom and the bed with her walker.

Medication found

When the woman's daughter noticed my presence, she promptly disappeared. It seems she had gone to her bedroom to finally search for those famous painkillers she wasn't sure she had but which she subsequently produced in a matter of minutes; then disappeared again with a huge, long-suffering sigh like what a chore.

Lessons learned

People really do reap what they sow and it is amazing to see it in action this way. This woman was a terrible mother: disinterested, cruel, selfish, vindictive, inflexible, manipulative, lazy, careless of her children's well-being; one of her sons was repeatedly raped by one of her friends before he was ten and she blamed her son.

She was physically abusive to all of her children, particularly the eldest, and she is well-liked in her community because she does a lot for them. It also does not surprise me that she had to have a knee replaced! There's a tale there as well!

From observation, I realise that the daughter is getting her revenge because she is now the "mother" and main provider and her word is law.

She demonstrates the same vindictiveness, pettiness, and selfishness on a regular basis and she is violently supported by her "mammie" in whatever she says and does.  What goes around, comes around. It is scarily fascinating! That is the unhealthy co-dependency which they both seem to need. That is my mother and sister!

When you reap what you sow

You will never be in the know

You will suffer

Pain, degradation and deprivation

Humiliation and lack of care 

Secret incomprehension

Inner anger and heartfelt sorrow

And still not be in the know

That's because you're reaping what you sow'd

When you reap what you sow

Frustration, guilt and sorrow

Is what you owe

It brings you down low

Self-justification and defensiveness

A mortal cocktail mix

Don't be astounded

To feel sick and wounded

Recuperation and rehabilitation slow

When you reap what you sow.

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Words of Wisdom To Live By

Since I couldn't access Blogger over the weekend, here's a belated good news post from Abraham/Hicks - words of wisdom to live by. Give them some thought.

Acting under duress

If there is something that you have to do, resist the temptation to do it under duress. Ask yourself, "What's the worst thing that would happen if I didn't do this?" And if you can get away with not doing it at all, don't do it. And then imagine what would it feel like to have this done. 

Spend a day or two, if you can, just 15 minutes here, 5 minutes here, 2 minutes here, here and here, imagining it completed in a way that pleases you! And then, the next time you decide that you're going to take action about it, the action is going to be a whole lot easier. 

Harmony

I want to be the best that I can be. I want to do and have and live in a way that is in harmony with my idea of the greatest goodness. I want to harmonize physically here in this body with that which I believe to be the best, or the good way, of life. 

If you will make those statements, and then do not take action unless you feel good, you will always be moving upon the path in harmony with your idea of that which is good.

Meeting Resistance with Resistance 

If you don't meet resistance with resistance, it dissipates dramatically. It just softens. Try it! Next time somebody says to you, "I'm right, and you're wrong," say, "Pfftt, you're right. You are right. You're right." And mean it. 

In other words, don't mock them. Don't be sarcastic. "You're right." And then watch how, all of a sudden, their legs almost go right out from under them. They don't have the energy to blast you, because you just took the fuel away from the fire.  

Meditation

"Do you have to change your vibration on a particular subject in order to let it in?" No, you don't. You could pet your pet and let it in. You could sit with your feet dangling in the bay, and let it in. If it is a subject that you often think of in an attitude of resistance, it is really worthwhile reaching for some thoughts that feel better. 

You could launch an intention and never think about it again, and the Universe would yield it to you. You don't have to clean up your vibration relative to anything, if you can just not think about it any more. That's why we teach meditation. 

It's easier to teach you to have no thought than to have pure positive thought. When you quiet your mind you stop thought; when you stop thought you stop resistance; when you stop resistance--then you are in a state of allowing.

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Friends: Those Sometimes Overlooked People

Image by hunting.glee via Flickr

Friends, those sometimes overlooked people in our lives; overlooked because we take them for granted and sometimes we abuse that friendship for our own selfish ends and they let us do it. 

Friends, real friends are there for us, they have our back, they support us through thick and thin, they put up with our shit, they accept us as we are and they tell us the truth, sometimes when we least want to hear it. That is called love people. 

Real friends make up the core of your family and they must be cherished, and as I'm sure you know you cannot choose your family but you can shoose your friends.

Khalil Gibran reminds us what friendship is all about. 

FRIENDSHIP

Your friend is your needs answered

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving

And he is your board and your fireside

For you come to him with your hunger

And you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind

Nor do you withhold the "ay"

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart

For without words in friendship

All thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared

With joy that is unacclaimed

When you part from your friend, you grieve not

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence

As the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit;

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught

And let your best be for your friend

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill

Seek him always with hours to live

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness

And in the sweetness of friendship 

Let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

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Birth and Death: Why Be Afraid of This Transition?

Image by overdrive_cz via Flickr

I have never understood people's fear of death. Birth and death are part of the natural life cycle so why be afraid of this natural transition. We die to things everyday and start others. It's called change.

When we make love and have an orgasm it's called "la petite morte" the little death.

It is natural to grieve when a loved one dies; it provides the space to accept the departure. 

Although a child's death is probably the hardest to bear, those left behind forget in their pain and despair that their children are no longer suffering. They are peaceful and happy in their new lives wherever that is and the only hell being experienced are those created by the living.

The same goes for adults when they die. And it doesn't matter if they made the transition through illness or accident, they are all well!

Let go of the pain and resentment of the loved ones disappearance which some hold onto for years, destroying the lives of other family members in the process. The memories of those gone are alive and well and will always be so. Use that as comfort. Their souls are alive and magnificently well.

Sometimes someone will be sick, and a daughter or someone who loves a sick person will say, "Abraham, I'm wanting to help this person."

And we say, just hold the image of them in a place of utter Well-being, and trust that through the path of least resistance, either they will recover and Well-being will be restored here, or they will withdraw and Well-being will be restored there.

But in either case, whether they stay or whether they have what you call death experience, the Well-being is always restored.

Whether it is someone who has just been bipping along in physical experience who has been meditating, who knows the sweetness of Connection on a day-to-day basis, who says, "Ah, this life experience has been so wonderful and I think I will now turn my attention to another aspect of my life experience," closes their eyes as they put themselves in the bed, make the transition, and they are discovered as having made their transition in the night.

Or whether they have some violent experience, where at the gun of an enemy, or the gun of someone violent, or a car crash they make their transition. As they make their transition, ultimately it is still the same experience.

Abraham/Hicks

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How To Respond When You Are Verbally Attacked: 16 Ways To Live Through It

You know that old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words cannot harm me". 

Well it's true and false at the same time and that's what induced me to write this post on how to respond when verbally attacked since that is what's been happening to me lately.

Words cannot harm you when you are in an emotionally secure place and feel confident in your abilities. The operative words here are "emotions" because when you allow emotions to take over it is all downhill from there.

Feeling hurt comes from not "feeling" good about yourself and this vibration is felt by your aggressor.  I say this to underline the fact that no one can make you feel hurt!

From my recent experience here are 16 ways to live through a verbal attack.

1 - Do not attempt to defend yourself. Let the verbal sword slide harmlessly into the water and lose it's force. And stay focussed on the words not the emotions behind them as they are meant to draw you into that cauldron and will "comfort" your aggressor in his or her "right" to attack you.

2 - Listen attentively to what is being said; do not interject any comments.

3 - Do not respond to accusations; they are self-justifications for the aggressive behaviour.

4 - Understand that what is being said and particularly the feelings projected have nothing to do with you; the person is coming from their own place of lack of self-esteem.

5 - Accept that there is nothing you can do about the other person's feelings; putting a bandaid on a sore never works.

6 - Reflect on what was said and take responsibility for your part in the issue(s) raised.

7 - Never use the words "I'm sorry". You are not the sorriest person in the world and saying these words belittle you. Say "I apologise" instead. It doesn't hurt and it shows you are a bigger person.

8 - Never apologise for being yourself.

9 - Cry it out, sweat it out, run it out, jump it out, dance it out, but whatever you do, get that negative energy out of your system.

10-Meditate and use the mantra "And this too shall pass".  As I have recently discovered, it works beautifully.

11-When you find yourself replaying the incident in your mind, stop and do some majestic cleansing and healing with Ho'oponopono instead. It will clean up that energy.

12-When your heart hurts repeat mentally or out loud May you be well, May you be happy, May you be free from suffering, May you be peace throughout the day and as often as necessary. Tears may flow as you say them so be prepared.

13-Love the other in their emotional disarray. And if you are unable to do that, feel compassion for them instead as they journey through their spiritual wilderness. It is all you can do.

14-Try to communicate with your aggressor in a calm moment to express your feelings  - if you can get through their barrier, if you think it's worth it, and only if you believe that it will change the dynamics of the relationship. Communication is a two-way street after all.

Because quite frankly, there is no need to bash your head against a brick wall when you "know" the same shit will come raining down in another form somewhere down the line because they did not get their pound of flesh.

15-Analyse why you feel anxious, guilty, uncomfortable in your skin, etc.  – are you doing the best you can – then take whatever action is needed to make you feel good. Love yourself and move on and yes, the hardest part is letting go of that piece of hot coal.

16-Let it go. This will be misunderstood as "not caring". However, there is nothing you can do about another person's perception.

Life is about living and experiencing these painful events build us. You may feel battered and bruised at times but after the tears and hurt have flown, you will feel a wonderful rightness.

You become soft, strong and pliable. Nothing can ever break you down and I can attest to this fact; just continue to love yourself ever more.

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How Do We Get Happy – By Living The Soul Journey

Image via Wikipedia

How do we get happy? We become by doing what we love. We get happy through living the soul journey.

It is that simple and yet most of us have such difficulty getting there for all sorts of dumb reasons; like Yours Truly!

and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save. 

Mary Oliver, The Journey

Because I am on this soul journey, I know without a shadow of a doubt that what the soul yearns for is not happiness; although many people are actively seeking it which I do not understand.

No, what the soul desires is fulfillment of its needs and we die a slow death when they remain unfulfilled. That's a lotta zombies out there people! Do you intend to join them?

I empathise most with children, and adolescents and teens in particular who feel this yearning so deeply and so powerfully but they are stifled by the demands of adults; unable to express themselves.

Their brilliance is snuffed out through ignorance and far too many end up self-destructing because of it! We have to end this!


Feeling your soul's desires and having them fulfilled is what we are all here to do. When we follow the dictates of others and ignore our soul's yearning, the life we end up living – if you can call it that – is perfectly described in the song lyrics below. Leona Lewis does a beautiful job.

It's a poem, a dirge, a cry from the heart and a yearning from the soul. So here's to celebrating living the soul journey.

HAPPY

(lyrics by Leona Lewis et al)

Someone once told me

That you have to choose

What you win or lose

You can't have everything

Don't you take chances

You might feel the pain

Don't you love in vain

Cause love won't set you free

I could stand by the side

Watch this life pass me by

So unhappy

Safe as could be

Holding on tightly

Just can't let it go

Just trying to play my role

Slowly disappear

But all these days 

They feel like they're the same

Just different faces

Different names

Get me outta here

But I can't stand by the side

And watch this life pass me by

Pass me by

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world just throws me off the edge 

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I'm trying to be... happy

 

So many turns that I can't see

Like I'm a stranger on this road

But don't say "victim"

Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world just throws me off the edge 

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be... happy

I just wanna be... happy

When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. -Mary Oliver

This is what we are all aiming for whether we know it or not, whether you agree with me or not. And it does not matter how long it takes either; you have to take this soul journey. It is why you are here!

Are you living a soul journey? What obstacles are you putting in your way that create challenges, and how do you handle them? I look forward to your comments.

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