How To Respond When You Are Verbally Attacked: 16 Ways To Live Through It

You know that old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words cannot harm me". 

Well it's true and false at the same time and that's what induced me to write this post on how to respond when verbally attacked since that is what's been happening to me lately.

Words cannot harm you when you are in an emotionally secure place and feel confident in your abilities. The operative words here are "emotions" because when you allow emotions to take over it is all downhill from there.

Feeling hurt comes from not "feeling" good about yourself and this vibration is felt by your aggressor.  I say this to underline the fact that no one can make you feel hurt!

From my recent experience here are 16 ways to live through a verbal attack.

1 - Do not attempt to defend yourself. Let the verbal sword slide harmlessly into the water and lose it's force. And stay focussed on the words not the emotions behind them as they are meant to draw you into that cauldron and will "comfort" your aggressor in his or her "right" to attack you.

2 - Listen attentively to what is being said; do not interject any comments.

3 - Do not respond to accusations; they are self-justifications for the aggressive behaviour.

4 - Understand that what is being said and particularly the feelings projected have nothing to do with you; the person is coming from their own place of lack of self-esteem.

5 - Accept that there is nothing you can do about the other person's feelings; putting a bandaid on a sore never works.

6 - Reflect on what was said and take responsibility for your part in the issue(s) raised.

7 - Never use the words "I'm sorry". You are not the sorriest person in the world and saying these words belittle you. Say "I apologise" instead. It doesn't hurt and it shows you are a bigger person.

8 - Never apologise for being yourself.

9 - Cry it out, sweat it out, run it out, jump it out, dance it out, but whatever you do, get that negative energy out of your system.

10-Meditate and use the mantra "And this too shall pass".  As I have recently discovered, it works beautifully.

11-When you find yourself replaying the incident in your mind, stop and do some majestic cleansing and healing with Ho'oponopono instead. It will clean up that energy.

12-When your heart hurts repeat mentally or out loud May you be well, May you be happy, May you be free from suffering, May you be peace throughout the day and as often as necessary. Tears may flow as you say them so be prepared.

13-Love the other in their emotional disarray. And if you are unable to do that, feel compassion for them instead as they journey through their spiritual wilderness. It is all you can do.

14-Try to communicate with your aggressor in a calm moment to express your feelings  - if you can get through their barrier, if you think it's worth it, and only if you believe that it will change the dynamics of the relationship. Communication is a two-way street after all.

Because quite frankly, there is no need to bash your head against a brick wall when you "know" the same shit will come raining down in another form somewhere down the line because they did not get their pound of flesh.

15-Analyse why you feel anxious, guilty, uncomfortable in your skin, etc.  – are you doing the best you can – then take whatever action is needed to make you feel good. Love yourself and move on and yes, the hardest part is letting go of that piece of hot coal.

16-Let it go. This will be misunderstood as "not caring". However, there is nothing you can do about another person's perception.

Life is about living and experiencing these painful events build us. You may feel battered and bruised at times but after the tears and hurt have flown, you will feel a wonderful rightness.

You become soft, strong and pliable. Nothing can ever break you down and I can attest to this fact; just continue to love yourself ever more.